In the Name of the Ancients
by thatweirdparamedicstudent
Summary: Daniel came away from his time with the Ancients with no memories. What if he forgot her? What if he needed to remember? Daniel/OC AU
1. Chapter 1

**In the Name of the Ancients**

**Chapter 1****  
>Author:<strong> Banana101  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>Content Warning:<strong> None  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Everything, all things Stargate  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> This is my second attempt at a story. I welcome any constructive criticism. Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate Series and world.

Images, moving too fast to actually see them. Nothing was in order, things from the future mixed with the past.

I could feel, hear someone talking to me, their voice was quiet and smooth. They were whispering strange words, they were clunky and didn't seem to fit the meanings.

They were telling me of their home, a life so different to what I remembered from my time in Atlantis and on his world. The names stayed with me, Egypt the land of endless desert. The hills rolled into more and then out of the depths rose towering structures, pyramids they were called. He described a carving to me in great detail, a sphinx it was called and according to the legends of old it asked riddles of all those who came too close.

I tried to concentrate on the voice but the image clouded my vision. Pain lanced through me and the voice began to fade. A new different voice took its place.

"Tamar, you don't have to do this. Things do change." The voice was Orlin's, my old friend, lost to me for so long and now he would lose me. For thousands of years, I have been alone first my mother, then Orlin and my father and finally him. I have been left by all of them. "If you do this, the Others won't let you come back. They'll never let you back. You can't fail Tamar, you fail and he will destroy all lower life."

"Daniel will listen. You already love him and he you. All you need do is remind him of all he has lost."

The pain returned, sharper this time, located at my ribs and head. This throbbing was always there, an ever present companion since my descension. Orlin said his head was painful for near a week after he returned and his abilities began to work after that. I could only hope it wouldn't take so long with me.

I had been here for days, trapped in a cell as well. The creatures who called themselves my captures, took joy in torturing me. For no other purpose apart from the fact that they were bored and they had permission to do whatever the hell they wanted to. It was revenge for my attempt at escape.

I was concerned by what abilities I would be able to use. When I was last human telepathy, healing and telekinesis were normal for_ us._ I did not want the ability of fire again, though I knew I was likely to have it. I also prayed that my abilities would come swiftly to me.

Someone hit me, my ribs screamed in protest or was that me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2  
>Author's Note:<strong> I apologise for throwing you straight into the story. It's just how it started to write itself, I hope it actually pans out. Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate Series and world. Please review

It was the smell that alerted me to his return, the smell of other people's waste, sweat and tears. I know it is not normal to smell tears, but when my head was throbbing in this way, smells seemed to affect me more than normal.

He hit my already cracked ribs. He moved away to the 'wall of pain', as he so fondly called it.

"I am sorry!" I gasped, the pain chorusing through me. "Please, I am sorry!" I was lying, though he would not know the difference, he was having too much fun causing me pain.

He held up the knife and ran it along my ribs, blood streamed out of this new cut, joining the dry and semi-dry blood which covered my body. "Not sorry enough." He said with a cruel smile. He moved over to the wall and removed another torture device, a Goa'uld pain stick. He smirked, _he thinks that he is going to break me?_

The stick came close to my face, too close. He would not, would he? He had never been cruel enough to actually do it, but the idea of that thing on my face made me want to scream. And those were what he sought.

I pulled my wrists apart until it felt that they would snap from the pressure, but the bonds loosened and I knew I had achieved my goal. The stick hanging there, in front of my face was quite a bit of motivation. He did not touch it to my skin, this was the teasing, letting me know that he controlled my fate.

There was a distant sound, an explosion ringing out. The building shook in its wake, I heard distant screaming and the sound of weapon fire. A battle was raging nearby, though the reason behind was not known to me, this could be a distraction I could use to my benefit.

"What the hell?" My capture said loudly, he moved to the door and opened it. Now was my chance, I pulled apart the bonds that tied my aching wrists together. My head was throbbing but unlike last time I wouldn't let it bother me. I grabbed my capture around his neck, robbing him of his much needed air.

He struggled, trying to break free of my hold, but I held fast. All the pain he had caused me over the last few days was working with me, giving me the strength to do what I needed. A motivation that I should not have needed, I hated the idea of hurting him but thinking over the pain he had caused me and probably countless others made this retribution for it all. When he finally ceased moving, I released him and he dropped straight to the floor. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hoped he was not dead.

That was when my world started to spin, the pounding in my head sounded like someone was having fun with bongo drums. I steadied myself on the door, my thoughts lead along the path of escaping, but I knew only too well what would happen to me if I tried that, again. _He needs me_, I cannot just let him suffer needlessly, he needs to know….

Blackness blurred my vision.

_Take strength young one, you can do this._ Called out the voice of … my old friend? I could not quite tell, it has been so long since I took human form.

"I am not exactly young anymore…" I replied before realising that I was talking to myself again… a sign of madness. I stood properly planning my escape, if I could get to the gate then I could find him … his name still eludes me. I know his face and all about him but no name. I see a pair of eyes… a beautiful, pale blue and big.

I start moving, this is my biggest advantage over my captures. Praying for assistance, I sped up, running through the deserted hallways.

The next moment I found myself in front of the gate. _Because that is not cheating_, I thought. I reached out to the DHD, only to feel a weapon pushed into the small of my back.

"Please, it is not what you think…" I started say, raising my hands away from it.

"It never is," answered a voice I knew only too well, one that haunted both my dreams and night mares. "Turn around nice and slow and I might let you explain."

I did as he said, coming face to face with the whole reason that I was here. The bright blue eyes gazed at me, from under his glasses. He was frowning as he met my eyes tracing the lines of my face. _Does he remember?_ He gasped when he saw my front, and shrugged off his jacket.

"My name is Doctor Daniel Jackson. You're safe now." I felt the darkness that had chased me this far claim me, finally. As I was falling, I hoped desperately that he would catch me.

-SGC-

I felt it as we stepped through the portal, which was what woke me from my slumber. My head was still throbbing.

"Daniel?" Asked a voice, it was coarse and appeared unfriendly. I could feel movement jaunting through, a few whispers and it didn't smell here, well not bad anyway.

"Jack?" Asked His voice, he was frowning, I did not have to be awake to tell that, though his voice was laced with sarcasm. Sense finally started to return to my body, I felt all the slices and bruises that coloured my skin. He was holding me tightly against his body. My feet were cold, but I was wearing a proper top now, probably his jacket.

"Meet someone new?" Queried the voice from before, Jack… O'Neill if my memory was anything to go by, it normally was not… well it had not been the past few days. Hell moments ago I could not remember _his_ name, which is embarrassing.

"She threw herself on me, how could I refuse?" Answered Daniel, a smile crept into his speech. I wanted to see that smile, even half dead I was attracted to him.

"I did not throw myself on you, so as much collapse on you," I said groggily, opening my eyes slightly. I was in the gate room of the SGC, the lights seemed too bright though. But sadly, I could not see his smile.

I was being laid out on a stretcher, Dr Jackson moved away from me and that again made me sad.

"And who are you?" Asked the annoying voice, as I closed my eyes. I wanted the dark to claim me again, I was so tired.

"My name is Tamar, Brigadier General Jack O'Neill. Thank you for letting me come to … I believe you call it Earth." I replied, opening my eyes again to look directly at this annoying person.

At first glance he had lopsided eyebrows, but maybe that was just my view. I could see handsome hazel eyes, under his heavy brow. How amusing, an attractive annoying person.

"And how do you know my name?" He asked, obviously confused.

"The very young…" I breathed, and then said more loudly, "Please, _Sir_, can you take me to the infirmary? I will answer your questions once you have confirmed I am not a Goa'uld or anything else nasty." I knew that my comments could be construed as cruel but I was tired.

Jack looked at me and frowned, my words were confusing him. I closed my eyes again, the darkness claiming me once more.

-SGC-

I woke to feeling a needle being poked into my arm.

"Ouch," I groaned. Opening my eyes, I was indeed in the infirmary, dressed in one of the tasteless hospital gowns. The machines surrounding me were beeping out time with each other. My mouth was dry and tasted of some strange medicine. I tried to wet it but had little success.

"Sorry," said the nurse, "its protocol. Though _all_ of us wish it wasn't." She smiled and continued with what she was doing.

It was then I noticed my head was not pounding anymore, things were starting to look up.

I took the opportunity to study her, she had two piercings in each ear and I could not help but wonder is she had any tattoos. Her dark hair was pulled away from her face with a black hair net but many curls had escaped, though this did not seem to bother her. She wore a strange uniform, it showed her small waist and generous hips. It had a rumpled look to it, almost as though she had slept in it.

"What do you mean, 'different'?" Sounded Jack's voice from outside the infirmary. _And now things were looking down._

"I am awake." I called out to him, and I received a glare from the head which popped around the corner. His eyes did not contain his annoyance and confusion, it had spilled across his face.

"Well, go back to sleep, we need to keep talking about you." He said smartly. He waited for a response with a smirk painted on his lips.

"So, you do not want to know why I know your name?" I asked sweetly, a fake smile playing across my face. He stalked over to me angrily, the doctor he had been talking to walked in and glanced at me with fascination in his eyes.

"Start talking," was his only response, pulling up a chair. He glared at the nice nurse and she quickly moved away busying herself with another patient.

"Where is SG-1? Surely they will want to know why I was at PX6 090." But I had spoken to soon, as they all entered moments after I finished speaking. "Why it looks like all the gang is here."

Jack said all their names, "Lieutenant Colonel Sam Carter," the beautiful blonde woman who was quietly checking me out and doing a risk assessment. "Teal'c," the stoic Jaffa, looked me up and down, then proceeded to raise one of his eyebrows at me. "And Daniel" who stared at me the whole time, his eyes never leaving my body. I met his gaze, hoping beyond anything that he remembered me but he only looked familiar, like when someone reminds you of someone else, but it is not truly them. He was not the same person that I had known.

"My name is Tamar and I am an … I believe you call us Ancients. And you need my help." I said, looking directly at Daniel, his blue eyes.

SG-1 and Jack all looked at each other and then back at me. Teal'c raised his eyebrow, which I knew was the best response I would get, Sam stared at me frowning, obviously thinking of Orlin. Jack managed to look more confused than before and I could not bring myself to look at my reason for existing.

_Oh, wow that sounds just a little melodramatic._

Jack started to speak but Daniel cut him off. "You're an actual Ancient? How is that possible you were all have meant to Asc… You descended didn't you?"

"Yes, Dr Jackson I did, except unlike you I kept some of my memories from the time I was Ascended. And before you ask, no. Normally all memory has to be removed if we want to live among 'lowers' again. Will you let me finish my story, and save all questions for the end?" My question lingered in the air.

They again looked at each other, and then all nodded, Daniel somewhat reluctantly.

"I am originally from Atlantis but travelled back here after … the war ended. I lived among the young human race for 80 of your years before choosing to Ascend. I spent most of my time there nurturing the young human society, like Oma Desala, except I refused to help them Ascend. Rather I taught the Romans how to build the roads and other technological advancements. And after it was deemed wrong to interfere in the lower planes, I spent much time watching and mourning normal humans. I watched Oma Desala bring Anubis into our plane of existence and fought to have him killed for his trickery, but I was over ruled by the Others. I watched him murder hundreds and grew angry at the Others. 7 days ago I descended to this plane, my friend and I decided that you needed our help to rid you of him and his plague." I stopped, taking a long breath, they all stared at me. Talking like this always made me see strange things, old memories that did not belong with me. My head gave a twinge but I pushed it too the back of my mind.

"5 days ago I was trying to make my way to PX3 090 and I was captured by a minor Goa'uld, who took it upon himself to teach me a lesson about respect towards the 'Gods'. I would not break so he sent me to the dungeon, when I realised that I could escape, I tried and failed. They tortured me for 4 days and then you arrived, which was good timing because he was going to kill me. I ran and Dr Jackson found me trying to leave." I finished, Jack was staring at me uncertainly. I forced myself to look at Daniel, his gaze felt like it was boring straight into my soul, as if he knew I wasn't telling him everything.

"Any questions?" I asked, hoping they did not but knowing they would.

Jack raised his hand and then realised what he was doing, I smirked at him. "Yeah, do you have any special powers?"

"Sir," Carter chastised, quietly.

"What? It is a valid question." He replied and he had a right to know that I did.

"Yes I do, but in a few days I'll be able to tell you what they are. It does take time for them to develop, but I should have telepathy and telekinesis, and maybe pyrokinesis." I said with a smile.

Daniel was about to ask a question when "Unscheduled Off World Activation" sounded throughout the infirmary. Teal'c, Jack and Sam all stood and left immediately, without a backward glance. Daniel however pulled over Jack's seat and sat close to my bed.

"Did I know you when I was Ascended?" He asked, those blues trapped me, an animal in the headlights of a car.

"Dr Jackson… you do not want to know the answer to that question." Looking away, I stared at the wall opposite my bed. _ He can't be told, he has to remember himself or else it's cheating_, Orlin's voice said.

_But what if he cannot?_ I wanted to ask him now.

"Were you one of the Others?" I looked at him outraged that he would even ask such a stupid question, but then he had no memory of me. Why should he know any differently?

"No, but I observed everything. I did take your side when it came down to it though, which is why I will not be welcomed back with open arms."

"Tamar…? What does it mean?" He felt like he was remembering something, a ghost of an old memory. Maybe he could…

"I do not know, I do not remember everything. Like how often I am meant to eat." I replied changing the subject. I was beginning to get uncomfortable, my throat was really aching and my stomach started to add a list of complaints.

"Liar," he said softly. If I had not seen his lips move I would have been unsure if he spoke. "When was the last time you ate?" Taking my bait when he heard my stomach grumble, a look of concern touched his face. This was giving me hope but maybe too much, I could not be disappointed again.

"Not for.…at least 5 days." I said, "Actually that is probably the reason I fainted." I said with a smile and he smiled back. I felt my body catch its breath, his smile was so familiar yet so different. It probably did not help that in his normal form he was beautiful, quite like his soul.

He stood up and walked over to the nice nurse, she giggled at something he said and jealousy lanced through me. These human emotions were so strong, I was hoping that it would fade. The nurse stopped what she was doing and left. Daniel came back and said, "She has just gone to get you some soup, we need to ease you back onto the food."

He was being kind, I realised. _How stupid could I be?_ Had I actually imagined him falling in love with me again? I always hoped he would come back, but I knew I was the only reason for him to stay and he would be forever angry at our way of living. He was so kind, what had Lieutenant Colonel Carter called him? So kind, so willing to help he would sacrifice himself to do so. Something along those lines, stupid memory.

"So, you said we needed your help, why is that?" He asked, catching me off guard, I had been so lost in thought I hadn't paid attention to him. I felt guilty, he was my reason for being yet all I could do was ignore him. Then again I was thinking about him so maybe…

"I know how to kill Anubis, along with his … super soldiers?" The word didn't seem to fit. He nodded his assurance that I had gotten the word correct.

"How?" He asked simply, for a man who sometimes had trouble shutting up, he was using very little words.

"Have you ever played poker, Dr Jackson?" He nodded, a half frown, half smile spread across his face. "Well, let us just say I know when to 'hold'." I wanted to tell him everything, confide in him like I used to but too big a part of me was starting to see him as different person to the man I had grown to love when he was Ascended.

He had new experiences and I had not been allowed to even watch him grow and develop even more which was quiet depressing. When he was among us, I was the only one apart from Oma to see the brilliant and courageous and kind man that Daniel was, we had spent so much time together. I thought myself to be in love, which sounds silly for a being who is more than 10,000 years old, but it was true. He was more reluctant to declare his feelings, he had already lost Sha're and Sarah to the Goa'uld. Just before he discovered Anubis's plot to destroy Abydos, he told me that he couldn't live like us for much longer and I was the only thing keeping him grounded in this hell hole, his words not mine. I knew that I had become his rock and if that was the only role I could have, I would be very grateful for it.

When he made his decision to help his friends, he told me he was sorry but he could not stand by and watch the loss of his home. I understood that I was holding him back, keeping him grounded, tied to the place he had grown to hate. I told him that he could do what he wished and he had my blessing to do so. It was with my help that Oma convinced the Abydonians to Ascend, my parting gift to my beloved Daniel.

I have missed him terribly since he returned to his human form, but he did not remember me so he could not miss me. I did try to move on and do what would be considered normal by the Others but my life without Daniel was hardly a life at all. That was why I agreed to do this, I choose this instead of Orlin having to go again.

"A penny for your thoughts," he said, he was still sitting there staring at me. I looked over him once, he was much like I remembered from our time together, perhaps more built up in the shoulders and deeper in the chest. This image was reversed to the one I had seen in his memories but what he saw was in a mirror, so it made sense to me now.

"They would probably bore you to tears." I replied, I could never tell him the truth I understood now. If he knew why I was here… I do not know, it just felt wrong too much like breaking the rules. But I had no idea I had broken by just being here and having my memories.

"I highly doubt that, you were thinking about what you didn't tell the others and want to tell me." He said smartly, I wanted to reply by asking him about his medication but I wanted these people to like me. He was going to continue but the kindly nurse arrived with my soup, it smelled like cream of chicken. Daniel had told me of many things, one them was this soup, the one that makes everything better.

She set it on the table and moved my bed up so I could drink it without too much strain on my body. I groaned when she accidently brushed against my side.

"Are you in pain?" She asked overly concerned, Daniel too appeared concerned, his brow knotted up with it. I reached out and smoothed before I thought about what I was doing, I froze. Watching and waiting for his reaction. He closed his eyes and he seemed to be in great pain. _ Now you've done it Tamar_, said the little voice in the back of my head.

I nodded to the nurse, she moved off to go and get some medication. "Dr Jackson?" I asked quietly, I wanted to reach out and touch him again but after the look on his face…

"Daniel, are you alright?" I asked again, softer than before. He looked straight up at me, his eyes boring into me, anger playing across his features.

"Tamar… why do I know your name? Your face? Why does everything about you cause me to rethink whatever I do?" He demanded, he grabbed my wrist. Our minds seemed to graze by each other, I hadn't realised all we would need do is touch.

"Do you remember me?" I asked, the words escaping before I had time to think about what I had said.

"Almost," he replied, "it's like I know your face and we're old friends but the actual stories have faded." He seemed to sit there for a minute gathering his thoughts, putting them in order. "I knew you when I was Ascended, we were friends. You agreed with my view, supported me when you knew you would become an outcast like me. I l-" He cut himself off when the nurse came back, she had some tablets and a small cup of water.

I took them slowly, one at a time and used the water to wash down their bitter taste. Then began to eat, Daniel stared at me. Trying to understand, I did not know if he would succeed or not. Or if I wanted him to.

When he opened his mouth to speak again we heard Jack complaining. I actually groaned when I heard his voice, the kind a child gives when they do not want to do something. Daniel smiled at it, and of course I could not help but smile back.

Jack entered, followed by Teal'c and Colonel Carter, they all had grim faces. The news from the portal had obviously been very bad. Daniel looked expectantly at them, Carter shook her head and a sad expression crossed Daniel's face.

"Tamar, you said you could help. I want to know. Now!" The general said angrily. Faces appeared in front of me, smiling and laughing they were. _His memories, _a part of me recognised.

"I am sorry for your loss," I whispered, his gaze scrutinised me. "I can rid you of Anubis and his super soldiers."

"Yeah, but how?" He demanded, he had lost a friend.

"I... I can help to turn Anubis into a mortal, without him his super soldiers will be unable to function. And before you ask, Anubis was freed from the ice planet and has been controlling Ba'al for some time now. I also know the means of how to rid this galaxy of the beings you call replicators." I held my contact with O'Neill, he was the one I needed to convince, the others were second to him... even my Daniel.

No not mine, not anymore.

"What do you want in return?" He had been burned before, there were too many times to count, like the situation on the planet of clones.

"I just want to help, I have seen much devastation at his hand and I wish to see it stopped. If I can travel with you after it is done, I will be grateful but it is not a condition." I willed him to believe me, I looked at all of them. Carter had tears in her eyes, and Teal'c managed to look very melancholy. Daniel could not meet my eyes, the feeling of familiarity was creeping into his mind.

"Then do it, do it now." _Before any more lives are lost_, a small part of him said.

He does not realise I cannot. Has he seen my body? I have been attempting to heal it but the medicine they were giving me was inhibiting me from finding the areas which were most damaged. Yes, my abilities were beginning to show but I needed to practise.

"I need to heal, when that _thing_ tortured me, he caused a lot of damage and I do not know where to heal at least for the moment." I spoke quietly, I did want to help but I had the distinct feeling that I could not. Not right now.

A male doctor moved over to my bed, picked up my chart and glanced at the members of SG-1 and the general. They all took the subtle hint that I needed rest... that is except for Daniel. He was still sitting in the chair and staring off into space.

The doctor began to talk to me, "Hello, Tamar. I'm Doctor Andrew Johns. Do you know where you are?" I nodded, he continued. "Well, you have some quite serious damage around your ribs but we have strapped it all up and you should be good in a few weeks," the translation in my head was 2 days, "I'm going to have you moved to one of the rooms, so you can have a bit more privacy. I wanted to ask you a few questions about your body."

"Ask away," A smile slipped back onto my face. I remember liking to smile.

"What kind of creature are you?" His question was so simple, yet I found it nearly impossible to answer.

"I am human, but very genetically advanced. I use about 90% of my brain where as normal _Homo sapiens_ only use about 10%."

"Your genetics are unlike anything we've seen before. You don't mind if we conduct tests on them, do you?" He asked, I shook my head. A geneticist, a person who studies our genetic makeup, that's what this doctor was. The doctor left quickly, a handsome smile gracing his full lips.

I was again tempted to reach out and touch Daniel, but he was so obviously lost in thought. So I just said his name.

"Daniel?" His eyes snapped to me.

"Tamar," he breathed, "I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
>Author's Note:<strong> About her speaking, she can understand everything and even the clichés and names of things because Daniel shared everything with her and etc, etc. She also watched the world grow and develop. Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate Series and world. Please Review

"_Daniel?" His eyes snapped to me._

"_Tamar," he breathed, "I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye."_

"What?" I exclaimed, he cannot remember. I do not want him to, a part of me knows the man who loved me is gone and if he came back, he would not be the same.

"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. Whatever relationship we had obviously didn't end the way it should have. I was probably too caught up in the affairs of my friends to give you the attention you deserved." He did remember, but not the most important part. I felt my body relax, he had scared me for a moment.

"It does not matter, our relationship had been severed by the time you left. A fight that neither of us would let the other win, we were both too stubborn." I forced a fake smile on my face at the false memory.

He laughed at that and a shiver ran down my spine. _Okay, that is slightly weird_.

"Do not you have somewhere else to be?" I asked, as much as I enjoyed our talk. I was becoming very hungry, the soup before was looking very inviting.

"Uhh, no, not really." I gave him the classic, 'oh really?_'_ look. He just stared back at me. I sighed and began eating. It had chilled because it had been sitting there so long, but my stomach did not know the difference.

"How does it taste?" Daniel was enjoying the look of utter bliss on face.

"As good as you described. Matter of a fact, it does make everything better." _How does she know that?_ His voice was in my mind, I could feel what he was feeling. His curiosity burning away as always. Questions swirling around his head like, _how do I know her? What is she doing to me?_

"I don't think I've ever told that to anyone."

"You were missing your home, and I asked if you could have anything from there, what it would be. You replied cream of chicken soup because it would make everything better." Which was the truth yet it felt false coming out of my lips and Daniel did not seem to believe me.

I broke eye contact and started to eat my soup again. After I finished, Daniel and I talked, about everything and nothing. I do not know why he trusted me so much, if I were him I knew I would not but he still did. It was almost like we were Ascended again, confiding in and laughing at each other.

After what seemed like forever my eyelids started to grow heavy, my head had not bothered me but my body needed rest to be able to heal itself properly. I found myself falling asleep, Daniel's voice was quieter until he just ceased. I was in the place between sleep and being awake, my mind knowing what was going on but my body too tired to keep the eyelids open.

-SGC-

_She screamed, the sound piercing whatever walls I had built up. I stood up and moved to her crib, the crying was worse on days like this. I held her to me, rocking, singing a soft lullaby in a long dead language. I heard him get up and move over to me._

"_Is she alright?" He asked from behind me, I nodded and kept singing. He wound his arms around my waist, under her. I leant back into him, glad for his solid frame. I was content just to feel his heart beat._

"_Put her down, I want to spend some time with the love of my life." He whispered after a few minutes, she had stopped crying by this time. As I lay her down in her crib, she opened her eyes and looked up at me, Daniel's blue looking up at me._

_Things changed, Daniel was standing in front of me. A gun pointed towards me, aiming for my round stomach, my baby girl. He smiled cruelly and I felt Anubis control his movements, his finger pulling on the trigger._

_A shot rang out, pain flared in my hip and I dropped to the ground. He moved and stood over me._

"_My host stopped me from killing you just now, but he can't stop me this time." He pointed the gun to my head._

-SGC-

I was beginning to get uncomfortable, my bladder was full. I shifted my weight to relieve the pressure, but the hand that was on mine held on, making it impossible to move.

I tried to pull out of it, _she_ had not woken up and I knew I should take advantage of that.

My eyes flickered open, I realized I was still in the infirmary, it had just been the dream. Daniel had not left, he was asleep in his chair. He had lent forward to put his head on the bed, rest of his body was at an odd angle. His hand was resting on mine, his long fingers curled through my own.

I stretched out as much as I could without disturbing him and it did not hurt nearly as much as it should have. I ran my other hand over my ribs were the most damage had been. Nothing, there was no sign that I had ever been injured.

I frowned, that should not happen. I always retain the scars, at least I always did. Maybe... no it could not. Daniel should not know about his gift yet, no one had told him. Had he done it naturally?

_But healing is a very conscious choice,_ said the logical part of my brain.

He stirred and I closed my eyes, it would be too awkward if he were to wake up with me staring at him, our hands interlaced.

I felt his hand withdraw from mine quickly. There was a sharp pain in my heart, sadness bloomed in my mind.

"Tamar, are you awake?" He asked, his voice was muzzy from sleep.

"No," I said in return, "I am not." A smile pulled at the corner of my lips.

"I'm going to go back to my office, I have some work that I forgot about." He stood up and left quickly, I sat up and looked after him. _That was strange, I swear he said that he didn't._

One of the older nurses moved over to check on me, she had a smile on her face. She began inspecting

"What?" I asked curiously.

"I haven't seen Dr Jackson that relaxed with anyone but SG-1 and the general. It is nice to see him make new friends." She was talking to me sweetly, I wanted to answer her but she started again. "Now, do you want to move to the VIP room?"

"Yes, please." She commenced the preparations. I felt my eye lids droop again.

It was the soft hands that woke me, their gentle shaking. The old nurse and kindly one were standing waiting for me to move.

"I brought you some of my clothes," the kindly nurse said, holding them out shyly, "you look about my size."

"Thank you," I said, accepting her gift. They were comfortable looking pants and top, they had strange patterns.

The older nurse smiled and beckoned me to follow her. As we were walking she filled the silence with her cheerful chatter. A story about her new niece, involving a new doll and a need to make people get married. We walked through many corridors and down an elevator… at least I think it was down.

When we reached the room a guard stood at the door and watched us go in. He introduced himself as Steve Turner. He was a young man, about 25 and very well built around his shoulders. He reminded me of the warriors from the 1600's with their broad shoulders and tapered waist.

The room itself was very simple, a way I found I did not prefer, I was better with a clutter. There was a plain double bed, a desk, cupboard and a walk in bathroom … ensuite. In the corner sat a full length mirror.

"Miss, if you need me, I'm just outside." Steve Turner said, quickly leaving. The old nurse too said her goodbyes, leaving me alone in the room. I quickly went and used the toilet, the annoyance in my bladder had not left.

I walked over to the mirror and peered curiously at my reflection. The face I looked at was very unfamiliar to me, shoulder length, curly dark brown hair framed a sad looking face. My skin was good, a healthy olive tan on the areas that would be exposed to the sun, if I had actually been in the sun for long.

I started with the feet and worked my way up, and how small the feet were. The nails did not seem to be big enough to fit on the larger toes. The arches seemed abnormally high and the foot itself was very wide for its size. The ankles were hardly note worthy, as they appeared to be almost invisible. Followed by shapely calves, which had much muscle on the outside but little on the inside. My upper legs were thick and strong, if I was being mean I could call them fat.

My hips flared out and my waist was unusually tiny but my rib cage seemed to be too big for the rest of my body. My bust was larger than I expected, my shoulders were broad and my arms too strong for the hands, which did not suit the rest of the body. They too could be called flabby around the top.

My chin was strong, my small lips looked too full for their size. My nose was at an angle but had a distinctly button type feel to it. My cheekbones were high, the kind a dancer would envy.

My eyes were big and a mysterious blue, they changed in the light. Sometimes they would appear a steady blue-grey, others a blue green and finally they became a dark blue.

I do not know if my previous body was like this one, I cannot ever remember having a mirror to look at. Thinking about it, there is little that I remember from my life before being Ascended. I do recall some little things like how my tribe was part of a group called the Amazons and I taught the women to stand up for themselves.

I do not remember a mate in my past life, just being the healer and storyteller. I saved the people who would have died from wounds that could be considered those that would put someone on their deathbed. I told stories about faraway places that inspired my friends to have confidence within themselves, which was a bigger achievement.

I walked over to where I had put down the clothes that the kind nurse had lent me. I quickly dressed, discovering that she was about a size bigger than me. I turned back to the mirror and stared at my reflection, studying it.

A knock startled me, but I quickly recovered and went to open the door.

There stood the Lieutenant Colonel, she was worrying her lip and fidgeting.

"Hello," I said brightly, my voice was somewhat un-normal, it sounded too bright. I stepped out of her way and she quickly came in.

I sat on the bed, cross legged as she paced up and down my room. Three times she looked like she was going to say something but she stopped herself each time. I just sat there and waited, I knew she would eventually say what she wanted.

Finally she said, "You knew him when he was Ascended, didn't you?"

"Yes," I replied with a smile.

"Did he miss us?" She asked, her question simple and so was her answer.

"Yes,"

"Why did he stay so long?" This answer was not so simple.

"Because he felt attached to someone who had no claim on him." She started pacing again, mulling over what I had just said.

_He didn't want to stay, he said that he hated it there but something not someone was holding him back. He is so different now, the experience changed him, in the small ways that we don't see. Before he didn't work out as much, Jack would have to drag him down there. He was so young and innocent before and now he has lost some of that. She has something to do with that, why he has changed from the Daniel we had before…_

I had not meant to connect to her, it was a mistake and it proved that I needed to practice more before I went out into the field.

"He did change, but he does not and will not realise that he has done it, until someone like yourself points it out to him." I said softly half praying she would not hear me, but with no other noises in the room it was quite easy to.

"I know you think that is somehow my fault and in a way it is, I was the one who convinced him to warn Jack about the Abydonians and the one who told him to ignore the rules. I made your Daniel the way he is, I made him fight for everything when we were Ascended. And I am not sorry I did."

Sam was staring at me, her mind flooded with confusion.

"I am sorry, I know it is an invasion of your privacy but these are abilities are stronger than I am used to." I stood up and walked over to her, fear crossed her face. "I know I do not have your trust and I have done nothing to earn it, and I know you don't understand why Daniel does. And I have not used my abilities to know this."

I pulled her into a hug, she went stiff and obviously did not know how to react. I let her go, and she blushed nervously.

"I…" she started nervously, I smiled and she continued more confidently, "I don't what to say, I have a questions though. I don't know why I came here but I feel like I can trust you, it's like there is a little voice in my head telling me to. Is that you?" I shook my head, now I was confused. A realisation hit me, Orlin was still watching over me.

I reached out mentally and felt another presence, one that was Ascended. _Orlin, you shouldn't be helping, you don't know what they'll do to you_.

There was a laugh in the room and a man appeared before us.

"Orlin," Sam sighed, a pretty smile slipped on to her face. Lighting up her eyes and making them shine.

"Hello Sam, it is nice to see you again." His voice was exactly the way it sounded when he was Ascended.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, "We do not even know what they will do to me for descending, let alone you for interfering." My anger was obvious, and with warrant. He should not be doing this.

"Tamar, how about we start with pleasantries then you can hurt me severely. How does that sound?" He dismissed me like a child, his patronising tone causing me to walk out of my room in a huff. The guard was sitting down in a sit down the hall, he had his eyes closed. I kept walking and stood right in front of him.

"Mr. Steve Turner," My question was quiet, but his eyes flickered open and focused on me.

"Can you take me to Doctor Jackson's quarters?" He frowned and pointed to the door at the other end of the hall. He closed his eyes again and went back to sleep.

I breathed in deeply, I knew I should not do this. I was being a child but there was something irrational in my mind telling me to find and at least talk to Daniel. I was overly angry, I still was having trouble with my emotions. They were somewhat difficult to control.

I found myself in front of the door, I knocked. But there was no response, I opened the door and found the room empty. Overcome with tiredness again, I went and lay down on the bed and fell asleep instantly.

I did not dream, not like last time, the only thoughts that occupied my mind were the memories of Daniel's time with me.

There was a voice talking to me again, but it was telling me to wake up.

"Daniel, I have missed you." I whispered, I grasped the hand near me in my own and pulled it around my body. Curling into it, holding it to my face. I heard a regretful sigh and the talking ceased. A warm body was soon curled up with mine.

This, I thought, was the dream and one that had and would plague me until I finished my mission here. When I actually awoke half an hour later I was shocked to find Daniel lying next to me.

He was lying on his back, his head was turned towards me. My arm was about his waist and my other hand was gripping the hand on my waist. His other hand was clutching my elbow. My legs had intertwined with his and my head was on his chest.

It was in this moment that I decided to study the planes of his face. When we were together last time, we did not sleep so I do not remember this kind of intimacy. I still felt slightly muddled by sleep, I reached up and smoothed out the lines on his face and he looked positively younger by at least 5 years. In this face I could not see the lines etched with worry, despair and pain.

It was then I saw the picture on the side of his bed, a woman and a beautiful one at that.

_That is my face,_ I thought, _how is that possible?_ I stared at Daniel and then back to the woman, the only differences in our faces is that my eyes are blue and I imagine that we are also similar in the body.

I tried to pull away but the hand on my elbow held on tightly. "Let go," I murmured in his ear softly, having to lift my head to the only one I could see.

He grunted in his sleep and tugged me back over to his body, I was now lying across him. I felt like a big teddy bear. I had my head tucked between his neck and shoulder and his arms were wound tightly around my waist. It was then I noticed that Daniel was lacking a top and only in his underwear. I was still dressed in the top and pants but the top had ridden up so the bear skin of my stomach was now visible and touching his.

"Daniel," I ground out, "let go of me!" He muttered in his reply but it was undecipherable. "I swear if you do not let go, Daniel, you'll be singing soprano for the rest of your life."

I do not know why I was fighting so hard to get away from him, the part of me that had not stopped loving him was screaming at the logical side, saying _what the hell is wrong with you? This is how I can convince him._ The other part of me was scrambling to get out, I knew that what I had chosen to do was a death sentence and I could not see him suffer because of it.

Daniel had no idea of the turmoil growing inside of me, his mind was lost in the feeling of another body being so close.

I could feel our minds becoming linked because our current situation. And suddenly my body's senses took control of the advanced brain within my skull.

His scent was intoxicating to my body, like cinnamon and other exotic spices. His stubble was rough against my face, and the planes of his chest felt endless. I could feel a desire that I had not felt before pool at my stomach. My heart was beating erratically in my chest cavity.

I lifted my head out of the nook of his shoulder and neck, which was as much as I would be able to move. Daniel was not truly awake but he was not asleep, his eyes kept fluttering as though he was trying to open them but could not.

"Daniel, I need to get up," I whispered but he still would not let go. His hands began to stroke up and down my back, slipping their way under my borrowed shirt. I arched into his hands as they caressed what flesh was available to him. I could now feel his erection against my hip and my body rubbed against it.

My hands began their own adventure, discovering his body.

_NO!_ My mind screamed,_ Stop this madness now_. But my body would not listen, it was like I had lost control of it. I felt Daniel's hands leave my waist, and still under my shirt, travel to my flat belly. Changing the soft caress to a more demanding one.

I knew I had to push myself away, and now his arms were no longer trapping me. I pressed my advantage, dragging my body away from the loving hands. It was not muscles that I was using but my mind, literally lifting my body away from him. I placed it on the floor, not it but rather me, I was standing which was good.

I was shocked by my own abilities, I did not know that I could do. _Could I fly?_

I quickly readjusted my clothing and set about waking Daniel which proved to be a difficult exercise. I had tried to shake him but he would not rouse so, using a child like trick against him, I stole his blanket. However his response was to curl up in a ball, which resulted in me stealing all the pillows on his bed. And when that did not work, I went into the ensuite, wet my hands and proceeded to plant my cold hands on all the places I could reach.

He mumbled and stretched out in his bed, his hand searching for a pillow or his blanket and finding no reward.

His eyelids suddenly snapped open.

"Tamar, where is all my stuff?" His voice was slow because of his sleep and I tried not laugh at him.

"Well," I replied, "I may or may not have stolen them when you would not wake up." My tone was somewhat cheeky, which surprised both of us. Him because he had not expected it and me because I did not know I was capable of it.

He looked around the room and only then noticed that he was in a rather bad state of undress and his package was aroused. He reached out and grabbed to blanket off the floor where I had left it.

"Why are you here?" His voice was clearer now but there was an awkwardness in the air, he could not meet my gaze which I found astonishing.

"Because Orlin decided to drop by and then treat me like a child. I came looking for you to talk," I stressed that word, "but you were not here and I fell asleep waiting for you."

"You could have come to my office," He mumbled, his eyes kept dancing away from mine and my body.

I wanted to reply that I could not have because Steve Turner was half asleep when I went looking for him but I found myself distracted by the objects which lay around his room. It was very messy, though there were no visible signs of any clothes, there was a smattering of ancient objects and dusty tomes.

I found myself walking over to his desk and studying a painting of a woman. She was dressed like a warrior, carrying a sword, quiver and bow, but none of those were being used. Instead she was holding a child to her chest, mourning the obvious loss of its life. Around them lay a carnage of bodies and body parts. The woman was beautiful, her black hair fell in perfect ringlets, creating a cave for them, and her face was frozen in a look of utter devastation and loss. Around her neck was a jewel, one of indescribable beauty.

The painting seemed familiar, I looked questioningly at Daniel. But he had gotten and was finding himself some more clothes to put on.

"Daniel, do you know who this is?" I asked softly, it was so quiet that for a second that I doubted that he actually heard it. However he did turn curiously and see the painting, his sigh echoed through the room.

"I'll tell you the story… after I get some more clothes on."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4****  
>Author's Note:<strong> Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate Series and world. Please Review

"_Daniel, do you know who this is?" I asked softly._

"_I'll tell you the story… after I get some more clothes on."_

I waited impatiently, my emotions still controlled most of my actions and reactions which was something I would have to work on. I know that by the age of 30, humans tended to be able to control their emotions and I was being of many thousand years, so it should be easy. _Shouldn't it?_

I had been told about these feelings but no one had quite explained how they would affect my body and mind. When Orlin had returned he was loathe to mention about his time with the Lieutenant-Colonel, he had said something about wanting to have _private_ memories. With my thoughts of Orlin came back the anger that I had experienced earlier. I knew the reason why I had been angry, he had broken his promise and I could only hope that he had not realised why I had chosen to do all of this.

I had not realised that I had closed my eyes so I was surprised to find Daniel in front of me.

"Ahh," I squeaked, the volume was too loud. "Damn it, Daniel. You scared me," he simply smirked back.

"So about the picture…" I began reminding him.

"Oh, right. So her name is Areto, and she is an Amazonian woman." I held his gaze expectantly, surely there was more to this story than just a name.

"Areto," I breathed the name, rolling it around my mouth, "it sounds familiar. Can you tell me anything else about her?" He shook his head, the fluorescent lights picking up the slight changes in the colour of his hair.

"An Amazonian you said, she was obviously a fighter and hunter. Areto," I repeated the name, it was like what I felt with Daniel's name. I knew it and I knew her face but I just couldn't… Aretan… I remember that name.

I opened my mouth and another voice took its place, a sad, old voice that knew far too much.

"Her mother's name was Aretan, she was one of the warriors, a fighter who declared that she would never bare children." I could see it, see her. "A woman of exceptional beauty, but marred with a streak of cruelty that was as deep as her soul.

She had been born to a cruel man, her mother dying in the birth. Her memories of her father were few, which she was glad for. All she needed to know was that her father held her responsible for her kind mother's unwanted demise.

When she was old enough, she ran away, her village was close to the scary women. And that was where she went, hoping, praying to the gods that they would accept her.

It was an old woman that found the child, alone, hurt and unconcious. The old woman took her to her hut and healed her, as much as she could. She did not tell the others of her discovery, they were too young to understand her reasoning. But she saw something in this sad, lonely child that no one else would be able to, determination. She knew the child could only be a few years old, but she found her way to the woman's people and wandered for days to do so, without realising what she was doing.

The child awoke a day after she was found, when she did she was frightened. Her father had never let anyone even know she was alive so this was the first other person she has seen. What she saw was an old woman who was holding her tiny hand in the beautiful, wizened one.

The woman was watching the small girl's reaction to her surroundings and saw that the child was indeed what she thought.

"Aretan," the woman had called her. The child didn't know what it meant, she couldn't talk. But she knew by everything else that the old woman was doing, that it was not out of hate like her despicable father but out of love that the words were said.

"It means courage and determination in long dead language, not that you would understand it." The woman understood what the child had been through and also understood that she couldn't talk but like the child, this old woman was not one to give up.

It took many moons but eventually the child learnt to talk, and she learnt to fight and hunt, like every other child in the small Amazonian village. The woman and child grew very close, like family and very thing seemed right in the village.

However as stories like this usually went, the peace was disturbed by war. And all the warriors from their village took up the call and served the gods in the only way they could. Including the child, who was now a young woman called Aretan, the name suited was what the village had said.

Aretan fought in the war, alongside the queen of the Amazons, stopping a deathly blow from falling her. After that she became one of the queen's bodyguards and she took great pleasure in that job. At this time most could see that underneath her love for the queen was cruel woman who had a great blood lust and desire to kill all men.

Near the end of the war Aretan was captured by the men they fought against and treated like many women were in those days, as a sex slave. When the fighting was won by the Amazons and they returned home, no one knew what had happened to the queen's favourite bodyguard.

Except for the woman who raised her, who was now almost too frail to do too much. But she did look after Aretan, and when Aretan bore a child to one of countless men who had used her body, she took care of the child and raised her with the help of the village. Aretan wanting nothing to do with this baby, left to go back to her beloved queen.

Aretan never returned to her village, the idea of seeing a thing that she had carried for nine months made her sick, though she did miss the old woman. The baby was named for mother, Areto, and she too was beautiful.

In the village not one saw the same blood lust that effected her mother, in the child. However she fought and hunted like Aretan, sometimes even surpassing her in skills with a bow. And like her mother, when the call for war came, she answered.

By this time, the old woman was close to death and feared she would never see either child that she had raised again. So before the girl left she gave her a necklace, a blue sapphire hung down from the chain, a pattern of leaves etched in metal held the jewel in place. It had been the old woman's mothers and when she had discovered she couldn't have children, she thought that it would just lie somewhere for the rest of time. It meant to Areto, that this woman had thought of her as the daughter that she could not have and Areto was honoured by that.

It was small time into the fighting that Areto was told that the old woman had died, it was this that sent her into a deep depression. She was sent to the back of the army and was told to stay there until she could serve the queen properly, by her own mother no less. But of course neither knew who the other was.

While there, Areto met and befriended a young child, who forced to fight because no one else in her town was able to. The child was almost too young to understand the gravity of their situation, but she did not care. It was this child who brought Areto out her depression, because it meant that she could focus on saving the child's life rather than herself.

When they were forced to fight on the frontlines, Areto was seen far from the child, watching fight, defending her. And in the gaps between the fighting, she taught the child to fight, pouring all her energy into it.

It was the final days of the battle when the gods came to watch, expecting their victory to be swift both sides pressed too hard and suffered with devastating losses. Areto was injured in this, a large enough thing that would keep from field but small enough to pose little risk on her life. She felt weak and knew that without her there the child was as good as dead.

And on the final day of battle, when neither side won because the gods sent down a fire from the heavens, Areto's thoughts became true.

The image of the painting instantly flew into my mind; Areto was holding her only friend to her chest. Little did she know that her birth mother lay only a few feet away, slew by a mighty sword, whose reach was impossible. The queen was just feet beyond her, but Areto only cared about the child in her arms, the one she fought to protect and failed.

Areto was seen carrying the body of her dear friend out of the battle, into the woods, Artemis's domain. And after that she was never seen again, but legend says that at sometimes you hear the haunting chill of the child's laugh and Areto's mournful cry at the loss of her dear friend."

I opened my eyes and shuddered, this was a memory of mine. I knew it, but it did not make any sense. I had watched this war and done nothing for them.

And for this reason alone I deserved to die.

**Author's Note 2:**_ Sorry this chapter is so short, but found this to an important story that Tamar would need to dwell on._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5  
><strong>**Author's Note:** Sorry that it has taken so long to get to you, I've had some unexpected pressures recently. Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate Series and world. Please Review

_And for this reason alone I deserved to die._

Daniel was staring at me like I had just breathed fire, and I realised I practically had. The voice had been so familiar, and it suddenly made sense as to why. It was my voice, from when I had been Ascended.

"Daniel," I said in the voice I had been using in my time here. "I… I have no idea what to say… it is just that name was familiar and…"

Daniel tried to say something but no words exited his mouth, it opened and closed like a fishes. I held his eyes for a moment and shame at the loss of control of my abilities spread through me like wild fire.

I again felt my body grow angry, this at myself and again I left the room. Paying no mind to where I was going, tears pushed themselves into the corners of my eyes.

_How could I have been so … stuck up in our ways? So harsh and cruel to people, I knew and loved._ The shame and self loathing was almost crushing my insides. I knew that before Daniel, I was like the Others, but I had hoped that I was not as bad. I knew now that I was worse. I chose to watch and grow attached and then blamed them for killing each other when they knew no better.

All my memories are jumbled, it is like having a puzzle but missing 3 corners pieces, as much as you try to make sense of it, it just doesn't work.

I was horrible person, I knew it deep in my soul and knowing that made me feel worthless. There is nothing I can do to make this better, all of my problems are not just going to disappear. I felt disgust roll through my body at this person I used to be. _I am_, said a small voice, the one in my head that telling me all of this was true.

I am horrible person, there is not a past tense. I am doing this to make up for doing for all those years, not for these people I claim to be doing it for. Not to stop the bloodshed but for _me._ I could not believe myself. All I am trying to do, is prove worthy for Ascension when I knew I had not deserved it the first time.

Areto's life was playing itself in my head, like a movie stuck on repeat. And it would not stop, no matter how much I tried to think of other things. The guilt and revulsion were weighing in my heart and I did not know how to deal with this. I had seen many things like this in my time as an Ascended being, and none of those times had I done anything either.

The decision to come to the lower plane had been my own choice, for what I had thought at the time to be a most noble cause, but in truth I am just as selfish as any normal person. Thinking of myself first, instead of everyone else, like Daniel had. I had not experienced real hate until this moment and I was feeling it for myself.

As I was walking, I felt someone run into me, apologise and keep moving. There was a voice calling my name, but I did not stop. I had no destination in mind but I would not – could not – stop.

My thoughts turned back to the self hatred. I am not worthy of Ascen-

The hand on my left shoulder stopped me in my tracks. I reacted purely on instinct, my right hand flew to it, grabbing it, twisting until the persons arm was firmly between their shoulder blades and they were against the wall.

"Mr Turner?" My voice was very high and much too loud.

"Miss?" His voice was strained, I instantly let go of his arm. Taking a measurable step away from him.

"I'm sorry, I do not know … how I did that." Trying to explain, but words were failing me. Just like I had failed this world. Again my thoughts turned dark.

"It's ok, I did call your name. You aren't meant to be wandering about the base." Those words made sense, they did not trust me yet and in no way should they. Not after what I had just discovered about myself.

"I… wanted to go and see… General O'Neill. I wished to talk to him about a … pressing matter." I knew this lie had not come out correctly, my body was giving all the signals that what I had said was false. Yet thankfully Mr. Turner was in the process of rubbing his arm and therefore not looking at me. "Or if he is unavailable I would…"

My mind was too full, I could feel the throbbing returning. The information was pushing itself into my head, overfilling it. The pain was returning but different from last time. The throbbing was a stabbing pain, piercing through whatever barriers I could put up.

I reached to the wall and leant heavily against it. Mr. Turner was in front of me, talking to me. But I could not hear his voice, darkness was edge of my vision. I tried to focus on him, but even he became blurry.

Memories of long ago, things done and said. War. Fighting. Love. All of it was too much, I could not take this. I felt body begin shut down. My eyes shut on their own, trying to block of the ancient memories and the pain that was accompanying it.

I felt a hand on my face and I dragged my eye lids open. I was still leaning against the wall, but the hallway had more people than before. I saw the magic blue of Daniel's eyes, Teal'c's obvious tattoo, the kind face of the older nurse and the doctor who had treated me before.

"Daniel?" I heard my own voice croak out. Daniel's eyes crinkled in a smile, he said something to the doctor.

It was the reassuring sound of his voice that finally woke the rest of my senses. "Tamar, you need to tell me what's wrong. So that we can help you,"

These words made sense to me, it was in a language that suited my brain.

"There is too much. My mind cannot handle all the memories, my head feels as if it will explode." I knew I was speaking in a different language because Daniel translated after I spoke, but what it was exactly I did not know.

War. Hate. Fighting.

"My head! Help, please help me." All I could feel was the never ending stabbing pain. "Make it stop, I beg of you make it stop." The voice sounded childlike in its distress.

Daniel swang back to me, cradling my cheek in his hands. His eyes distracted me from my pain, the feeling of his hand caressing me. I changed my focus from what I was seeing to him and the pain really faded.

He was the key. He did not know it and he would never hear it from me, but he was the key to all my problems.

As the memories started to dissipate, my senses of hearing and sight returned to normal. The many mingling tones of hushed voices came from down the hall. I could see all of the people who now stood around me.

I heard the doctor speak. "Tamar, can you understand me?" I nodded in response, this new language was again making sense to me.

"Is there anything that I can give you for your head? Or can we move you?" There were too many words, I needed them to be simpler. I closed my eyes again.

"Put me somewhere dark and quiet, please."

Daniel was staring at me still, saying something along the lines of being carried. But the distinct words were muddled. I just nodded, hoping it was the correct response.

Arms were suddenly encircling my waist, and I in turn, wrapped my arms around the person's neck.

I let myself be carried, relaxing into their muscular chest. The curves and dips moving against me, in a strange rhythm. I was lulled to a place where there was no memories, just an awareness of the movement.

—Daniel—

I don't know what possessed me to carry her. Teal'c was right there and I should have let him do it, but something about her makes me want to... protect her I suppose is the right word. There is an innocence to her that many others lack, a childlike one that clings to her.

Maybe it is related to the fact that she hasn't lived among our kind for over 10 thousand years, but she claimed to have watched for all that time.

She scared me before, when her voice changed. I don't think she even realised that she was doing it. That voice stirred something within me, like the old memories that she had already stirred. I can remember listening to that voice as it told me of long ago times. And a feeling that I thought that I would never feel again.

I do not completely understand her or why I am drawn to her, as hard as I strive to do so I cannot fully understand it. I comprehend something on a much higher plane of existence, something telling me to trust and make sure she remains safe. Her character reminds me strongly of Oma Desala, wanting to help other people even though she shouldn't.

As I stare down at her, curled into a small ball on her bed, I am struck with a feeling of déjà vu. It is like when I was with Sha're, finding her sleeping after I had gone out and she had tried to wait up for me. With that came the feelings of love and adoration, there were those feelings that were so unfamiliar to me but I knew only too well.

I know I am finally at a place where I can engage myself in a relationship that this woman clearly deserves. I know now that I have done all I can do for Sha're and the Abydonians. So I feel as if I am free of those burdens, but there something about her which is challenging my normal way of existence.

I realise that she hiding something from all of us, like when she said.

"_I just want to help, I have seen much devastation at his hand and I wish to see it stopped. If I can travel with you after it is done, I will be grateful but it is not a condition."_ She was not telling us something. I believe that it has something to do with her 'conditions'. It is almost as if she didn't plan for what would happen after she defeated Anubis… But judging by her character that would not be normal for her, she would want to plan everything to the last detail. _She always did_, said a small voice.

I stopped my train of thought. 'She always did'? Where did that come from, an old memory perhaps? She does make me remember things that I never have before.

— Tamar —

It was Orlin's presence in the room that awoke me. I still felt angry at him for treating me like a child but I needed to talk to him about what I was experiencing right now.

"Hello Tamar," his deep voice rang out, echoing around the quiet room. "Are you feeling better?"

I took a moment to assess what condition my body was in. There was nothing physically wrong with me, and the pain from my head was dulled to a point to where I could easily manage it. I also took the opportunity to look around me room, discovering that we were alone. And I was indeed, back in the room which I had been given.

"Yes, I am feeling better. I apologize for my earlier outburst, it was childish of me." I said, sitting up a little bit so we could talk more easily.

"So do I," I tried to say that he had nothing to apologize for, but he cut me off with, "it was inconsiderate of me to treat you like a child and I should have known better because I knew the emotions are harder to control when we return to this form."

I could not meet his eyes, the shame from my memory was colouring my cheeks.

"Why are you here?" My question was the same one as last time, I again hoped that he had not discovered what would happen to me when this finished.

"They are angry, I came to warn you and then I looked into your mind..." _Oh no_, said the small voice, _please do not know, please do not know,_ "and I found that you were withholding something from not only me but from the people here." _Oh shit!_

"Withholding something?" I asked stupidly, fear was on a rampage through my body.

"Yes, tell me what it is or I will find out myself." His look was expectant and when I started talking he listened intently.

"Orlin, you have to understand why I did not want you to find out and why _I_ had to do it. I know you will experience anger but I ask you to look at it from my point of view. You are my dearest friend and I know what would have happened to you if you had taken my place. The Others would have wiped all your memories and not allowed you any abilities, but me They trust..." he gave me a doubtful look, "well, They trust me more than you. Some of them think that Oma has learnt her lesson, so they shall be more lenient in their punishment. And the romantics believe that I just want to return to Daniel. Can you see why it had to be me?"

This was the first time that I truly revealed my thoughts to anyone, and even now I was holding something back.

"Tell me what happens after, after you defeat him."

"I ... you know what happens." I was pleading with him mentally to not make me say it out loud. I knew that this conversation would be listened to by the SGC staff and I was very uncomfortable with that. That was an understatement, _'uncomfortable'?_ If they knew what would happen to me they likely would not let me do this but I need their assistance in the matter.

"Tamar, I understand why you want to do it, but it should be me. You should not have to-"

"Do not dare finish that sentence. It never could have been you, I would never allow something like that to happen to you. I know you do not want it to happen to me, but we have already discussed why I am the logical choice for this. So unless _you_ can make me re-Ascend I am not going anywhere."

He stood there for a moment shell shocked and then disappeared. I would say that he changed from something that I could view him in to his Ascended form.

_Well, that was mature_.

I sat in the silence for a moment, thinking over how I handled what had just happened. I know I was doing the right thing, I was going to do what I have not felt brave enough do to for over three thousand years, stand up for what I believe in.

Yet somehow I was managing to feel self defacing about my inaction over the years.

I heard a knock at the door and called out for them to enter. To my surprise, Daniel stood there.

"Tamar, how are you feeling?" Déjà vu crept over me.

"Fine," I said sketchily, I sat up a bit more in my bed. After a moment, Daniel laughed awkwardly which set me off.

And it felt good to release the tension, I just could not stop. His beautiful laugh was a catalyst in this reaction.

We finally stopped when tears were squeezing their way out of the corners of our eyes, his eyes were still dancing with mirth. Like this he looked like he was only 30 years old but I knew that to be very untrue.

Curious as to why he had actually started laughing, I cautiously reached out with my powers.

_She is beautiful on the both the inside and out, who can give up their life among the Ascended for nothing in return and still laugh like she has no care in the world? She truly is amazing._

"Thank you," I smiled sweetly at him.

"You're welcome," he did not think about what he said, it was just an automated response.

Maybe I did not deserve to die, just not as much as I thought before. Maybe not at all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6  
><strong>**Author's Note: **Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate Series and world.

-SGC-

It took me a little while to become adjusted to my life at the SGC, by a little while I mean 3 days, which for me felt like ages. I did not actually have a job but to entertain myself I regularly worked with Daniel on his translations. Though I originally thought I would not be much help because I could not remember any languages from this world, I quickly began to help with all of it, only needing to be reminded apparently. I also had regular talks with the Lieutenant Colonel and Teal'c on many ranging topics, but mostly about their work which I proved to be able to help with, surprising all of us.

I found that it was very easy to talk with Sam Carter, she was a laid back person but very passionate about her beliefs which I discovered on my second visit when I challenged her point of view on her 'God'. She defended well with logical points and could have convinced me except that I did believe as she did. I am glad she did not guess that I was testing, or if she did she was gracious enough to not mention it. Of course she too tested me, mentally challenging me to tell her my understanding of her work and also the 'Gates'. I know I did 'pass' well on this on because when she had a difficult task, she came to me with her queries. She also tested me physically, challenging me to a duel, which I declined. I am not yet comfortable enough in my body to challenge in the way she wanted, but after that I began to also frequent the gym and work out like everyone else.

Teal'c was not what I had expected, he was not only very intelligent with his conversation he was also comical with his wit. Though most of the humans missed the funny comments, I found them increasingly funny, especially when I discovered that he understood their sayings as well as me but enjoyed making them correct him. Teal'c also had some set views of Ascension and what it entailed for everyone who had achieved it. We have had, and will continue to have, many meaningful discussions about the subject in which we try to convince one another to change their views.

General O'Neill is still and will probably remain reluctant to trust me, but as SG-1 began to do so he must have begun to reconsider his opinion of me because he started to eat his meals with us and sometimes got involved with conversations I was already involved in. I have taken this as a good sign but I cannot be sure of that. Daniel says that we have very similar senses of humor, which I do not think is a compliment. I do wish to become friends with him, though I know his reluctance is not without warrant.

Since my memory returned I have not had any _bad_ headaches, which I think is remarkable. This body is quite resilient, when it should have tired and begun to falter it kept going. In my free time, I have been practising using my abilities. It is slower than I had hoped but with this new resilience I could continue to try new ways to attempt my powers. I could now lift many things on command, only with my mind but using the gestures did help me. I had not tried my healing ability again but my pyrokinesis abilities were somewhat stronger than I had anticipated. I found if I let my emotions control that portion of my mind, I had much difficulty controlling it. The one ability I found that I did not need to practise with was telepathy. I had already shown that I did not need to excersise this. I felt it was an invasion of privacy, so I tried to keep it to a minimum.

— Daniel —

Tamar has been a frequent visitor here for the past three days and as much help as she is, I wish she wouldn't. She distracts me, I know she doesn't intend to but she does. The way she bats her eyelashes at me, innocently, the way her hair falls in soft curls around her face, it is these things and endless others. I didn't want to notice these things but I just can't seem to stop. I can see the first steps to attraction there, but it is far too complicated to begin a relationship with her, no matter how much my body yearns for it.

Today Sam came to visit me, it was unexpected. She wanted to talk about Tamar, about everything we could. She guessed early on that I was developing feelings for her but did not chastise me on them like I thought she would. She surprised by telling me about a conversation she had had with Tamar.

"She said the same thing you said when we were talking about why you couldn't return, but instead of something holding you back, it was someone. I didn't understand it at the time, but I think that she was talking about herself."

"I know what you are talking about, she said the same kind of thing to me. I know we had a friendship, perhaps even a relationship, when I was Ascended but I am still foggy on the particulars. I think once she tried to say that she loved me. But she told me later that our relationship ended before I left."

She was going to reply but we heard Tamar voice drifting through my open door, so she didn't.

I caught my breath when she entered. She had her arms linked with Teal'c's and was laughing at something he had said, even his face had lighten up because of her. Her eyes were a beautiful bright blue, and she was wearing a wild flower in hair. I could smell her from where I was sitting, it was like a tangy fruit and I knew I was addicted to it.

"So, Teal'c had a marvelous idea," she said, her voice was deeper than you'd expect but it sounded so childlike at that moment.

"And what would that be?" I asked, trying to be nonchalant but failing. I heard Sam trying to laugh silently, I sent her glare.

Tamar smiled again, and I got a feeling that this would not work out well for me. "We should play basketball. It can be two on two, I can be on Teal'c's team and Sam and you can go together."

_Oh God, she is trying to kill me_

— Tamar —

I do not know what made me convince them all to play basketball, but it was a spur of the moment thing. I thought about inviting the General but decided against it, knowing that he would probably be very busy.

I mostly understood the rules of the game. Do not run with the ball, get said ball in the hoop, do not take it out of court, and do not get to physical. According to Teal'c that about summed up the game, but you could never trust that sneaky Jaffa.

Daniel was standing in front of me, bouncing the ball enticingly just out of my reach, a cheeky smile was gracing his face. I swiped at it and moved with him when he moved. I know that 'Sam' was being covered by my partner. I think it with the marks because she has only just told me stop calling her Lieutenant Colonel and Samantha Carter.

Daniel took advantage of my distracted mind and tried to shoot for a goal but failed. Teal'c got the rebound and passed it to me. I tried to dribble around Daniel but he blocked me, so I moved the ball in front of me and he ended up pressed against my back.

I took this opportunity to feel him up and I was not disappointed. At this time in the game we were all sweaty and so his shirt was already sticking to his body. His muscles tensed when I pushed against them, they were all well defined. He pushed his face against my hair and breathed in deeply._ Could he feel the same way I do?_

It was now my turn to push my advantage, so I danced around him, while dribbling and then took the shot. With some mental help it went in with a swish of the net.

I turned back to Daniel and smiled cheekily at him. He stared at me, a stunned look on his face.

"Sorry, Daniel." I said cheerfully, the smile still pulling at my lips. I felt a big hand fall on to my shoulder, I turned to see Teal'c's ecstatic face.

"Well done Tamar. I enjoy playing with you, I believe we make a good team." His voice was full of mirth.

"One more go, or should we call it a day?" Sam asked, joining the group after she had retrieved the ball.

"I don't know, I still have some work to do." Daniel said uncertainly.

"Just one more, please." I said, "Then I promise that I will help you."

"N-no!" Daniel said quickly, "I'll play, but I won't need your help, Tamar. Thanks for offering though,"

"I'll start," Sam said. I gave a quick look at Teal'c and he winked back at me. Sam got the ball and moved to the left and I followed her, she dribbled for a little and when I swiped at the ball, she passed. Daniel caught it with ease and tried to dodge around Teal'c to take the shot but Teal'c pushed him when he was in midair making his shot go wild. I got the rebound, Teal'c grabbed my waist and hoisted me up, and I just rolled the ball into the hoop.

Teal'c and I high-fived and then bumped our hips together.

"You are not going to let someone who has never played this sport and someone from another planet beat you at your own silly game, are you?" I questioned daringly.

"Silly game isn't over yet," Daniel replied, picking himself off the ground.

"Daniel's right, how do you know we ain't going easy on you?" Sam offered, I smirked back.

"You are trying your hardest. That is _painfully_ obvious." Sam passed the ball to Daniel, I followed him round.

"I'm gonna kick your ass," he said as he started to dribble.

"Promises, promises," I taunted back, waving my hips at the same time.

He put the shot up and I stopped it, in midair. The ball was just hanging there.

"Oops," slipped out of my mouth. And the ball dropped and bounced up and down on the floor. The others just stared at me.

"So what's happening here?" Asked the annoying voice of the General.

The others continued to stare at me, shock lingering on their faces. I tried to leave the room, but the General stopped me.

"Whoa, slow down there, buddy. Tell me what me happened." His hand was on my shoulder; I glowered at him and peered back at me curiously.

"I used my abilities by accident. I think _your_ people forgot that I am, uhh what's the word? Different… weird maybe." I pushed his hand off me and stalked out of the room.

_What the hell?_ My inner voice screamed, _What were you thinking? Oh wait you were just trying to impress him. Stupid _girl. Strangely enough it sounded like my father.

I could hear the heavy foot falls of someone trying to catch up with me.

"Tamar?" It was Daniel, his breathing was laboured. I continued to walk, partly ignoring him.

_I don't understand, _his thoughts were yelling in my head. I scrambled to put my walls up, to control my emotions and by extent my powers. _I thought she had more control than before, she was fine just moments ago. What set her off?_

"What, Daniel?" My voice came out far too harsh.

"How-… wha- … Can you explain what just happened to me?" I stopped and turned to him.

"I … I was having fun, more than I can ever remember and I … I thought I was playing, so I stupidly stopped the ball, in a joke. I forgot that it is not normal to have these abilities, to be able to do the impossible. I am sorry I ruined the game." He was listening to me, looking at my lips. I reached out to touch his arm, neutral territory.

"Daniel, I am sorry. Forgive me?" My question seemed silly but it snapped him out of whatever he was thinking.

"Ok, come to talk to me after we both shower. How about my…" _quarters? No I'm likely to do something I'll regret if we go there. But where is somewhere that is private yet public._ His thoughts were a shock to me, what did he mean 'something he'll regret'? "… my office? Say at 8, we can eat before with the others."

"If they want to talk to me," I whispered, I knew I was getting into one of my black moods. His hand came up to cup my face.

"They'll want to," his voice was so soft. I looked into his eyes and discovered he was much closer than I expected him to be. He had had to lean down to talk to me properly and I could see that it was hurting his neck.

I was distracted by that when his lips ever so softly brushed against mine. I felt electricity spark at the base of my spine and work its way quickly up to my mouth, where he had touched it.

He quickly moved away from me and walked off down the hall. As I watched his retreating figure I thought.

_What the fuck?_

-SGC-

Dinner that night was not only awkward between SG-1 and me but because of what happened in the hall, I could not look at Daniel without blushing. I was glad that the others were too distracted to notice that.

Nobody even tried to talk, we just ate in silence. Glancing at one another occasionally.

I concentrated on my food, bland as it was. The salad felt old and tasted soggy, and my steak was tough. Moving on to dessert I discovered what Sam had talked about. Blue Jell-O was indeed a gift from God, especially after _that_ meal.

After I finished, I quickly got up and made my way out of the commissary. Not really knowing where I was going, I wandered aimlessly in the halls. It was only 6:30 so I didn't want to go to Daniel's office yet, I was not quite ready to face him. I did not know what I was going to say or what was going to happen.

My emotions were still raw from the _incident_. I did not want to call it a kiss, I cannot exactly explain why. It just did not feel right to.

I found myself in the gym, the floor plan was simple for the large room. Weights to west, cardio machines to the north, a basketball ring and climbing wall to the east and in the center of the room was a fighting ring, as well as a boxing bag.

The room was empty so I pulled off my jacket and walked towards the boxing bag. I knew I needed to release some of my emotions and I remember Sam telling me that this helped relax her sometimes so I tried it.

Using a quick series of punches to the bag, I felt the tension in my shoulders begin to ease. I continued to do that for what felt like ages. Moving on to a more complex set, I noticed a change in the room, like another presence.

I turned quickly to discover a young man watching me.

"Can I help you?" My voice was abrupt, more so than I had intended. He took another step towards me and I felt my body slip into a more defensive position.

"I was just wondering if… well, would you like to go out with me?" _Oh god,_ is this what Sam was talking about when she said that I was beautiful and a lot of men thought so?

"I am sorry, but I am not actually meant to leave the base." Please take the hint, I thought softly.

"That's ok, we can just eat in the commissary." He offered. _Hint not taken_.

"What I meant was, you are probably a lovely young man and I am sure there is a woman out there for you but I am ten thousand years older than you and to be honest I am not interested in seeing you in an intimate way." Could this be any more awkward, I cannot think of what else to say. I felt heartbroken when his face fell.

"I am sorry," I said. I stood waiting for him to leave but he did not move. He looked up at me, and there was a look about him that scared me. A wild look, which indicated trouble because I had rejected him.

"You like Dr Jackson, don't you?" He again advanced towards me, I glanced around, taking in an inventory of weapons.

"Please leave, I wish to be alone." I said, "If you do not go, I will use force to make you leave and then I will make sure you can no longer be employed here." He faltered for a moment, thinking it over. I sighed in relief but at that sound he took another step towards me and then another.

"Stop." I said forcibly, I did not want this to result in violence. But he continued, despite all my warnings, so I stopped him.

He was confused for a moment, then started to fight against my power. It was difficult to hold him still, this was my first time using my power on anything moving let alone in a desperate situation.

"Do not do this," I said, "I do not want to hurt you." The fear in me was mounting but so was my desire to push him away and put a lot of distance between us.

When he started to gain ground, I pushed him back towards the open door. He scrambled up and came at me, running. I quickly pushed him back again, further this time, into the corridor.

The look in his eyes as he got up made me decide that he was obsessed with me, and I had only been here 5 days. I threw him back into the wall and held him against it. I moved to stand in front of him and it was then I noticed a strange presence about him, like he was infected with something.

I lay my hands on his forehead and his stomach. I pulled out the infection and he dropped to the floor.

I quickly left, confused by what had just happened. I rushed over to Daniel's office to discover it empty. It was only 7:15.

"Dammit," I swore loudly, thankfully there was no one in the hallway to hear me. I made my way to Daniel's quarters, hoping that he would be there.

— Daniel —

I was in the shower when I heard the loud knock on the door.

"Give me a minute," climbing out, I wrapped a towel around my waist._ Who the hell could it be? Oh shit, what time is it?_

I glanced at the clock on my way to the door, it was only 7:20. Could Tamar be trying to jump the gun and want to talk now?

I pulled the door open a crack and a distressed Tamar pushed her through and flopped down on my bed._ Please let this be about something else than what happened in the hallway._

"I think I hurt someone." Her voice sounded so sad and quiet. I sat down on the bad next to her.

"Tell me what happened," I said, not caring that I was sitting beside the woman of my dreams in only a towel. My only concern was for her, which might have surprised me a few days ago but not after the events of today.

"I was in the gym, Sam had suggested a good way to get rid of tension was to punch a boxing bag. So I was doing that and a young man came…" she retold the proceedings which led her to come into my room. Though I was concentrating on her words, I found my eyes wandering to her lips.

"Are you alright?" I asked, my trepidation for what had happened was overwhelming.

"I do not know, I keep thinking it over in my mind and I cannot think of anything I could do differently to avoid what happened. But I did not want hurt him, I warned him many times yet he kept coming," her voice was full emotion, from the sound of it I thought she was going to burst into tears.

She sounded so scared, not because she was attacked but because she had hurt him. She was obviously scared as to what the repercussions would be. She was almost trembling. It was seeing her like that, which made me snap. She was so scared and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't make the problem go away.

"Hey, look at me," I dragged her face up so she was, "you did nothing wrong. He tired to—I'm so angry at him, I can't find the words… if you hadn't already beaten him up, I would make sure he would never bother you or anyone else again and I am positive Teal'c and Sam would have helped me." I was staring into her expressive eyes.

She gave me a sad smile, "Thanks for trying to cheer me up."

"I'm here for whenever you need," I smiled at her.

Before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips against hers. And unlike last time I didn't pull away.

**Author's Note 2: **In the basketball game, think of the game between Teal'c, Vala, Daniel and Cam in _Beachhead_. But replace Cam with Sam and Vala with Tamar. With the thing in the shower, just work with me. I know the quarters lack a bathroom but it was the only way this scene would work. And I didn't intend for Tamar to say "that is _painfully_ obvious" for those who have watched Ark of Truth, I didn't mean it. PLEASE REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7  
><strong>**Author's Note: **Smut warning for this chapter.Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate Series and world. Please review

_Before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips against hers. And unlike last time I didn't pull away._

— Tamar —

It was my body that reacted first to his kiss, pushing itself back against him. My hands found their way onto his body, exploring the curves. It was then that I noticed he was only in a towel. _What the hell am I doing?_

His arms worked around my waist, softly caressing me through my clothes. And the same thrills of electricity that had affected me last time were now following his fingers. A passion that I was unfamiliar with burst from within me and I knew that Daniel was feeling the same way.

I slipped the shoes and socks off my feet, with my abilities. Not really thinking that I was abusing them, but knowing deep down I shouldn't be doing this.

After that was done, Daniel pulled me on to his lap. Me straddling him while we kissed and explored each other's bodies, his hands sliding under my black top, was an image burned into my mind for ever more. His fingers danced around my breasts and finally he pulled my top over my head.

His eyes widened when he saw my body, my chest was rising and falling dramatically and the muscles in my stomach made it look impossibly flat. My plain sports bra was removed as well, and his hands automatically cupped my breasts, his fingers teasing my nipples. My fingers wound into his hair as I pulled closer to him, our lips crashing together in so many ways. Desire was beginning to take hold of me, in ways that I had never known to be possible.

He stood up, holding me against him. I wound my legs around his hips so that he could carry me. His hand flew out and shut the door which had remained open after I had entered. He then pushed me against the wall. He controlled the kissing and exploration, he had pinned my hands above my head with one of his hands and his mouth made its way down to my breasts. I moaned loudly, more than once and was glad that nobody had rooms near this one. I did not know how to react to his actions but as he explored, the logical part of my brain shut down, no longer caring what was happening.

"Daniel," I groaned as he began to suckle me. He peeked up at me, not removing it from his mouth, the pseudo innocent look in his eyes driving me even wilder with excitement. I ground my hips against him, in an attempt to get some relief from the pressure there. He smiled against my breast. Using his other hand he undid the top of my pants and pushed them down as far as he could, my panties accompanying them. He began to explore me, his fingers somehow exciting yet evading where I wanted him to go most.

"Please," I begged, the emotions within me were driving me mad and I wanted a release from my body so badly. He pulled me off the wall, removing my trousers and panties and put me softly in the center of his bed.

"Are you sure you want this?" His question seemed stupid.

"Of course," I breathed back, beckoning him with my body. He undid the towel which had miraculously stayed at his waist and I was shown him in his full glory. He is beautiful, his body is strong, the long hours spent working out have paid off. His legs were amazingly long and well shaped, his penis was large. I felt desire pull in my nether regions and a blush spread across my body.

He climbed onto the bed, hovering over me his lips brushed mine and I wound my arms around his neck and pulled his body down on me.

"Daniel, please," the words escaped my lips. Within hearing my voice he pushed his lips hard against my own and entered me swiftly. I heard that there would be pain but I felt none of that. As he rose in and out of me, a feeling of completion swept through me. I moved with, meeting his every thrust. As his movements became wilder, I felt something coiling in my stomach. He reached down and stimulated me in a spot I did not know existed.

After a few more thrusts, I came undone and he quickly followed, burying his seed deep inside me. I floated on a cloud, the feelings of love and ecstasy were overwhelming my senses. He pulled out of me but held me close as we both drifted off to sleep.

-SGC-

_I was sitting at a park, watching children play. A particular child to be precise, she was dancing about the other children with a grace unfitting her years. A small boy was following her, laughing at something she had said. A baby cried out next to me._

"_I'm sorry, sweetie. Was I ignoring you?" I reached into the stroller and picked him up. He gurgled happily when I started to bounce him on my knee, his bright blue eyes lit up._

-SGC-

I do not really know what it was that woke me, but when I did wake up, I found that I could not drift back off. The memory of what happened was still clear in my mind. Daniel was spooning me, his arm about my waist and the other was being used as my pillow. I did not want to move, at this moment in time everything was perfect and that was all I needed. I went over the events again and again in my head.

Could I see this in twenty years? Yes, us. I had missed being in his company. A year was a long time to be away from someone you cared about and when... I do not plan on ever telling him that.

They told me he was dead. He had tried to Descend and failed, causing his mind to be lost. For my involvement in the Abydos incident, I was made to stay away from Earth. Forced to watch a different society, and did not realise that Daniel was alive and until he came and disturbed their peace.

I had watched as he was injured, unable to help. I watched another woman fall in love with him. I had secretly healed his eyes, encouraging them to return to their previous state. Watched him fight a corrupt leader and bring him down.

He could not know that I was there, it broke my heart when I had not interfered and it had been my deciding factor. It was what made me decide to join him on this plane and do all I could.

Fear lanced through me, we had not used protection. What if my dream had not been a dream at all but a prophesy? I loved the idea of carrying Daniel's child within me, but I had descended for this reason and for a long time I have known it would cost me my life. And I could not do that to a child, to take it's mother away from it. I knew the chances of me actually getting pregnant were remote but the fear remained all the same.

I pulled myself out of Daniel's arms, I didn't think as I sat there for a moment. Could I be pregnant?

Daniel stirred in his sleep and I quickly turned around and looked at him. His face had a look of complete bliss and that made me feel beautiful.

I thought back over the dream I had had when I first arrived. The one where I had been shot at by Anubis while I was _pregnant_ and another part of that dream was when there had been a child crying and _Daniel_ asked me to go back to bed. I knew the signs of a premonition but I had ignored it them, hoping that it was nothing. How could I be so stupid?

I was going to get pregnant and fight Anubis while I was, _fantastic_. Great now I had turned to sarcasm, a form of wit so low that it really could not be considered a wit at all.

He stirred again, reaching out for me but feeling too confused to actually touch him, I pulled away.

His eyes cracked open and he smiled at me. I have to be happy for him, I decided in that instant, just for a little while and then I will push him away, so he can survive without me.

"Hello," I said with a smile.

"Hey there," he returned, his beautiful voice was extremely clear.

"I… what happened between-" his forefinger against my lips silenced me.

"We can worry about it later," he said suggestively, I smiled harder at him. He rubbed his hand along my arm, his beautiful hands distracting me.

"Daniel," I whispered, "we cannot, we need to… well you need to work."

He pouted in response, so I leant down and kissed his lips. He tried to take control of it and make it more passionate, but I pulled out of his reach. I shook my head at him. As much as I wanted to do _that_ again, the more we did it the more likely I was to fall pregnant.

"Sorry, sweetie, but you have to go work." He rolled over in the bed and pretended to fall back to sleep. So I began to pull on my clothes.

_Why is she doing this? I just want to … I'm not sure what I want. I can feel myself falling in love-_

"Stop it." I breathed. There was an anger in me again, though my emotions were getting easier to control, I had obviously let my guard down.

"Stop what?" He asked. I wanted him to love me but not at this price, he would lose me I knew that.

"What the hell do you think, Daniel? You cannot do _that_! Promise me you will not."

He was becoming distressed, he sat and turned around and looked at the wall opposite the bed.

"What? What do you want me not to do?" _Tell me and I'll do it. Anything… just for you._ His voice sounded so sad, and I could almost hear my heart breaking. It was then I knew my course of action.

"Fall in love with me. I know I said we had a relationship before but it was over when you left and I cannot do it again, I do not want to." He tried to cut in but I kept going. I knew I had to push a little harder, what could I…? I looked around and it caught my eye, the photo of Sha're.

"I will not be a _replacement_ for Sha're. I do not care how much I remind you of her, I am not. I am nowhere as kind and forgiving as she is, I am never going to be her. I know I look like her, do not even bother to deny it. That photo is me but with brown eyes. I know deep in my heart that it is not but you don't, you keep seeing her when you look at me."

He went to talk but no sound came out. "I am sorry, Daniel. I cannot let myself watch you fall in love with me, knowing you are just falling in love with her again." I stood, fully dressed and I walked out of his room calmly.

_What have I done?_

— Daniel —

I turned and watched her leave.

She was wrong, I knew it in my heart but I could understand why she said it all. I truly hoped she wasn't right, but there was a little voice saying everything she said was true. It was true that she looked like Sha're, it was what drew me to her in the first place. Well, that and I knew her and couldn't quite figure out how.

We had just made magic, I don't think I have ever had it so good. I know she enjoyed it so what made her flip out? It was more than what she let on. Why else would she not want the relationship to work?

— Tamar —

I walked around the base for a while, avoiding places that Daniel would go, which meant that I couldn't go to any of my friends. Now that I had calmed down, I had thought back over my day and I found that I wanted to see what I could do for the young man who had tried to attack me.

I found him in the infirmary, surrounded by beeping machines that gave no clue as to what was wrong with him. The kind nurse who had helped me when I first arrived was on duty so I went to talk with her.

She told me that he had been found late last night and they did not know what was wrong with him, only that he was recovering slowly. I asked if I could take a look and she called over Dr Johns, who gave me the permission that I needed. He was lying there awake when I went over to him.

"Hello," I said to the man, as I leant over him to check his body's vitals. "Do you remember me?"

"Not really," he said, his voice was hoarse like he had an infection in his throat.

"That's alright, my name is Tamar. If you want, I'm going to try and help you," I kept a smile on my face so that he knew that I cared.

"Please," he replied, closing his eyes.

"I just have a couple of questions before I do anything. Is that reasonable?" He nodded, so I continued. "Have you been anywhere strange recently? Anywhere you would not normally go?"

"On PW6 757 I touched a device and that is the last thing I remember clearly."

I could see the place in my mind and the object that he had touched. I thought over that, it was a planet that my people had a research colony on. I think the device had been a bust and that project had been abandoned.

"I know where you are talking about. My people lived there for a small amount of time, which means that I know what is wrong with you and how to fix it." I felt my smile get brighter. "Can I heal you?"

He nodded, so I placed a hand on his chest and one on his forehead. I drew out what was left of the experiment and felt something about him change.

"Thank you," I heard him breathe.

I walked back over to Dr Johns.

"He should be alright now,"

"Would you be willing to help on a few other things?" He asked. I thought for a moment, I did need a new place to go because of the situation I had placed myself in with Daniel, plus I would enjoy helping the people here.

"How about I start coming to help out when I have free time?" I asked in reply and his face lit up.

-SGC-

It has been a week since what happened with Daniel. Sam and Teal'c understand that we have had a disagreement but have not tried to ask too much about the _incident_. They are both good friends. I no longer go and visit Daniel, I cannot bring myself to see him every day and be reminded of what has happened. We eat some of our meals together but we have not actually talked.

I feel incredibly guilty about cutting him off, but I know that I have to. I cannot have him suffering again when I die, which I am now certain about. My dreams have become increasingly more about a child and death. In most of the dreams, I do not survive but in the ones that I do, I am with a little girl and Daniel.

I have been working in the infirmary, dealing mostly with people with more serious injuries. I begin their process of healing and make sure that there is no infection.

I felt rather hollow recently, just in the past day. My emotions do not fill me up anymore, I can control it all. My thoughts often turn dark and I feel hatred towards myself for creating this predicament. I do not know how the Others have reacted to the news that I will bear a child, but I fear for Orlin and his part in this. At times I sit by myself and think of nothing, it is like meditating but not truly.

I have tried to inconspicuously research pregnancy, I am unsure of some of the signs and though the human have more limited knowledge than my people did, they do know somethings that have come in handy.

I have put much thought into how to convince the General to allow me to go off world, but I realise I must gain his trust and I can think of a few ways to do that. One those includes fighting him with no abilities, whether I should win or lose I am unsure. I have asked both Teal'c and Sam about it and they are both unhelpful as to what I should do. I have thought about asking Daniel, but whenever I do I think myself to be an idiot.

I do not want to fight General O'Neill, but all my other ideas take too much time. So I will.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review. Particular spoiler for Avatar.

— Tamar —

_I do not want to fight General O'Neill, but all my other ideas take too much time. So I will._

— Daniel —

I haven't seen Tamar much in the past week, which has been both a curse and a blessing. I hate being away from her, not talking to her and not seeing her smile. I haven't gotten much sleep because of it, every time I close my eyes I see her face. Because of that I do not have as much work to do, I do it into the early hours and then wake at the crack of dawn. Which does not help because when I have nothing to do my thoughts turn to her.

I know she has been working in the infirmary, helping with the more serious cases, she told me herself. Well not really, she refuses to steak to me but I did hear her telling Sam that she and the nurses regularly talk about it in the commissary. I did not think I would miss her distracting presence in my office, but I do. She was not only a great help with _all_ the Ancient translation, she could delve up a lot long dead languages that have not been spoken in thousands of years. She and Teal'c have developed a good rapport and enjoy spending long hours discussing topics at length, I do not wish to say that I am jealous of him but I am.

-SGC-

Teal'c is in danger, he had been too arrogant. We are unsure of what to do, most of the medical staff, including Tamar to my dismay, are in the room. We had already discovered that if we didn't get him out of the chair he wasn't going to survive. But we couldn't remove him forcefully or we would risk brain damage and the fail-safe system itself had failed, keeping him locked in the _game._

I was busy staring at Tamar, so my mind was only half concentrating on what everyone was saying. Tamar was trying to get Teal'c to respond and I saw her thinking about putting her hands on him and healing Teal'c in the way Jack had when he had the entire ancient data base in his head.

It was Jack's voice that pulled me out of my thoughts.

"You know, it's too bad we can't hook a joystick up to this thing. Give him a little help. Backup, maybe." I nodded in agreement, I tried to watch what was happening on the screen instead of Tamar.

"Actually," Bill said, "we could link up the other chair and send someone else into the same simulation." He then sighed and shook his head. "That wouldn't make any difference. The processors would network. And the second person would just fall victim to the same altered elements that have already trapped Teal'c."

Sam chimed in her bit, building on the idea. "Unless the new player had an advantage. Sir you may have done it again." She said turning to Jack.

"Yes. How did I do it this time?" He asked.

"These graphics are being generated by a data recorder that's tracking the game. It's actually interfaced into the system between the chair's processor and Teal'c. The chair decides what happens, Teal'c responds. Those responses are then incorporated and processed, and we see the results. It's a continuous loop of ever changing data." Sam offered.

"Oh. Still waiting on my good idea."

"The recorder causes a two second delay between the programming in the chair and the experience in Teal'c's mind. He won't know the difference, but we could use it yo our advantage." Bill then stepped in, the idea was still growing between them.

"If we hook up the second chair to the first, without using the recorder in the loop…"

"The new player would know what's about to happen two seconds before it occurred." Sam again.

"Like precognition." I put forward.

"Exactly." Sam and I both looked at Jack, he had a glazed look over his eyes. "It's not much, but it might give us enough of an edge to help both players win."

"That's assuming the chair's programming won't become aware of it and adapt." Bill this time.

"Which would mean there's a good chance the second player is trapped with Teal'c." Tamar chimed in. She had been silent the whole time, just listening to everything.

"I'll do it." Jack, Sam and me said at the same time. We all glanced around at each other and then at Teal'c.

"How about I go?" Tamar said.

— Tamar —

"No," was his flat out response.

"It is not your choice, Daniel." I quipped back, much harsher than I had intended.

"I don't know," Jack said.

"Why not me?" I asked, "Teal'c just as much my friend as he is yours. I may not have known him as long you but I do know him. I have had experience with precognition where none of you have. And my abilities will most likely work in this simulation, making me the greatest asset you have and even if they do not work I am the safest bet here. Because you all know that if this world loses one of you, it will not survive."

My words were working their way through their minds. I could see that I had convinced Bill and Sam, Jack was still debating it and Daniel would outright refuse it for a while.

"Well?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

Jack looked indecisive for a second and then nodded.

-SGC-

This world was very different to our world yet uncannily similar. The soldiers moved past me twice because of the strange vision, but I would get used to it. I ran to the position I knew Teal'c to be at.

"Teal'c, my friend." I called out to him, he squinted at me and then shot at me.

I stopped the bullets and dodged at the same time, unsure if my abilities would hold up against such an onslaught. When they did stop, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Teal'c listen to me, I have been sent in to try and help you. I know all about the simulation, and that the fail-safe didn't work." He stopped and stared at me for a second. He gestured for me to follow him.

We made our way to Sam's office. He told me what I needed to know from his previous experiences. We were just a turn away from Sam's hallway.

"It will not let me out," his words broke my heart.

"I know," I whispered back. "The game thinks that in a real situation, you would not quit."

"No matter what I do, it is not possible, Tamar. It is not possible!"

"Yes it is. That is why I am here." I couldn't help but give him a sweet smile. "Come on, let's do this. Together." He smiled back at me. We made our turn and walked into Carter's lab.

"You possess the ability to see into the future?" He asked as he skirted our way along the hall.

"Yes, to be honest it is a bit disconcerting. But sadly it is only two seconds, which is not a lot of time. I have a chance to see something happen, and all I can say is 'watch out'." I froze for a second and then felt their presence. "No seriously, watch out." I said as I pushed Teal'c into the open. Two super soldiers stepped out and followed us down the hall. I used my abilities to stop some of the blasts coming towards us, Teal'c fired his weapon and they did not respond the way that they should have. Instead of dying they just kept on firing.

I pushed him into the open doorway of Carter's lab and then slammed the door shut after us, keeping it there with my abilities.

"We must find the modulator chip to compensate for the drone's armour." Teal'c said as he began to search the room.

"Do you know where it is?" I asked, holding the door shut against the monsters outside it.

"It changes location each time." He replied, his voice was so tired.

"Of course it does," I said, rolling my eyes. I turned around and saw it. I made a grab at it but noticed at the same time that I was no longer holding the door shut.

"Down!" I yelled at Teal'c. I saw the drones come in and begin to fire and so they followed two seconds later. In that time I clipped the device into my gun, though my knowledge of these weapons is limited, I could aim and fire easily.

I stood up and did so, killing both drones with a couple of shots. Teal'c stood up afterwards and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I can do this."

-SGC-

We came around the corner searching for the last, invisible drone. I nodded as I advanced, Teal'c close behind me. I pulled up my hand, indicating that we needed to stop. I could see it materialise, so I pushed him back. We waited patiently for him to pass.

"We must find the Goa'uld." Teal'c whispered, once it had.

I nodded, "Let's go to the general's office." We began to make out way there when I saw a drone come out and attack us. I again pulled him back, towards the gate room this time.

The drone followed us firing its weapon. Trying to avoid it, I pushed us both to the ground, I cannot remember why I did not stop it with my abilities.

The General and Daniel came through one of the doors to the gate room, their weapons making loud concussive noises as they fired live rounds.

Teal'c swung around and shot the last drone. We both stood up and looked at one another.

"The naquadah generator." Teal'c whispered to me and we began to make our way to its location.

"You guys alright?" The General called out after us.

-SGC-

Teal'c entered the room, pointing his gun towards Sam, who was sitting with the generator trying to disarm it. Siler was on the ground, a few bullet wounds spattered his body.

"Step away from the device."

"Teal'c, it's about to go critical." I walked over and pushed Sam out of the way. The General and Daniel came into the room, their weapons forgotten.

"Put them all over there." I said, "I can deal with this." I began to deconstruct the generator, quickly too. I could hear them discussing the situation, of to which one of them was the Goa'uld. Sam seemed to be the main suspect but she was accusing Siler.

I finally changed the generator from critical to normal, so I stood and went to Teal'c.

"It is in one of them." He said. He gestured to them and I pulled my weapon up so it faced all of them, ready to kill them with its powerful force.

"I know,"

"Which one?"

"I cannot tell. It could be any of them." I could not see anything, not yet. We were at a stale mate, no one was quite sure what to do or how to react.

Sam made a grab at her side arm, which caused both the General and Daniel to as well. I pulled them out of their hands.

"Who the hell are you?" Daniel asked me. I had forgotten that they did not know me in this simulation.

"My name is Tamar, I am an Ancient." I replied, keeping my gun trained on him.

It was then I saw it, Siler stand up and try to shot everyone.

"Siler." I said to Teal'c and we both began to fire at the dead man.

With that the game ended.

I woke up in the chair, the device on my head feeling very heavy.

"Is it finished?" I asked.

"Yeah, you did it." Sam replied, a smile on her face.

"We have won," I heard Teal'c quietly say to the General.

"Well, it's what we do." Was his reply.

-SGC-

I was waiting in the General's office, his chair was free and I was sorely tempted to sit there but didn't. I was trying to gain his trust, not annoy him.

My boredom was reaching new heights when he finally came into the room. I had even begun to braid my uncontrollable hair. As he entered, I showed my respect by standing and waiting until he sat for me to do so also.

"Thank you," his words were so quiet, I would have had trouble hearing them but for the fact, recently my senses had become more active.

"You're welcome," my eyes smiled.

"I'm not sure why I let you do it, but you did well. For someone like you," I did not know how to reply, he was telling me that if I was a normal person I would have gained his trust.

"You know," he began, "I thought you'd make a big hubbub about me not letting you do anything but you're not. Why?"

"You will come to trust me, just as you have everyone else on your team. I wish I could convince you quickly, but the chances of that happening are slim. I know today probably helped and I am glad I could show how I can be of use to you." My words were slow, I was not trying to talk to him like he was a child, but it did sound like that.

"All the things that you did in the game, can you do those in real life?" His question had a double meaning. Not only was he curious of my abilities but he needed to know what kind of risk I was.

"I can do more, the game in a way limited what I could do. I can start fires out of nothing, and I assume you know of both my healing and psychic capabilities?"

He nodded in kind,_ those could be useful in the field, but what if she goes bad? Maybe Carter could rig up something to stop those powers if it comes to it._

"I am willing to help build such a device, one that would _temporarily_ nullify my abilities." He looked at me in shock. "I apologise, I cannot always control when I read, but I do try not to. I believe it is an invasion of privacy."

"How long would it take to whip up something like that?"

"Given your level of technology, the power requirements and testing time… I would hazard a guess at 3 days. If all that is needed is here of course." My mind was working on the calculations, though in my mind I was more a philosopher and historian than a scientist. All my people had a basic understanding of maths and science. If we had been at my home it could have been done in a few hours but this world was much newer than it and the level of technology much lower. But Sam should be able to assist me if I do not understand anything.

"When can you start?"

"As soon as I leave, I will check that you have everything I need. Is there anything else?" I had hoped that he might let me join SG-1 at this time, after I proved that I was indeed useful.

"Yes, there is. Do you want to go off world?" His question surprised me though I should have seen it coming.

"I do, but I decided that I should not pressure you into making the decision. It is unfair of me to ask you to trust me and let me travel with your friends in such a short amount of time."

"Was that a yes?" He asked, it was now that I noticed he was slumping in his seat and his eyes were drooping shut.

"It was,"

"If you have some training then I'll let you go with SG-1, but _ you_ have to talk to _all_ of them about it." His voice was now reflecting what I was seeing in his body.

"Thank you." I turned to leave but stopped. "Do you know that you are sick?"

"I kinda guessed," I walked over to him and began to place my hands in the position to heal him.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, trying to push my hands away from him.

"General I am going to heal you. You do not mind do you?" I added as an afterthought. Healing had become a second nature to me after this past week.

"Go ahead," he muttered. I put my hands in the position and began to draw out the infection within him.

When I was finished I talked softly to him, saying, "You should probably go lie down, you might fall asleep."

I heard him say, "Call me Jack."

With a smile, I walked out of his office. Shock filtered through, I was going to be in SG-1but to do so I had to talk to _Daniel_.

— Daniel —

I was still angry at Tamar about today, except I wasn't. I was angry with her because she didn't listen to me and that she went instead of me. Yet I was glad that she had been able to help Teal'c and in that gain Jack's trust. I knew that it was important to her, she had asked Teal'c and Sam about it a few times but hadn't asked me.

I know she is avoiding me but I really wish she wouldn't. I want to have her as a friend if I cannot have her in the way I want, if nothing else. I would rather have her friendship than nothing. I have been meaning to talk to her about this, maybe I will try tomorrow in the commissary.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review. Smut warning.

_I was going to be in SG-1but to do so I had to talk to _Daniel_._

— Tamar —

I was waiting in line for my food when I heard his voice.

"She sure is pretty," it said. I knew the voice but the name and face to accompany it were blurry.

"I don't think she'd be interested in you," Daniel's voice this time. She who?

I quickly selected the easiest meal, a pre-wrapped sandwich. And moved to a seat where I could at least hear them talking, it just happened to be with Janine, a nurse who I liked. She, in fact was the nurse who had lent me her clothes.

"Hello," I smiled, placing my tray softly on the table.

"Hey Tamar, how are you?" She was very pretty with natural black hair and startling green eyes.

"I am well. You?" She gave a non-committal nod of her head and continued to eat her lunch. I took a bite of my sandwich and discovered that it had avocado in it. Which brightened my day a little, avocado had such a nice texture. And my day needed all the brightening it could get, I had walked around for half an hour before being permitted to enter the infirmary. After that, they had threatened to make me leave because I had gotten bored and started o practise lifting things.

"Well, I might ask her out." I heard the voice from before proclaim.

"You can try," Daniel's voice snickered. It was annoying me that they did not realise that could hear them. "I doubt it'll—"

"You know everyone here can hear everything you are saying?" I said loudly, stopping Daniel.

I stood and went over to their table. What I saw was a Daniel with a shocked expression on his face and a man that very familiar, a man he had spent a bit of time with.

"Hey, you know a girl reacts better to _flirting_," I gave a pointed look at Daniel, "if you actually talk to her. And who knows, she may say yes when you ask her out." I looked back at the man meaningfully.

"I might just do that," he said, then walked over to Janine who was surprised to see him go and talk to her. They stood for a while conversing before she offered him my seat. I smiled and turned back to Daniel, who happened to be glaring at me.

"Hello Daniel," I said chipperly and then left the commissary.

I heard his foot falls follow me out, and then a hand landed on my shoulder.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked me. I recoiled from the hand.

"Language Daniel." I knew he did not like to use such crude words but I had obviously hit a nerve.

"What? You are only going to grace me with two words at a time now?"

"Was I?" I queried, a smile pulling at my face. I did not mean to be teasing him, but I was in the mood to tease.

"Don't be a bitch."

"Daniel, watch your language." He stared at me for a moment, shock was becoming a constant companion to his nose. "Oh, right, I am only meant to use two words. Sorry how about—" It was his lips crashing to mine that stopped me talking.

I pushed him away both mentally and physically. But he had tangled his fingers into my messy bun, so it hurt when it happened.

"We need to talk," he said. "Come to my office, now." His words were more forceful than when he normally spoke. He stalked off, and I followed quietly.

What did he want to talk about? My behaviour to him or had Sam and Teal'c discussed with him the fact I would be joining SG-1? I had finished the device two days ago, there had been no delays so it was done in the specified time. It was after that I began my training, working with Sam and Teal'c to hone my combat skills. Sam and Teal'c had both been impressed with my progress. Both claiming early on that it would not take long for me to complete the training and they had been ecstatic about my news of joining SG-1.

I did not want to hope either way, I knew things would become even more awkward for us on missions. Sometimes though I wished I had not pushed him away, it would be nice to have him as a friend, if I could not allow myself to be his lover.

When we both got in to the elevator, we were completely alone. I could help but give him a few glances. He looked tired, his face showed the weariness, just as much as his posture.

I could feel my curiosity bubbling up and the question came through my lips with little thought.

"How have you been?"

"Good," his reply was curt, I felt horrible for some reason, like it had been my fault.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," this time there was anger in his voice. The feeling grew and I wanted to do something about it.

"Daniel talk to me. Tell me what is wrong, so I can help."

"I don't want to," He turned away from me, leaning heavily into the wall.

"Daniel please, I just want to help."

"I'm sick of this. This … feeling I get whenever I am around you, telling me to pick you up and you take you someplace far away where you can't get hurt." He would not look at me so I had to go and stand in front of him. Even then he would not meet my eyes, my hand latched onto his chin and dragged it up.

"Daniel," the sigh escaped my lips. "I am here on this world because _you_ taught me that we need to stand up for what we believe in. I am not going to abandon it, not after I finally got the courage to descend and destroy one of the more evil things in this galaxy. But I cannot do it alone that is why I came _here_. I need _your_ help, you have been the key to my success the entire time."

_Damn,_ I was not going to tell him that.

"I taught you?" He asked, a light in his eyes beginning.

"Yes, you and no other. And for that, I thank you." I pulled him into a hug, my arms about his waist. I inhaled his familiar scent and basked in it for a moment.

"You're welcome?" the response was squeaked out. I heard the elevator doors open, I tried to pull away but he clung to me. I dared to try and understand why by opening my mind to his.

_She smells like raspberries, the kind you pick and eat. Fresh and clean, with an underlying tangy and bitterness that you don't expect. It is nice to have human contact, my walls haven't come down for what feels like forever. I need to stop this now, before I lose what little control I have. I wonder if she is listening to me. Tamar?_ The question astounded me.

_Yes_, I replied in my own head. I couldn't let him know that I was reading but I wanted to know…

"Holy shit," Daniel said out loud. I pulled away from him properly this time and made sure he did not hold on.

— Daniel —

I heard her, she was listening to me and I heard her. What the hell just happened?

She grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the elevator. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't think of what to say, so it closed. I wanted to make sure what I had just done was in my imagination so I tried again. _Tamar?_

"Daniel," I heard her growl, "stop it! We can talk about it in your office." Her voice was more controlling than I can ever remember it being, so I listened to her. It took only a few seconds to get to my office at the pace she was setting.

The door closed behind us quickly and I heard the lock click. She stood in the middle of my office, leaning against my work station heavily. Her face was cradled in her hands

"How did I do that?" I asked, walking closer to her.

"When you descended, your body was given physiological and biological advancements. Oma did not know, I did it without telling anyone." She stopped to breath for a few seconds. "You were meant to develop them quickly, but you never did, so I assumed the Others had reversed it."

_I mean I had hoped you would develop them by yourself, and when I came down I thought I might be able to help you do so but … _Her lips weren't moving but I could hear her voice none the less.

"I can hear you, in my head." I whispered to her. Her hands left her face, a frown now lingered there.

"You can?"

"Yes, you hoped you could help me develop now that you were here." I was reeling in my mind. _What the hell was happening?_

"I did not know this would happen. I had planned to train you slowly, so you could help me defeat Anubis." She was partially in her own world, like she was trying to make sense of this madness.

"Can you help me to stop?" I asked, I didn't want to have to listen to other people's thoughts every day.

She nodded, I again had her voice in my head, _I will train you, teach you how to control it but I can't stop it. Unless we find a DNA manipulation control._ _The first thing will be how to not hear everything. Just try to block out my thoughts._

It was harder than I thought to do so, I tried to push her away in my mind but nothing would work. _Try a wall_, a different voice said in my head, Oma Desala's. I attempted it and it worked.

"I can't hear you," I said, a huge smile spread across my face.

"Well done," Tamar whispered. Her eyes were full of an emotion that I couldn't quite define. "Now that you have done that we can talk." _What? _I thought, why talk when we could communicate in our minds.

"We cannot do that because I would have to share everything with you and no matter how developed you are, you could not handle that so soon. It was you who wanted to talk to me, remember?" Her words made sense, though I didn't want them to. I wanted to share everything with her.

"Ok,"

"What did you want to talk about?" She prompted kindly, a sweet smile flashed across her face.

"I … I wanted to talk about why you had been ignoring me and the fact you are joining SG-1."

"I am sorry about that," she answered, "even though I am the one who finished our … intimate relationship, I still held feelings for you. I needed time to … get over them?" The last bit came out as a question rather than the statement she intended.

"I… I didn't want the relationship between us to end," I breathed, hoping she wouldn't hear it but she did seem to have an uncanny sense of listening to the quietest things.

"I am sorry, but you can understand my reason as to why I had to end it. I came to the conclusion recently, though I do not want you in that capacity in my life, I do want you in it." She was looking at me, looking for understanding and a little bit of forgiveness. And feeling the way I do about her I couldn't help but give it to her.

"I… thank you, I want you in my life. The time we spent together, working together was amazing. You helped me in ways you wouldn't believe." I wanted to love her and if she allowed us to be friends I might be able to convince her to change her point of view.

"I did enjoy working with you," a nod of her head proved that, "and I would like to do it again. It would sure beat spending _all_ my time in the infirmary. You also said you wanted to talk about me joining SG-1."

"Well, my main problem with it was the fact we weren't on speaking terms. But now that we are, I can't really think of a problem." I did have a few issues as to if she had the right amount of training, but from what I had heard from Teal'c and Sam's bragging she wouldn't have a problem fitting into SG-1.

_Oh God, she is going to be with him off world. Would the torture never end?_

— Tamar —

I blinked, my eyes could barely stay open.

"The general will see you now," Sergeant Harriman said, an old clipboard was in his hands and he looked a little tired.

"Tamar?" Jack called out. I gave a quick smile to the sergeant and ducked into the room around him.

"General?" I asked in the same tone he had used. He squinted at me and tried to raise one of his eyebrows like Teal'c does.

"What do you want?" His voice had his annoying feeling to it.

"I just came to tell you that no one minds if I join SG-1." I knew I shouldn't be mocking him by copying him but I was so tired that I didn't care. He hadn't stopped his glare slash squint.

"Well, welcome to SG-1. Is there anything else?"

"No. Bye." I said then left, without a thought.

I walked as fast as my legs would carry me to my room. I could see the young mister Turner outside it, talking with a young lady, who was coyly smiling back at him. I gave them both a nod before entering my room and flopping on my bed. I was asleep by the time my head hit the pillow.

-SGC-

_He loved me. I did the only thing I could when being met with something like this. I kissed him. God, he tastes good: honey and sunshine. Once the shock left him, he kissed back with such force, I fell backward. He never broke stride, though. He followed me through and wound up on top of me, right where he belongs._

_"Daniel, I need you." He pulled back and looked at me skeptically. I guess he found what he was looking for because he gave me an Earth shattering smile and helped me onto the bed. I sat perched on the edge of my bed while he stripped off his soaking wet shirt. DANG! He had been working out and oh, the glory. I stood up and kissed him again while exploring his now exposed torso. His hands slowly brought up the back of my shirt before we broke apart and he threw it to the floor. He kept eye contact but not without great effort. When I nodded, he looked down._

_The widening of his eyes was almost comical. In fact, I giggled a little. In retrospect, I think it only made the situation worse. His eyes flashed to mine before he started to palm my breasts. I moaned. How could something so simple feel so good? Once he lowered his head to my left nipple, I couldn't stand. He placed his arm on my back and lowered me onto the bed. After he switched to my right nipple, he slipped his fingers into my pajama bottoms and underwear and slipped them down my legs in one, slow swoop. He stood and just stared at me, lying naked, in front of him._

_I suddenly got self conscious and brave simultaneously. I sat up quickly and undid his belt while staring at him from underneath my eyelashes. He got the hint and toed off his socks and shoes. I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants quickly pulling them down with an unneeded urgency. I'm sure the shock on my face was evident when I noticed he'd gone commando. He chuckled a little and answered my unasked question._

_"Yes. That really is a habit I picked up at college. You don't always have time to do laundry." Without warning, I sucked his tip into my mouth. Now, I've never done this before but, I must be doing something right. I looked up to see his head thrown back and the tendons in his neck pulled tight. His hand somehow made its way into my hair, guiding my movements. His hips started thrusting him into my mouth further and I took him in all the way; a feat I didn't know was humanly possible._

_"Tamar," He moaned. "Darlin, that feels so good but, you have to stop. As much as I want to come in that pretty little mouth of yours, it's not going to happen right now." Not only were his dirty words turning me on, the fact that his accent thickens when he's turned on had me dripping on my sheets. When I didn't stop he pulled my head back by my hair. Is it natural that that turned me on, too? "Tsk, I said stop."_

_"Yes, Sir." His eyes widening and darkening were the last things I saw before he jumped me. Within what seemed like two seconds, he was on top of me and had his cock poised at my entrance. "Foreplay can wait until later. I promise I'll rock your world but right now, I need to be inside of you. I'll go as slow as possible. I'll try but, you're making it really hard for me."_

_"That's what he said."_

_"Shut up. Stop hanging out with Ferretti." As a punishment he guided his dick between my folds but made sure he wouldn't enter me. With only three sharp thrusts, he had me screaming._

_"Daniel, please."_

_"Yes, Ma'am." With that said he thrust into me, hard and fast. I winced in pain and clawed into his shoulder blades. He moaned at the pressure. "Shit, Tamar. You're so fucking tight. Baby, tell me when I can move. God, you're hot." After a moment of calming breaths, I thrust my hips up slightly as a go ahead. He nodded and pulled out until only the head was still in. He started thrusting into me slowly with a look of bliss and severe concentration on his face._

_"Daniel, harder. Faster, please." Then, he slammed into me. Hard, rough and fast. Just how I wanted it. "Oh, God. Daniel, I'm gonna come."_

_"Good girl. Come on my dick for me. Scream my name." My entire body started shaking and I screamed. Once he worked me through it, almost sending me into another mind-blowing orgasm that I had to fight off, I had an idea._

_"Your turn." I flipped him over and straddled him without ever breaking contact. Yeah, I have skill. I started riding him hard and fast. He hands dug into my hips trying to guide me but, I was having none of that. "Uh uh. I don't think so." I pinned his arms above his head and started riding him harder. I had no idea he could go so much deeper._

_"You look so good on top of me, baby girl. I'm so close." I let go of his wrists and steadied myself on his chest. With his left hand he reached down to where we were connected and started playing with my clit, making sharp circles._

_"Oh, God, DAN-IEL!" I came for the second time and it was better than the first. When I finally opened my eyes, I saw the most beautiful look on Daniel's face._

_"I'm coming, baby. Don't stop. Faster, please." Hearing him beg me to fuck him was the sexiest thing I had ever heard. He grabbed my hips and forced me onto him as he twitched and came inside me. While doing so, he hit a spot inside me I never knew existed. I screamed as I came again soon to fall on his chest, worn out._

-SGC-

This dream caught me off guard, could my body be craving his? I couldn't think of anything but the dream and had trouble going to back to sleep.

**Author's Note 2: **I bet you weren't expecting that, the fact that Daniel has powers or the fact Tamar had a sex dream, sorry, evil little pixie aka my muse likes to control the keyboard and have her wicked way sometimes.

Pixie: Who? Me? I think you have me mistaken for someone else. You're the one who has wicked ways. Silly girl

Me: *shakes head in disgust* Go annoy someone else, I need to write.

Pixie: I'm the reason you write, so I command you to go and write. *cracks imaginary whip*

Me: You know there is-*whip cracks near head* Never mind…


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review. Particular spoiler for _Affinity_.

— Tamar —

Sam is hiding something, I do not know exactly what it is but I have a feeling it has something to do with Pete and maybe Jack. I want to bring it up with her, but she may not be comfortable with it. Though it cannot hurt to try, can it? I know it is late but I already checked her quarters and she has not left the base.

That is why I am standing outside office about to knock. I freeze when I hear Jack's voice.

"… utter these words. I need that report."_ Sam was late on a report? That did not sound like her, but she had been distracted. _I went to leave but curiosity got the better of me and I stayed to listen.

"Right. Um…. I-I just need to finish typing up my notes. I'll have it for you first thing tomorrow." She sounded tired.

"It is tomorrow."

"Oh" I heard some shuffling of paper.

"I'm joking. I don't need the report."

"Well they why…"

"Because something is going on with you. You haven't tried to confuse me with any of your scientific babble for the last couple of days, and that's a red flag to me." For a second there was silence and then Sam said.

"Pete gave me this." _What?_

"People normally wear these on their fingers." _Oh,_ great Jack, sarcasm really works. But he was only trying to relieve some of the tension in the room

"I haven't said yes."

"And yet you haven't said no." He was worried about her answer, not knowing which way he wanted it to go.

"I told him I needed to think about it."

"And?" he left off the rest, she answered quickly afterwards.

"That was two weeks ago."

"Ah." It was more of a sigh than a comment.

"You know, all these years I've concentrated on work, I just assumed one day I'd…"

"Have a life?" The question resounded in my head, she wanted to live outside of work?

"Yeah. And now it comes down to it, I don't know. I mean, every time we go through the gate, we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody through that?"

"Pete is a cop. I think he could handle it."

"What about kids?"

"What about 'em?" _God,_ could Jack be any more insensitive?

"Do I take maternity leave and then come back? Do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet, on the edge of the Crab nebula?"

"Carter, there are people on this base who have families."

"What about you? If things had been different…" An awkward silence, this is the reason for the tension between them. Sam had feelings for Jack? I had seen that coming for a while.

"I wouldn't be here." He turned to leave, I scattered down the hall. I could hear his footsteps coming towards me so I darted into a room. As soon as I heard him retreating down the hall, I left it.

-SGC-

I was in the infirmary when I heard the news about Teal'c, that he was suspected of murder of Krista's boyfriend. I knew that he had been developing feelings for the girl and found her to be a good companion but murder? That was not like Teal'c, he was too honourable for such evil things. No one that I could talk to would tell me much about it, but that was only because they didn't know anything about it.

I left almost straight away after my 'shift', Daniel's office being my destination. He was studying something on the computer and did not hear me come in. On his screen there was a set of Ancient writing, _actual words are lacking and hard to understand, so try a different way_. On a piece of paper in front of him was his own translation, _actual words are absent and hard to understand, so try a different way_.

"It's lacking, not absent. Just thought you should know," I whispered in his ear. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of my voice.

"Holy hell Tamar. What do you think you're doing? Sneaking up on me like that?" He quickly exited out of the document and hid his notes.

"What you doing?" I asked, soundly scarily like Jack. His frown became comical at the tone of my voice.

"How much time have you been spending around Jack?"

"Less than you," I replied, which was very true. I barely had free time to spend around Jack, I was either in the infirmary, in his office, working out with Sam and Teal'c, helping Sam or talking with Teal'c. No free time to think, which was the way I preferred it.

"Really?" He looked distracted now, like he was trying to hide something.

"Do I have to read you to get you to tell me what is going on?" I asked, I did not want to but his hiding was becoming more atrocious by the second.

"NO," he cried out, too loud for this room. I put my hand on his arm and tried to get a reading. All I could see was a wall, one that was placed well between us.

"Nice wall, too bad I know how to find the door." I whispered to him, his eyes widened in shock.

I looked deep into his eyes, going too close for comfort. When the wall did not crumble, I hesitantly pressed my lips softly against his and that seemed to do the trick. I pulled away quickly, trying not to be distracted by the feelings chorusing through my body.

_Teal'c is in trouble. The Trust has him and there is not much that I can do about it, they want me to translate this stupid Ancient writing into Goa'uld. … she can hear every word I am saying… How did she describe it? Build the wall out of the strongest thing in your mind, your will._ And the wall was rebuilt, so I pulled away from him.

I stared at him, opening my own mind to him. _The _Trust _has Teal'c? And they want you to translate that writing? You cannot tell anyone can you? Or else they will kill him?_ I kept barriers up around my memories, I could not have him finding out about my dream or the other thing. I could not even think the word with him being so close.

He blinked once, indicating a yes, to all my questions.

_Are you sure?_ He rolled his eyes in response. _What can I do to help?_

He frowned, _Nothing,_ sounded his voice in my mind. He was learning control quickly.

"So do you know when I will be going on my first mission, you know off world?" I needed to talk to him, but I had a suspicion we were being watched so I changed the topics.

He shook his head, "Probably next time we go on a recon mission, just the small stuff first."

I tried to look disappointed. "I am bored,"

"Do you know how much you sound like Jack?" His question annoyed me.

"I am not like Jack," I replied, fake anger covering my face.

"Can you go annoy someone else? I need to do some work."

"Sorry," sarcasm rolled off my tongue, as a tiny smile worked its way on to my face. I flounced out of the room.

-SGC-

I do not know how to handle the information I have just gathered from Daniel. The very news that Teal'c could be killed was making me react stupidly. I thought about going to Sam or Jack but I knew I couldn't, Daniel had given me the impression that the Trust would know if I did. I wondered if they knew about me, and if they did what did they know?

Thoughts of knowledge brought me to the things I was hiding, for starters the fact I was most likely going to die if I went up against Anubis and then there was my pregnancy. I was now very sure that I was pregnant, though these humans could not tell until at least 2 weeks and those tests were nowhere near accurate.

My people had built the 'gates' for safe transport between planets, mostly for livestock and people who could not spend a lot of time in space. This meant the elders, the children and women who were pregnant. The people here thought that the 'gate' caused side effects, like the headaches and did not know the results of travelling through the 'gate' while pregnant. But I had determined that the headaches were to do with stress and the 'gate' was designed for the transport of delicate and fragile objects.

I have wanted to talk to someone about my pregnancy, but I do not want anyone here to know because I fear they would restrict me to the base. Not that I already was not, but these people believed that even in early pregnancy women should not be allowed to put much strain on their bodies. I wanted to see if I could talk to Orlin, but I have always been unable to summon him correctly and I do not think Oma approves of me being here.

I know I will eventually have to tell them, it will become obvious. But for now, I just wish to enjoy my time here without having to convince them nothing is wrong. I will tell Dr. Johns first, and soon hopefully he will keep it to himself, though I do not wish to alarm him when I return from a mission and he discovers I am _magically_ pregnant.

Daniel will be angry when he discovers this is the real reason I pushed him away, he will want to come back into my life. In a way I do not wish him to find out, nor do I want this child. But the part of me who never had a child and wanted to be a mother grows angry whenever I think about it.

-SGC-

I am stuck in the base with nothing to do. Daniel is missing, Teal'c is (self)confined to his quarters and Sam is out looking for Daniel. Jack will not give me the permission to go off base with her and they kicked me out of the infirmary, something to do with pacing being annoying. So I am stuck not only in the base, but there is no one I can go and see and I do not like to exercise alone.

Needless to say that I reached bored about oh I do not know, the second they kicked me out? I thought about practicing my powers but I now have full control of my telekinetic abilities. Plus Jack told me if I even thought about setting something on fire he would bring out the neutralising device.

I want to do something but I can think of nothing, I even tried to offer my services to the man who helps Sam, Bill or something. But his excuse was that he did not actually have any work. My next step is to go annoy either Sergeant Siler, Sergeant Harriman or just go and annoy Jack again. Though I do not want to get thrown out of his office, it might be my only choice. I could try and convince him that I need to practice my pyrokenetic abilities. I rushed out of my room, avoiding the elevator and bounding the stairs two at a time.

Of course I did not see a burly airmen climbing the stair towards me, so lost in my own mind, I also did not see him move out of the way, but accidentally leave his foot in my road. I went tumbling down the stairs, feeling the crack of bones as I landed heavily on each stair. I instinctively wrapped a hand around my belly and the other around my head.

I came to a stop at the bottom of them, my head was throbbing, an ache had established in my right femur and my ribs felt abused.

"Oww," I breathed out, as my eyes closed and oblivion welcomed me into her cold embrace.

— Daniel —

I had only been back moments when I saw her, Tamar was on a gurney being taken to the infirmary. I followed anxiously, wanting to gain any tidbits of information I could. I heard broken leg, concussion and other horrifying words.

Fear was flooding through me when they took her into the small operating room, which doubled for an isolation room. She wasn't going to die, but the fear was still a companion in my mind. I watched as one of the doctors conducted his tests on her, taking blood and injecting other things into her. It was a scary process to watch when someone you cared about was the one being examined.

I heard Jack, Sam and Teal'c come into the small observation room. I gave a nod to each of them, and then wrapped my arms back around my waist. I watched in horror as one of the nurses passed a scalpel to the doctor. I wanted to turn away, so I wouldn't have to watch as they cut her but I had to watch to know they didn't hurt her more than she already was.

I sat down in a chair as we watched for what felt like ages as doctors did whatever the hell it is they do. I know Jack had to leave at some point, but I didn't take notice of it. My eyes were stuck on Tamar. They finally left her alone, the machines around her indicating she was alive but nothing more.

"She is going to be alright, but she is going to take a while to heal, even for her. The damage was pretty bad, we fixed what we could and she has taken care of some of the smaller things. I give her at least a week to full recovery." Doctor Johns informed us, "You can go to her now." He said directly to me before leaving. I was in the room so quickly I barely had time to breath.

"Tamar can you hear me?" I talked both out loud and tried to reach out with my mind to her.

It was like brushing up against the wall of a bouncing castle. No matter how hard you push against it and no matter how much it feels like it is going to give, it will just push you back. I could feel no thoughts outside of it, but I tried again. _Tamar? Please hear me._

She groaned, it was only small but it was a response. "Comdo…" I heard escape her lips but it was barely loud enough to hear.

"Tamar, you need to speak a bit louder." I whispered, desperately clutching at her hands.

"Comdo asordo," it was louder this time. I recognised the language instantly, Ancient. Comdo was please and what was asordo… help. _Please help_. She was asking me to help her, but I can't.

"Tamar, there is nothing I can do." It was hurting me to be so helpless.

"Cruvis." _Wrong_. Her words were still too quiet but at least she was talking. "Puta… puta." _Think… think._ Think of what? I'm wrong about being unable to help her and I need to think of why.

"Fallatus," _Ability_ was the next whispered word, she then tried to reach out her hand to touch me. The ability was in me, the ability to what? Read her mind? What had she said to me?

_When you descended, your body was given physiological and biological advancements… You were meant to develop them by yourself… I thought I might be able to help you… train you… _Did she mean that I might be able to heal her? Could that be it? But I didn't know how, what if I got it wrong? Maybe Sam could use the hand device… I was fumbling, I could feel myself falling apart.

Seeing her so appallingly hurt, was hurting me. Knowing she couldn't think straight, she couldn't speak English any more. A part of me wanted to go and find the airmen who called it in, to see what they knew. Another part didn't want to leave her side, she was in pain and I didn't want her to suffer alone.

I stood there trying to understand.

What is wrong with me? She fell down a flight of stairs and you'd think by my reaction someone had tried to murder her. What would my life be like without her? I did not want to think about it, I don't know how I would survive without her.

I love her. The reality of the situation hit me square in the face, I love Tamar.

"Daniel," she rasped out, "comdo asordo. Comdo… comdo… comdo," the word was repeated over and over again.

How had Jack done it on Proclarush? A hand on the head and one on the chest. I tried and felt something, her body and all the problems with it. It was trying to heal itself and the doctors had done a good job of starting the process, but I knew I could give it an extra edge. I did what felt natural and I could feel it working, like energy was flowing from me to her.

I wave of tiredness washed over me and I had to stop.

"Euge," I heard her whisper and then a smile pulled at her lips. My world seemed to brighten in ways that I didn't know was possible.

"Tamar?" I asked, "Are you alright?"

"Etium… I mean yes, I am. Thank you." Her eyes were half open and watching me.

I looked at her and the feelings from before washed over me.

_I love her._

— Tamar —

The pain was finally subsiding throughout my body, I could feel areas that I could not feel before and knew that they were healing. It was because my walls were weak and he was practically shouting his thoughts, that I heard him.

_I love her._ Oh shit. He could not… when did he… this cannot be real.

It was like a punch to the guts, I had finally found him and now I had to leave him. He would be left without me, without my love. I did not want him to the pain I had experienced when I thought he was dead. What he had already felt for Sha're.

He was supposed to be getting over his feelings for me. That was what he said he… no he never said that, I tricked myself into thinking it. Like I have tricked myself into thinking no one would find out about the pregnancy.

They took blood, shock ran through me at the realisation. Through blood these people could tell if someone was pregnant. I needed to talk to the doctor and then Jack. They are going to hate me for hiding this. Jack will probably make it so I can no longer go off world and the doctor will support it.

I tried to sit up, but pain shot through me again. Damn, he had not healed everything.

"Daniel," I said, he was staring at me with a distant look, like he was looking but not really seeing. "Daniel!" More forcefully this time, my hand shot out to touch him.

"Tamar?" His eyes returned from their vacant state.

"I need you to finish healing me," he began to shake his head, "I know you are tired but I will be able to help you this time. I will guide you," he still looked sceptical, but I knew he would do it for me.

"I-I don't know what I'm doing,"

"I promise, I will help you," He nodded his head.

I put one of his hands on my forehead and the other on my chest. I knew this would require I fair level of giving and taking on both our parts and it would be easier to guide him in a different way.

_Can you feel where the body is wrong?_

-SGC-

"Tamar, where the hell do you think you're going?" It was Sam's voice that stopped my forward motion. I blinked twice, turning to face her.

"To go and see Jack?" My statement came out as a question.

"No, you're going back to bed," Her voice was very controlling. She moved towards me and I tried to delay her.

"Sam," I started logically, "I got out of my bed, escaped my room, without anyone noticing and I am most of the way down the hall. Why should I stop now?"

"Because you'll _re_-injure yourself." She sounded like a mother.

"No, I will not. I am in a wheelchair, heading towards a level with _no_ stairs. What is the problem?" I _needed_ to go and see Jack, or I run the risk of forever being confined to base and Daniel discovering my secret.

"I'm going with you,"

_Shit._

-SGC-

When we arrived at the General's office, the door was closed and there were only two voices coming from within it. Sam knocked on the door, and it opened instantly to reveal Jack and Dr. Johns, who was holding a clipboard in his hands.

"Speak of the devil," Jack said from his seat.

"Jack, Doctor. Can I please have a moment of your time?" How had Daniel said it once? 'My goose is cooked.'

"Sure." Jack said, waving us in. "We just were coming to speak to you."

"Sam, do you mind if I have a private word?" I asked her politely. She went to leave, but Jack stopped her with a shake of his head.

"She can stay,"

_Great,_ "I assume you know then?" I asked, "Or has the doctor not got to the good part?"

"Oh I know," Jack replied, watching me with an almost evil look.

"Know what?" Sam asked. The doctor began to say something but I cut him off.

"I am pregnant."

**Author's Note 2:**I actually took the time to translate them (the writing from this episode), it was – actual words are hard to deciph so thisll work. I don't know if the SGC actually has stairs, but it does now.

Pixie:__ she didn't let me talk at all. It was always, shut up I'm writing. Go away, be quiet. I don't like it when she gets controlling. That's why I bought the whip, it makes her behaviour.

Me: Sweetie, you know I can delete whatever you write, right?

*pixie pulls out whip*

Me: I'm just gonna go write some more.

Pixie: Good girl. *pats head then leaves*

Me: you know one day I am going to take that whip and shove it—

Pixie: I can hear you


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review. Particular spoiler for _Covenant_.

"_Know what?" Sam asked. _

"_I am pregnant."_

— Tamar —

"What?" Sam roared.

"I am sorry, I had intended to inform you all very soon." There was now a silence in the room. Sam had a bewildered look on her face, the doctor was trying not to make eye contact with anyone and Jack was still watching me.

"I did not intend to deceive you. I again apologize."

"Who's the father?" Jack asked. I sighed.

"I believe you know…"

"Say his name." Jack demanded, anger was dripping from him.

"Daniel," I whispered, but they all heard me.

"When?" Sam asked, her curiosity burning.

"The day we had our basketball game." I tried to stick to short answers.

"Tell us everything," Jack demanded, and so I did. _So much for short._

I told them about our past relationship, though the abridged version which I had told Sam and Daniel. I told them of our fight, my realisation, and my reasons for keeping it to myself. They sat in silence for the entire time.

"Please, you have to understand. I am no different than before, I can still help you defeat Anubis. I kept it from you because I was scared of your reaction, I do not want to _not_ be a part of SG-1. I descended for one purpose, to keep the people of this _galaxy_ safe. I never wanted to become pregnant." The words kept tumbling out of my lips, though I was unaware of them doing so.

"Just stop talking for a second," Jack murmured.

The doctor was leaning heavily against the display cabinet, he was silent. Sam was less bewildered than before, but a new feeling was bubbling inside her. Jack spoke before I could glean his reaction.

"I wanna ground you. I don't want you goin' through the 'gate. But knowin' what I do of you, you wouldn't put a child at risk, by going through the 'gate. From what Carter has told me 'gate travel isn't always safe, but as the people who built 'em you'd know better."

"They were originally built for people who could not travel as far a distance on ships. You know the old, the very young and pregnant women. Of course they were also good for transporting heavy cargo long distances in only a few seconds. Any 'side effects' that you have noted, are not actually side effects, I believe most of them are to do with stress."

"So you're telling me that you could go through the 'gate with no risk to your child?" Of course this would come up, it was one of the only issues that I could really see hindering my travel. The other being my hiding the fact I was pregnant.

"I am, though it is alright if you do not believe me. If I were you, I would not."

"Does Daniel know?" Sam's question was not what I had expected.

"I- no he does not and I would prefer it to remain that way." Shame washed through me as Sam raised her eyebrows at me.

They all pondered for a moment. Jack finally said.

"Could you give us a minute, Tamar?"

I nodded and wheeled out of the room. I was in the briefing room alone, and the guard was raised so I could see the 'gate. We had called them 'Astria Porta', these humans knew so little about them but were able to learn very quickly. I could hear them talking, not wanting to hear it I moved over to the window and stared out of it.

I thought about the emotion I had felt from Sam, just moments ago. I knew of jealously, but I had never felt it in the time I had been here. It was harsh, unfriendly. There was a mix of envy in her feelings as well. The conversation she had had with Jack.

_All these years I've concentrated on work, I just assumed one day I'd… have a life… what about kids?... Do I take maternity leave and then come back? Do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet?_

The words manifested in my head. She does not even know if she can have children. And here I am, pregnant after only being here less than a month. She must hate me, I am everything she wants to have. I am with the man I care about most and I have a child on the way.

I hope she can forgive me, or at least see it from my point of view.

"Tamar?" Jack's voice caught me out. I turned to look at him, my eyes full of hope but not naive enough to think this would go my way. "We've reached a decision."

I came back into his office. Sam was almost smiling, the doctor still looked vacant. He was extremely tired, _God, I just want to go home. I really don't care anymore._ He was thinking, I looked. _Comdo,_ the language flowing out of my mind easily.

"You can stay on SG-1. Everyone here, and even the president, agrees that you are too important to sideline. We all know that you're probably our greatest asset in this war and we can't risk losing you because of this. We have also agreed that it is best that your pregnancy remains a secret. You may tell anyone you see fit, we will keep this too ourselves. If you get exposed, we will try and cover it up. But don't get exposed."

I think this is the longest speech I have ever heard from Jack. The meaning of what he said hit me, I get to stay on SG-1.

-SGC-

I was lying on my own bed when the knock came at my door.

"Come in," I called out to them. Sam's blonde head swung through the open door, I was thankful it was her and not Daniel again. He had already checked on me twice and I had only been in the room for an hour.

"Tamar?" her voice was so very cautious.

"Sam?" I felt like laughing, I do not know why but I was in a very good mood.

"How you feeling?"

"Better. And I am glad you are not Daniel. He has come twice already." A laugh was spilling from my lips.

"Do you feel like talking?" She did not look happy, her eyes were almost red from crying.

"Sure. Tell me what happened," No matter what I was feeling, I wanted to be her friend.

"I said yes to Pete."

"That is good, I am sure you will be happy with him."

She gave me a look, one that said who are you trying to kid?

"I heard you," I admitted, "the other day. You were talking to Jack about whether or not you should say yes." Her eyes widened, "I did not say anything because I felt very rude."

She stared at me, looking directly into my eyes. I knew I could not hold hers, not only was guilt from that situation affecting me but so was the pregnancy issue.

"What attracts you to Daniel?" She asked, the question was very 'left field'? I think that was how someone described it to me.

"I do not know, it is everything I guess. He makes me smile, he listens to me. He cares, not just about the big things but the little things to. I think you said it, 'he is... brilliant. One of the most caring, passionate...he is the type of person who would give his own life for someone he does not even know. If he has one fault, it was that he wanted to save people so badly, he wanted to help people so much, that it tore him apart when he couldn't make a difference.'"

She stared at me, her eyes widening to in a comical way.

"Well, something along those lines..."

"Yeah..." the nod of her head was slow.

"Can I ask what attracts you to Pete?"

"I-I uh, I..." She could not really meet my eyes now. A smile crept on my lips.

"What about Jack?" Shock, the emotion seemed to be unable to leave her today.

"Tamar, I can't talk about that." She scorned me.

"Why not?" I knew the question was naïve but I did not understand why we could not.

"Because he is my commanding officer." _That is a good reason?_ The mostly human part of me asked.

"Sam, what originally made you look at him in that way?"

"It was the time we were stuck on the South Pole. I had to splint his leg because he broke it, and he told of how he had been in a similar situation. I asked him what got him through it and he replied Sara, who was his wife at the time. He kept me sane while we were there, made sure I didn't do anything stupid too."

I could not help but study her for a moment. She had great respect for Jack, as a leader and someone to look up to.

"Alright. Sam, I have to ask. Are you angry that I am pregnant?" My curiosity outweighed my concern for her at that moment.

"No, Tamar. I couldn't be angry with you about that." Her answer was quick, but not too quickly to make me think she was lying.

"Are you sure? I would not blame you," I would not, if anything I felt she had every right to.

"I might be jealous that you going to have a child, but I can't be angry with you about it. It's not like you planned it or anything." Truth shone through her words.

"I should have known though. I have been seeing things like this for a while," I replied quietly, studying her.

"What do you mean?"

"I am not sure, but I think it is like when Jonas Quinn gained the ability to see the future. It is all based on decisions but I have been seeing me with a child." _And dead, but we will keep quiet about that one._

"Oh. That's … I—" she stuttered. Guilt shot through me, she had come to talk to me about her problem, not mine.

"I do not know how to deal with it either. We were supposed to be talking about you." I blinked, I had changed the topic stupidly. Now I wanted to deal with her problem.

"I know, I'm not sure what to do about Pete. I do love him but…" she tried to find the right words.

"You just cannot see yourself with him in 10 years?" I supplied, I knew I could see myself with Daniel in that time.

"Yeah, that's it."

"I am not sure what you should do. From what I have seen, Jack does not wish to engage in a romantic relationship with you at this time. But your feelings for him are confusing you about your feelings for Pete. As I said, I am unsure as to what you should do. I wish I could be more help,"

"No, thank you. You have laid it all out for me, no one else is really brave enough to." A sweet smile crept on to her face.

"I am glad to have helped." A similar smile working its way on to my face.

"Just a question, why do you talk so formally?" A bit random, but she was one of the few people to have ever brought it up.

"I always have, I understand the modern shortening of words and your modern sayings. I will start to talk less formally, if you like?" I offered, it should not take much, probably like using a new language.

"I think you should."

"Okeyly-dokeyly." A cheeky smile crept on to my face and she laughed at me. I joined, knowing I had been silly just to amuse her.

"I think Daniel cares about you, a lot." She said after our laughter had died down.

"I know."

"Why do you want to hide it from him then?" She was staring right into my eyes again.

"Sam, you know what's going to happen to me when I fight Anubis." I did not want to talk about it but she was being persistent.

"You're pregnant and you're just going to let yourself?"

"No! I'm going to fight for my survival. But in half my dreams I die, I have accepted the possibility that it will happen. If I do, the child will have to be saved but it will survive and so will everyone else." The words were more forceful than I had intended.

"So you know that you're not going to fail?" Her question was mocking but came out more childlike.

"There is a chance I will fail, but before I came it was an even higher chance that you'd fail. And even now, the chance that we fail is going down." I wanted to be honest with her.

"Thank you for this," Her mind must jump around a lot, she changes subjects easier than I do.

"What?"

"Everything. I willing to bet no one has thanked you for doing this," She was trying to tell me that she respected me.

"It doesn't matter. No one asked you to risk your life, and you get hardly any thanks. Why am I different?"

-SGC-

I was watching the TV in Daniel's office when Sam came in. I had come in after training with Teal'c, and wanting to take out my annoyance that he could still beat me, Daniel had been the perfect target. But when I walked in the TV was already on, Daniel's attention divided between two things.

"Hey, what's going on?" Her question was loud.

"Shh," Daniel and I said at the same time. The program was featuring a man who was saying something about how the deaths of 2000 men and women were not the correct facts. I had an idea he was talking about when Anubis attacked earth.

"_I don't know how many governments around the world are in on this, but I do know we are being lied to and the truth is being covered up."_

"Uh-oh," Sam said to Daniel. Knowing what I do I think that was a fair assessment.

"_Ladies and gentleman, there is life beyond our world. There are aliens out there, and they have technology far beyond ours, and they have been intervening in our existence for quite some time._"

We all shot each other a look.

"_I have proof._" This image proclaimed, "_And I am giving the governments of all the nations that are aware of this, 24 hours to reveal the truth, or I am going to do it for them. Thank you._" He said then disappeared off the screen.

"Well, there you go." Daniel said defeatedly.

-SGC-

I know the others were having a meeting about the Colson issue. But I had agreed to cover another girl's shift in the infirmary, so I was unable to go. Actually, I didn't hear anything about it because I was too busy. Daniel compared me to a chook running round with its head chopped off. I wasn't entirely sure what he meant, but I stuck my tongue out at him and kept doing my jobs.

It surprised me when Daniel told me, we were in his office drinking coffee in one of my breaks, that Colson had revealed an Asgard to the world. They were having a meeting in a few minutes about the situation. I immediately invited myself to it and called the infirmary telling them that I was unavailable to work.

I walked into the briefing room behind Daniel, and took the seat opposite him.

"Well, Sam was right. There's something different about Colson's Asgard. Seems that a Colson bio-tech research company was given a copy of Asgard DNA for sequencing." Daniel passed the file to Jack, who flicked through it. _Why didn't I have a file? _Not that I needed silly humans to tell me about the Asgard.

"We were trying to help with their cloning problem." Sam contributed. So the DNA degeneration had caught up with them?

"Colson grew a clone?" Jack asked, surprised.

"They weren't told it was alien DNA, it was meant to be a blind study but they obviously took their research further than the contract specified." Daniel answered. So humans now had that ability, a scary prospect. If this generation followed that path, none would be able to Ascend.

"Asgard DNA is programmed to grow a clone to maturity in three months, they're essentially an empty shell until an existing consciousness is transferred." Sam informed us.

"It did not speak because it is not capable." Teal'c chimed in. Well, that makes sense.

"Exactly. They probably spent what little time with it how to walk." Sam agreed.

"Well… the Pentagon has lost all patience." Jack sighed. How would this government deal with it?

"What are they going to do?" I asked, curiosity burning.

"They want us to put a stop to it." Jack answered. Everyone at the table's eyes widened.

"How?" Sam queried not really sure if she wanted to know. I didn't either.

"We're calling in a marker." Jack said smartly, he then checked his watch awkwardly. "Yep, calling in a marker." There was a flash of someone beaming.

"Greetings." The Asgard who was now in front of us said. It was short and looked like the images I had seen of 'aliens'.

"You're an Asgard?" I asked. I had not seen one for 10,000 years and they looked very different the last time I saw them. I stood up and watched it curiously.

"Yes. And who are you?" It replied, its full attention on me. I curiously stared at it. It had no gender, an obvious sign that they were no longer able to do any other cell division than mitosis.

"My name is Tamar." I stared at it, its eyes widened in response. It almost seemed to recognise my name.

"Tamar? That is a strange name for a human of Earth."

"I'm not from Terre, but a planet in the Pegasus galaxy. You were not what I was expecting, the last time I saw an Asgard you were more like these people." I gestured at the humans at the table. It was true, in fact the only major differences I recall were the way skin and bone structure. Plus some physiological capabilities.

"The last time you saw an Asgard?" Daniel asked.

"It was over ten thousand years ago, Daniel. You seem to forget I am older than all of you." I replied, I dismissed him. I was sick of people treating me like a child.

"What are you?" The Asgard asked. One the physiological capabilities was being able to see through the membrane of skin, I was unsure if that had survived to this generation of clones.

"I am Alteras or Anqueetas as you probably knew us." I wanted this one to figure it out by itself.

"An Ancient?" Surprise was obvious even with its limited facially range.

"Yes, I descended to help the people of this plane. What is your name?"

"I am Thor." His name caught me off guard.

"You are not Thor, I remember him and he did not look like you."

"And you do not look like the Ancient Tamar of my memory." His answer almost sounded like a quip. I stared at him and then a smile broke across my face.

"It is good to see you, even if it isn't the _old_ you."

"Tamar, I expect better manners from someone _your_ age." I laughed at him and then pulled him into a hug.

"So I take you two know each other?" Jack asked, a mystified expression on his face. I nodded.

"I knew Thor when I was before I Ascended. He looked a bit different mind you." I was trying to clam my need to laugh.

"Well, that's all well and good. But we have to deal with Colson," Jack cut me off. They all turned back to the meeting. I sat next to Thor and whispered to him.

"We'll talk later, maybe on your ship?" I saw a slight inclination of his head.

**Author's Note (2): **This chapter is up because SALIGIA-the seven deadly sins requested more chapters . I just need a 'good chapter' every now and then


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 17**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review.

"_I am Thor."_

…

"_We'll talk later, maybe on your ship?" I saw a slight inclination of his head._

— Tamar —

The inside of the ship was not what I had been expecting. Everything was more like my people's old technology than I had thought it would be.

"Thor, my friend?" I called out, searching for him.

I felt myself beamed from one place to another. I was now in front of a control panel, an Asgard was viewing me over it.

"You're not Thor," I said to it. I grazed its mind but found that I could not understand what it was saying. Strange, I used to be able to speak their language.

"I am Heimdall. Thor asked me to greet you and inform you he would be along shortly."

"Heimdall, you are a scientist, yes?"

"I am,"

"I know my DNA may be of interest to you and your people. I wish to inform that I give you permission to take whatever samples you please. Also of note, I am pregnant, if you wish you can take samples of her DNA as well." I spoke quickly, knowing it would understand and do what I asked instantly.

"Thank you." Heimdall said, "I was intending to ask." I stood silently for a minute but I began to be bored with the surroundings.

I tried a technique Teal'c told me about, it was a kind of meditation. Kelno'reem I believe he called it. He originally used it to allow his symbiote to heal him. I closed my eyes and let everything stressing my body flow out.

"Do you mind if I sit down?" I asked the Asgard, he shook his head. When I was sitting cross legged with my hands facing upwards on my knees, I began to breathe deeply.

_Feel everything flow out of you._ An old, quiet voice said to me. _Feel all your hardships slid off your shoulders. Allow your mind to become open to the world around you. Accept the noises. Feel the barrier between them and you fall down._

_Tamar?_ It was Orlin's voice which spoke.

_Orlin,_ was my reply. I could no longer quite feel my physical body.

_What are you doing?_ His voice was somewhat scratchy on my mind.

_Meditating, why?_

_Are you able to talk?_

_Why talk? Just do your thing on me._

_My thing?_ His voice was now grating. _Your time among the humans has changed your language._

_As it changed yours,_ I replied. He knew of what I spoke. Before his time away he had been one of the more polite of our society and when he came back he was considered one of the foulest, based purely on the fact his language was no longer 'sophisticated'.

_True, I will… _I thought over him.

_I know what you are going to do so just do it. _I was impatient, I wanted him to also share with me, and the quickest way for us to exchange information was to do this… 'Mind meld' would be the most accurate term. He did begin, it was over in seconds.

"Tamar?" Someone spoke to me.

I opened my eyes and one the Asgard stood in front of me.

"Do you think my DNA will be able to assist you?" I asked, hoping it was Heimdall.

"You gave Heimdall your DNA?" Thor's voice asked. I laughed, I guessed wrong.

"Yes and I am unsure if he used my child's DNA," I answered. Knowing I would need to inform him of my child. "And before you ask, I am pregnant."

"Pregnant? How long have you been descended?"

"I have been descended for about a month, maybe a little bit less. The pregnancy was a mistake." I said quickly. I felt shame because to him I must look promiscuous.

"I am not judging you. You have lived among the Ascended for ten thousand years. Who is the father?" Thor's question I had been expecting.

"Daniel Jackson."

"He is quite an example of humanity at its best. I have found him to be more accepting of new cultures than the others."

"I agree," I replied. "Now I believe we came to talk, so what do wish to know?" Thor was an old friend.

When my people had inhabited Lantea, the Asgard had been our friends. I was training to become a healer/philosopher when a call came out for people to go and train with our friends, the Asgard. I leaped at the opportunity, living among their society for a few years. In my time there, they began to experiment with clones. Thor had been one of the Asgard who had agreed to the testing. We had grown friends because of his need to come into the hospital there so often. After I returned to Lantea, I tried to keep my ties with him, but it was very difficult. When we returned to 'Earth', it was almost impossible to do so. But I had always remembered him.

"Everything you can tell me." He replied. I smiled brightly at him and did. I told him of my time as one of the Ascended, what happened when Daniel arrived. I did not hold anything back, which felt good. He listened the whole time, asking questions when he felt the need.

"And then you arrived," I summarised. "And let me tell you, you are not what I was expecting when he said Asgard. I remember you, from long ago."

"I know, we have changed much. Your appearance has changed as well."

"How?" I did not remember how I looked before. I have vague memories, now that I have had time to settle back into this life but the image is always a bit blurred.

"Before you had a slimmer build, your complexion and colouring was more Lantean."

"Lantean?" I smirked.

"Fairer," He answered.

I then convinced him to tell me of what had happened to him and to the Asgard people. When he did so, I was somewhat shocked and awed by the events he explained to me. When he told me about the replicators, I explained how Daniel and I shared all information when we were Ascended. We discussed what we both knew of them, their strengths and weaknesses. I informed him of the place I knew that could help me wipe all Replicators out of existence. He was fascinated by this news and I was glad that I could be of help to them as well as the humans.

After what must have been a while I began to have trouble keeping my eyes open.

"You must be tired," Thor said.

"Must be," I replied, stifling a yawn.

"I will transport you down to Earth."

"Thank you," I whispered. I felt myself transported. I stripped out of my pants, shoes and socks and took off the jacket. Believing it to be my own bed, I curled up in it. Ignoring the other occupant in it.

— Daniel —

I was surprised to find Tamar in my arms when I woke up. The last time this had happened we had just made love. _Oh God, did we…?_

No, I was fully dressed… well as dressed as I normally was when I went to bed. In a t-shirt and track suit pants. She was in her t-shirt and underwear.

It was nice to be able to watch her sleep. So peaceful, so beautiful. I pushed the stray curl that was in her eyes back into the mass. She did so little with her hair, most of the time it was back in a braid, sometimes a ponytail. I knew she did not like having it in her face, whenever a piece got loose, she would curse it. Right now, her ponytail was loose, the curls struggled to break free.

I enjoyed having her draped over me, a leg intertwining with mine, her arms wrapped around my waist, her head on my chest. It was like a dream, a very good one. One where she hadn't reacted badly because we slept together.

One in which we had a future together. Endless day with each other, just talking. One where we lived in a big house and had 5 children. Each of them perfect, as perfect and willing to help as her.

I loved the idea of being together in ten or twenty years, sleeping exactly like this and thinking life couldn't be anymore perfect.

Why was she here? The question swirled around my mind. The last thing I remember was her saying she was going to beam up with Thor to 'talk'. It seemed like they were good friends and I was jealous of him. Imagine that, me being jealous of a little Asgard. But I was envious of the fact he got a hug and I didn't, not anymore.

I didn't want to move, right now I was in bliss. Complete and utter bliss. The woman I loved was in my arms and it was where she belonged. I felt myself fall back to sleep.

-SGC-

"What the hell?" Was the screech that awoke me that morning.

"Tamar?" I asked curiously. Tamar had leapt out of the bed and was pacing up and down my room. I sat up and watched her progress. She had pulled on her pants but everything else looked thoroughly messy.

"Why the hell are you in my room? Better yet, my bed?" She was almost yelling.

"Tamar, this is my room and my bed." I replied, I could feel a smirk at my lips.

"Shit. How the hell did I get here? Thor was meant to transport me to my … that cheeky bugger. That cheeky, cheeky bugger." Her pacing speed increased as she talked, almost to herself.

"Why would he transport you here?" I asked, I couldn't think of a reason why. She stopped mid stride and turned to me

"Because…" she started, staring at me, eyes widening. She was growing annoyed, but because I was not the cause of it, it was funny to me. I struggled not to laugh at her, "Because… Thor is trying…"

"Trying to what, Tamar?" I wanted to push her, it was strange to see her lose control of her emotions.

"Don't you start. I'm tired and want to sleep. Why is everyone being mean to me?" She was tired, her child's tone made that obvious.

"Hey, come here." I opened my arms and she came into them. Her arms found their way around my waist again. She pressed her head into my chest and I knotted hand into her hair. Pulling her close.

I heard her sigh and relax into me. It was nice to give her comfort. She'd been run off her feet lately, a nurse was very sick and she had to work double shifts. Not that she claimed they were shifts, she was exhausted though, between the infirmary, training with Teal'c and Sam and helping me out, she never had any time anymore. I don't think anybody quite realised that we were running her down, she never complained about it to anyone but me. And even then, her words were just 'Busy day today,' or 'I need some sleep,'. She was the thing that got me up most mornings, her determination gave me determination. She also sought the best in all of us, no matter who it was there was a smile for them and a 'how are you today?', which in turn made everyone else be kind to one another. I loved that about her, she always strove to brighten someone else's day.

I placed a kiss on top of her head and she stiffened in my arms.

"You need to take a day off," I whispered to her.

"Hmmm?" She questioned.

"You need to take a day off, no one will grudge you _a_ day." This time louder.

"Maybe," I heard her say softly.

"Tamar, you're exhausted. You can't help, if you faint,"

"Watch me," Still trying to work, even though she is going to hurt herself. I don't know if I should be congratulating her or scorning her. She pulled away from me but I kept her close, within touching distance.

"I have to go. I'm sorry for sleeping in your bed, on you and then waking you up." She moved to the other side of the room, where a pair of shoes, socks and a jacket were carelessly tossed.

"You slept on me?" I asked incredulously. Her eyes widened and a blush spread across her face. I knew that shouldn't but it was fun to tease.

"I'll come and find you later. Maybe we can train?" She was really pushing my skills in this department. She was convinced that I would be able to have the same skill set that she did, but at the moment my progress was slow. I was having trouble controlling my telepathic abilities. I saw her mask come up, her wall against the pain of the world and against the tiredness.

"Sure, then you can have a nap."

"No, I've got a training session with Teal'c… something about fighting with staffs." She gave me a doubtful look as she stood up.

"Tamar, you need to rest." She shrugged.

"Bye, Daniel." Was her response, she opened the door and started to walk down the hall.

"Hey, don't make me force you to sleep." I called after her.

"I'd like to see you try," she laughed, and it floated back to me. I sighed, leaning heavily against the door frame. _Oh I will._

-SGC-

I was studying an artifact from, oh one planet or other, P3X something. It had inscriptions on it, but they didn't look like anything I'd ever seen. I was in a situation like the one with the Ancient's language before Jack downloaded it into his head. It was completely alien, I was wondering whether Teal'c or Tamar had ever seen anything like it. When the former came in, with what could be called a bored expression on his face but you never knew with Teal'c.

"Hey there Teal'c." I offered, barely glancing up.

"Hello Daniel Jackson."

"Have you ever seen anything like this?" Handing him the device.

"I have not, have you asked Tamar?" His response was what I was expecting. In early years his knowledge proved helpful to me, but I had exhausted all of that now.

"No, I was going to when she came round." I glanced at my watch to see what that would be, "Funny, she's not normally this late."

"You have not heard." Teal'c's face looked down fallen. "An off world activation occurred and an injured man came through. His wounds are too fatal to treat, but he is going to live for a little while, the doctor said there was nothing he could do. Tamar nominated herself to stay with him."

Shit. She was going to spend another who knows how long awake, caring for a dying man. When she was already emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.

"Really?" My annoyance seeped through the words. Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "She's exhausted, you can't tell me you haven't noticed."

"I did notice that she was less energetic in our training, but only mildly." Teal'c was pondering what I told him. _She did seem slightly lethargic, but I believed that to be related her recovery from her accident._ His voice was in my head. What had she said helped her block people out? A wall… or something similar.

"Daniel Jackson, are you feeling ill?" Teal'c cut through my concentration.

"I'm fine. I… I have a confession to make to you,"

"And what is that?" His head was cocked to the side.

"When I descended, Tamar enhanced my body so it was like hers. She made it so I would have the abilities of the Ancients. But it didn't work, until we … touched and I tried to see if she was listening and she replied 'yes'. But she didn't say it loud. Ever since then, she has been training me to use these abilities."

Teal'c had only raised his eyebrow in response.

"This does not surprise me." He finally replied. "When you first came back, you did seem different from when you left. But you soon returned to normal and I did not think to mention it."

"It's not just that Teal'c. When I am around her, my abilities activate, they're stronger. And so is everything else. I forgot what it felt like to be so affected by someones presence."

"You care for her strongly." His stoic voice replied.

"Yes, probably too much." It was nice to talk to someone without having to hide what I was thinking.

"You love her,"

"I do…" I looked up at him, surprised the words had come out of my mouth. "Teal'c…"

"I will endeavour to not inform Tamar of your feelings for her."

"Thank you," it came out as a squeak. I was normally better at filtering what came out of my mouth, but today things had been exiting on their own accord. Like when I was teasing Tamar earlier.

"Do you wish it to be obvious to her?" His next words weren't what I was expecting.

"I'm not sure. I think she does know already, but I can't push her into feelings that she doesn't want."

His silence prompted me to keep talking. "I love everything about her, the way she is willing to brighten someones day, she smiles. I had a lot of trouble when she wouldn't acknowledge with me, it was like my heart was broken. I enjoyed our time before we had our fight, it was nice to have someone with a greater understanding of the Ancient language. But it wasn't only that, she feels like an intellectual equal, I could challenge her on different fronts and she would challenge me right back. Every time I'm around her, I feel brighter. Like I'm in her light." Teal'c was watching me curiously. I wanted to quote a song to him, I can't remember where I had heard it or the singer. But those lyrics just came to mind.

_She's kinda perfect, kinda everything I'm not. She's an angel. It's amazing how she's patient, even more at times I'm not. She's my conscious._

"Do you intend to court her?"

"Court her? I would- I would like to see her in an intimate way. I can see a future with her, Teal'c." I could, I saw us living in a big house with three or four kids and a dog. I saw us getting married, in the hospital when she gives birth. Everything. I wanted all of it, with her.

"I felt the same way about Drey'auc, I thought I would be able to have a long lasting relationship with her." He had a 'Teal'c' smile on his face.

There was a comfortable silence, both of us imagining what our life would be like if we had the 'girl'. I finally started to try and do some other work, things that didn't involve the annoying object.

I heard Teal'c leave before I settled into work. I was then surprised when someone came into my office. I looked up startled.

There, in tears, was Tamar. I couldn't help but stare at her for a second. Her clothes looked rumpled, her hair was messy and if she wore makeup it likely would have been smudged. Her cheeks and around her eyes were a pale red, but the rest of skin had gone to deathly white. Her eyes had seemed to go a kind of sea blue, constantly changing.

I stood up and opened my arms and she came straight into them.

She sobbed against me for what felt like ages, all I could do was rub her back because her head was buried deep in my chest. It disheartened me that the only comfort I could give her was this, but a sick part of me was happy that she came to me to seek it.

I heard her mumble something, but not completely making it out, I pulled away from her. But only the tiniest of amounts.

"He's dead,"

_Crap. The guy Teal'c told me about must have…_

**Author's Note 2:** The lyrics are from _Like Only a Woman Can, _by Brain McFadden. It was just playing when I was writing that bit.

Pixie: She likes to listen to soppy love songs when she writes. I want to beat the habit out of her but she says that she'll destroy the computer if I ever try it. Stupid human

Me: I read every word you write. Why are you being mean?

Pixie: I'm bored

Me: You're bored? Oh poor baby. Go have a cry while I do the next chapter


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review.

"_He's dead,"_

Crap.

— Tamar —

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I didn't even want to breathe.

I thought back over my day. I had woken up in Daniel's arms and felt all too comfortable. I didn't want to move, but I had because I still hadn't the courage to tell him, or at least admit to him that I would die in the coming mission. The dream I had had before waking had been a good one, I had survived and Daniel and I were getting married. It had surprised when I had woken up because it still felt like part of the dream.

I had pushed myself away from him. Discovering I was in his room was as he would describe as a hit below the belt. I didn't mean to let him hug me, or go to him but there was comfort that was without bounds in his arms. I felt at home with him, a feeling foreign to me. The playful banter afterwards, was almost his way of telling me that he loved me. He didn't care what happened, he just loved me.

I could not help by teasing him right back, and had almost surprised myself by wanting to kiss him before I left.

My time in the infirmary was long, there hadn't been any need for deep healing, so I had assisted with one of Siler's many injuries. But because I had seeing Daniel to look forward to, it seemed to take forever. I felt the memory of this afternoon take over.

-SGC-

"Tamar, go help with the off world activation. They might need you to do some healing." Doctor Johns had called out, he was in his office, studying a report.

I had hurried to the 'gate room, inside there was devastation. People were rushing about, a baby was crying loudly. There was a man on a gurney, having trouble breathing.

"Be quiet," I heard Jack's voice yell out. "Sergeant, shut down the 'gate," It was quiet for a second before the baby started to wail again.

"No," One of the men said. He was the one having trouble breathing.

"Why the hell not?" Jack demanded, stalking over to the man.

"Nichols hasn't come through, sir… Nor has Francome. They shouldn't take long, sir." His wheezing was more obvious now, Jack took a step back. _We don't leave a man behind._ He thought.

_Damn, need to get the walls up._ I thought, creating my usual barrier.

"Then clear the 'gate room. Go on out!" He started herding people out of the room.

"Can someone shut that baby up?" A voice whispered. I spotted it, in the hands of one of the men who had come through the 'gate. He did not know how to hold, or comfort it. I held my hands out for it and he passed it over.

"Shhh," I whispered to it. Slowly rocking it, cooing to it. I knew I needed to help the man who couldn't breathe, but this child was not going to be quiet. I did a trick I learnt off Moros, by stopping the child vocal cords from working. It was temporary, but effective for keeping the child quiet.

I rushed over to the man who was having trouble breathing, pushing Jack out of the way.

"Tamar," he growled.

"I'm trying to concentrate," I shot back. I placed my hands in the position and began healing. It was completely natural to me now, so barely any thinking was involved. I finished and gave a nod to the people who carried the gurney. They rushed out and I watched them leave.

I heard someone come through the 'gate. "Shut it down," Jack called.

I turned to see two men, one was quite large with dark colouring and the other had light colouring and was leaning heavily on the dark one.

I didn't even think before I was over with them. The dark one, Francome, was not injured badly but the light one, Nichols, was. I could not think of where to start. He had three staff blast wounds about him, two on his back and one on his front.

"Get him to the infirmary!" I yelled. No one questioned my orders. A few of the men, rushed to help carry 'Nichols'.

Before I knew it, we were there and Doctor Johns was checking him out. He shot me a look, one that said, _he's gone_. I have not 'lost' a patient while I have been descended, something I take great pride in.

I got pushed to the back of the room as the nurses and doctors did their best to save his life, but it was obvious that there was little they could do for him. A young nurse, who I didn't recognise stopped me from being involved by saying that I looked pale.

She forced me to leave the room, I was made to lie down in one of the beds. And by my calculations I feel asleep for half an hour. Which was obviously long enough for them to mess up the man's life, I woke up to discover that he would die from his injuries.

I could hear them talking in Doctor Johns office, I squeezed through the door into the packed room.

"He's as good as dead," one of the nurses said harshly. I had not really worked with her, but when I had, she had always given up easily.

"There's nothing we can do, not even the miracle worker," gesturing outside. I think this nurse was referring to me.

"I don't think she could, but you never know. Did you see her injuries when she fell down the stairs?" This was my friend, Janine. She was, in her way, defending me. I couldn't help but smile at her. Some of the nurses nodded in response, others just looked confused

"Never mind that. Now, what can we do?" This was the head nurse, Monica. She had intelligent brown eyes and wispy build, she was also very kind and giving.

"All he can do is wait it out. We need someone to monitor his situation constantly, making sure he isn't in pain." The voice of reason came from the old nurse, Madison. They all refused to make eye contact with each other after that.

"I'll do it," I said. It was so quiet but they had no trouble hearing me.

-SGC-

He was in the same isolation room that I was in when I had fallen down the stairs. I took the opportunity to study his appearance.

He wasn't very tall but still taller than me. When he had stood next to Francome, he had looked small. But now I could see that he was indeed quite built up and well defined as well. I am sure he would have had many women swooning over him if he wore the right clothing. He had a classic fighter build, broad shoulders and thick waist. I moved my gaze to his face, a strong jaw covered in stubble followed by thin lips and a broad nose. I skipped his eyes and went to his prominent forehead and short blonde hair. I finally brought myself to look at his eyes, a pale blue looked out at me, peering straight at me.

His eyes crinkled into a smile and his whole face lit up.

"Hi there," I murmured softly to him, "my name's Tamar. What's yours?" I already knew it but it was nice to hear him say it.

"Glenn Nichols, sergeant United States Air Force, ma'am." I smiled at him sweetly. He had an accent, it changed his speech slightly.

"Do you mind if I sit with you, Glenn?" He shook his head ever so slightly.

In a flash, I was next to him, holding his hand in my own.

"Can you tell me about how you got here?" I wanted him to talk to me, to let him know that I was still there and that I cared. It was then I noticed his hand felt cold in mine. "Was it a girl?"

"She was pretty, you know real pretty. The kind who shouldn't look at a guy like me. Her eyes were the deepest brown. I think that's what drew me to her, those eyes were so big and sad. I wanted to make all the sadness go away. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I fell in love with her the minute she said hello to me. We were only on the planet for a few days, but I volunteered to stay with the locals and learn about them. Most of the time I was with her, she told me about their hateful gods, their culture. I think she felt the same way about me, but I'll never know." His voice was smooth, his accent was soft right now, but he had one. I would enjoy listening to his voice.

"It was our last day so we had to walk to the 'gate and say goodbye. She had her baby with her that day, real cute too it was. Anyway, we were just about to dial out and it activates. Out come all these Jaffa, weapons at the ready kind. Well, the major and captain are like just cooperate with 'em. We got locked in a cell for a couple of days and the girl finally came."

"She got us out and past the guards, I tried to convince the major to let her return with us. Major said yes, but she of course had to go get her baby. I went with her, when we got there nobody was in sight. It was like the village was deserted or something. Shoulda taken that as a hint. Anyway she grabbed the kid and we made a run for the gate. Halfway there, she hurts her ankle, so I take the baby and run. I can see the major dialling up, so I push us both for the last couple of meters. She stops, saying she can't run no more. I leave her for a second and the next time I turn round, she is dead on the ground. Jaffa staff wound in her back, I run with the baby to the 'gate. Pass it to the major just before he goes through. I try to go back for her and get shot myself for my troubles, I think the captain dragged me back to the 'gate."

"It's my fault that baby is never going to see its mum again. I cost a woman her life 'cause I'm selfish. She coulda stayed in the village, lived a good life. But I convinced her to come with us."

I listened carefully, not commenting. Saving my judgements for later and just providing the comfort he needed. "It's not your fault, she knew the risks. I think she would be glad to know her baby is going to be raised in such a nice place. I will see to it personally that the child goes to a good family, and if one can't be found I will take it in myself. I promise."

"I just wish I coulda saved her, she was so nice. Kind, sweet woman, the one you bring home to your mama." A smile crept onto my face. He was beginning to have trouble speaking, though it barely hindered his progress.

"Someone like me?" I asked cheekily. He managed a weak smile in return.

"I'd never have a chance with someone like you. You too good for me, plus you got Dr Jackson."

"I got Dr Jackson? What do you mean by that?" I was playfully glaring at him, but I did want to know the answer.

"Everyone knows you too are sweet on each other. You spends lot of time together, you smile when you're with him, the kind that lights up a room." He had a wistful look on his face.

"I do not. And going back to me being too good for you, whatever makes you think that?"

"I ain't stupid, you willingly come and work in the infirmary. You always smile at everyone, askin' how they are and about their day. You spend your free time working with both Colonel Carter and Doctor Jackson, so you some kind of genius. You didn't even know my name until a little while ago, but you were willing to spend your time with me as I died. You trying to tell me you ain't good?"

"I'm not," my voice was barely the sound of a whisper. "I have watched for countless centuries as your people fought and died with one another, I watched your entire existence be threatened and did nothing. I'm not good, someone taught me a few years ago, that caring should be normal and we need to stand up for what we believe in. Sometimes, I don't think I deserved to Ascend."

"I think just by thinking that, you deserve it. You have to keep pushin' yourself to achieve what you want. If you thought you was good enough, then you'd have nothing to prove by doin' better." Though his words were spoken through his muddled, heavy accented voice, their meaning was clear.

"You know, I think you should get a job cheering people up. You certainly have with me."

"You ain't too bad yourself." His voice was becoming harder to understand.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, his hand was clammy in my own. His skin had changed from the creamy colour to the alabaster white. Even his eyes had dulled.

"I been better, getting a bit cold." Cold? A human had described to me that coldness generally meant death.

"Oh? You want me to turn the heating up?" I asked, avoiding the fact that his death was approaching.

"No, I want you to promise me 'gain that you look after the baby." I could feel the tears prickle in my eyes.

"I don't want to. I want you to do that, I want you to…" he gave me the look, _quit lying to yourself_. "I promise," I could hear the tears in my voice, feel them about to spill over. "I promise to take care of the baby, no matter what happens to me."

His eyes closed, and something about him changed. The monitors beeped, a long continuous sound. His chest didn't rise and fall anymore.

"I wish you could look after her." I said to him, as I pulled my hand out of his gently. I placed a soft kiss on his forehead and walked out of the room.

-SGC-

The memory faded and I was left still in Daniel's arms. Crying. In the small time that I had known Glenn, he had managed to touch my heart.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispered into my ear. I shook my head against his chest, he was so warm compared to Glenn. So soft, so alive.

I needed to feel alive, to know that this was all real. I could only think of one way to do that.

"Come with me," I said pulling away from him. I grabbed his hand, not letting go.

My emotional response was overwhelming, I needed the human contact to keep me grounded, to keep me stable. I feared that if I didn't have it I would fall off an edge and lose myself to oblivion.

Before I knew it we were at his quarters, I dragged him inside.

"Tamar…" his voice was confused, he clearly couldn't see what I wanted… needed. So I gave him a hint by pulling at the shirt that tucked into his pants.

"What the hell?" His voice was much too high to be normal. He tried to push me away but in a way he wanted this. I could see the voices of reason arguing in his mind, one begging him to allow this to happen, the other failing to persuade him not to do so.

"Please Daniel," His walls were almost down. If I pushed him now, he might agree.

"No," he made his resolve. I always knew him to be too much of a gentlemen to 'take advantage' of me.

He took me in his arms, immobilising me. I felt the tears push to the surface again.

"I… I couldn't…" I stuttered.

"I know," he whispered. I don't know what it was but I felt myself become tired in his arms.

"I didn't save him,"

"I know," he moved us to the bed. I felt my jacket being pushed off my shoulders. I stepped away from him. With no thought, I removed my pants, holding Daniel's gaze. He pulled back the covers and I slipped into them. I watched him as he prepared for bed, a childlike wonder spreading through me.

I stared as he took off his jacket, showing me the rippling muscles in his upper arms and shoulders. He pulled on some pants that lay on a chair at the desk. He too slipped into the bed and drew me close to him.

After what seemed like forever, my dreams took hold. And the same thing that had plagued my thoughts plagued them too. Glenn, everything about his story, the guilt I felt knowing that things like this had happened many times and I had done nothing about it then. Even now when I could, I was as helpless as before.

— Daniel —

I walked into the infirmary, the place where I thought she would hate to be but the place she needed to go most. It hurt to see her so affected by this. She was standing next to a crib, a child in her arms.

It was smiling happily at her and she in turn had lighten up with joy. The child's white blonde hair was in contrast to Tamar's dark brown, in fact everything about them was in contrast. Ranging from their skin, hair, eyes and even facial features. Yet nothing could look more natural, more genuine than the obvious affection between the two and the confidence with which Tamar held the child.

"Fron," she whispered to the child as she touched their foreheads together.

She looked away for a moment and saw me. Her eyes widened, her grip tightened on the child. She reminded me of a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Everything around us seemed to slow down as we studied one another's reactions, hers was shock at seeing me.

"Why are you teaching her Ancient?" I asked as I moved over to where she was standing. A sweet blush spread across her face, and she moved the attention demanding child on her hip.

"I thought it would be interesting to have a …" she stopped what she was saying, her eyes widening once more. "Have someone to talk to who doesn't have an accent."

"I have an accent?" I knew she was changing the topic but she had done well in distracting me.

"I don't know anyone who pronounces light like lu-mi, it's more of a 'may' sound." She replied her teasing smile spreading across her face. The child gurgled happily at her.

Her attention went back to the toddler. "He does have an accent, it's funny for me to hear him speak. He said to me once 'On na matta netario', except he pronounced matta like matte." She spoke to the child like one would speak to another adult.

"I need to go to work," my words made her turn to me. "Will you come see me later? We need to talk," I saw a nod of her head so I quickly left the room.

We did need to talk, about what happened last night. She could not expect that to just disappear.

— Tamar —

"Please, Jack. I just want to go to P9O 982, to practise my…" I searched for the right words, "fire abilities. I promise not to wonder off from any escort you insist I take. I just need to…" I couldn't think of the right words. To clear my head? Forget about my idiocy last night? Practise my ability?

"Tamar, you know why I don't want to send you," he glanced down at my stomach. I pressed my lips together in frustration and then sighed.

"Jack," trying to be as reasonable as possible. "If you don't let me go, I'm likely to either set something on fire here or just plain escape, dialling the gate with my mind and incapacitating the guards. Would you like option A,B or C?" My voice was filled with falseness.

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Option A… But you have to take SG-14 with you."

"Thank you," I thought his terms to be unreasonable but I couldn't complain or I risked not being able to go. I was probably exaggerating my powers to him.

-SGC-

The planet was more deserted than I remember it being. In my time as an Ascended being, I thought this land to be a good place to put people displaced from the stargate.

Two of the soldiers began to search the area near the stargate.

"Do not panic if you see any fires start. I am controlling them," I called to them as I walked into a sparse bit of forest.

The last thing I remember seeing was a Jaffa coming towards me with a 'zat' gun.

— Daniel —

I was the first to step out of the 'gate at P9O 982. Sam, Teal'c and SG-5 followed closely.

Two of our men were laying in close proximity to the 'gate. Another two had been moved within viewing range of it. Teal'c moved to the ground and checked for tracks.

"There were four Jaffa. They were searching the area, when they attacked SG-14 and Tamar. They left dragging someone else." Fear that had been slowly eating at my heart took control.

"Tamar!" I yelled. "Tamar, where are you?... Please Tamar."

**Author's Note (2) :** I have to admit that even as I read the last bit about Tamar promising, I was in tears. It might not have happened to you but if it did, it was just meant to be a chapter involving the image of my cousin and his bravery (no he isn't dead, I just see him once in a blue moon)

Pixie: *blows nose then comes into room* Why have you stopped writing? Did I give you permission? I instruct you to write. Write now I tell

Me: Yes oh holy crying-ness

Pixie: Did you just call me crying-ness? I'm not crying,

Me: Yes, I believe you *sarcasm is too obvious*

*Pixie pulls out imaginary whip*

Me: Writing I am


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review. This is a _very_ short chapter, looking at things from Daniel's mind, or rather a journal until the episode _Gemini_. I am only going to make small references to what is happening in the episodes.

_The last thing I remember seeing was a Jaffa coming towards me with a 'zat' gun._

— Daniel —

She's gone. One moment she was here, laughing and now? There's no trace of her. The Jaffa that abducted her took her straight through the stargate. We have nothing to go on. No one should have even known that she was off world. We didn't tell anyone. I don't understand how they found out.

Oh God.

She's gone.

I have the same feeling I had when Sha're was taken. That same helplessness, the same knowledge that there is nothing I can do to save her.

I don't feel like I can go through this again. I can't … I won't be able to do anything… I am finally at the place where I can let someone back into my life, and the one I chose disappears.

She's gone.

-SGC-

I wish she was here.

This place has never smelt so bad. I can't wait until we get rid of those horses. I wish she was here.

I miss her presence while I'm working, her help, her teasing. I miss the breathtaking smile that happens when she is blissfully happy. Hell, I miss our gruelling training sessions.

I wish she was here.

-SGC-

I made sure they didn't escape. The Trust is captured and isn't going anywhere. We have an al'kesh at our disposal. We won, for once on a small battlefield, we won.

It saddens me to know that Tamar can't share in our success. Teal'c, Sam and Jack have tried to talk to me about it. Sam even recommended that I go talk to a psychologist about it. Like's that's ever going to happen.

None of them understand, I've already gone through this once.

I think she would be proud of me. I used my abilities to escape from the Trust, which gave us the ability to capture them. I'm glad we did. At least we won't be having any problems from them in the future.

I miss her, still. More than I ever thought possible.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. Please review, the less you review the longer between chapters. Particular spoiler for _Gemini_, but major twist in plot. I'm also looking for a beta if anyone is interested.

_The last thing I remember seeing was a Jaffa coming towards me with a 'zat' gun._

— Daniel —

As I closed the door to my quarters, I thought about Sam's words. _I might be able to go Atlantis_. But I can't leave, I can't abandon Tamar. I know in my heart that I should go but go without Tamar? Back to her home?

Abandon her? Like I did with…

There was a sudden knock at the door.

"What?"

Sam poked her head around the corner, "There's something you're gonna wanna see." She said. Taking time to notice my haggard appearance.

"Ok, I'm coming." I pushed myself away from the bed and followed her. It was the middle of the day but I had spent most of the night up working on a translation.

"Have you made up your mind about …?" her question, in response I gave her one of my _looks_, as Jack would call it. "No, I thought you might say that."

"Tamar…" I barely said the word. But she quickly understood what I meant, she knew I couldn't leave her.

"There is nothing that I can say to make you go?" She tried once more.

"Not unless you can bring her back," I felt the defeat fly through me

"I might be able to do something about that." I snapped to her, not breaking eye contact. The elevator doors opened. "Come with me," she pulled me towards the command room. She sat me down in her chair, which was surprisingly uncomfortable.

"Watch," she commanded me. And I did.

I saw Sam standing in the dark, she was dressed in some weird clothes.

"_My name is Samantha Carter._" I turned to her with raised eyebrows. 'Just watch' shone through her words.

"_All right,"_ this was Jack's voice. _"We got a little conflict with that statement. We already have one."_

"_There are two of us,"_ the image replied.

"_If only,"_ Jack again. Really Jack?

"_Where are you from? How did you know how to contact us?" _It wasn't the image talking so I had to assume it was this Sam.

"_Strange. I recognise my voice. I was made in Samantha Carter's image. I know what she knows. I feel what she feels." _The image.

"_You were made. Who made you?" _It was strange to hear the same voice having a conversation.

"_The one you call Fifth."_

"_Oh my God. She's a replicator."_ I jumped to the same conclusion the second the words left her mouth.

"_No doubt you are surprised by my arrival in your galaxy. I come in advance of the others. They will be here soon."_ Replicators? Coming to this galaxy? Shit.

"_For what reason have you contacted us?"_ I had not yet heard Teal'c but this confirmed his presence.

"_I need your help. I wish to be destroyed. You have a weapon capable of severing the kiron pathways that link my individual cells. The effect would be instantaneous and painless."_

"_You folks can feel pain?"_ Of course Jack would be distracted by that.

"_I can feel a lot of things. I know you hate and fear the replicators, and with good reason. So this should be easy for you. But this one doesn't, she doesn't fear anything." _Tamar came into the image and my heart leapt out of my mouth. She looked dirty, her hair was flat, her eyes dull. Her clothes fit her in a different way. Somehow she managed to look both skinnier and bigger.

"_Yeah, well… We'll have to get back to you on this."_

_What the hell Jack?_ She was right there. You could have…

"Sam?" I asked. I couldn't believe my eyes at the moment. "Please tell this isn't a dream." I have lost count of how many times we were together in them.

She reached out and pinched my arm. "Not a dream," she whispered to me. Her face had lightened up in joy.

— Tamar —

She was going to release me? Why? For the past… who knows how long She has been experimenting on me and my child. My fear for the child is great, I know she is healthy but not much else. She has not been able to gain access of my mind, nor even the child's. I think that has frustrated Her beyond anything.

She grabbed my hand, pulling me up harshly. Fear tried to take control of my body, but I couldn't risk hurting the child through resistance, so I forced the feeling down.

I felt overly stiff, like I hadn't moved in millennia. My mouth felt dry and my body weak, but little water and food do that to your body.

The stargate was right in front of us, but where we were was still in complete darkness. I stumbled, waiting for Her hit in response to my clumsiness.

The gate lit up as She activated the dialling device, the light seemed to blind me.

We slowly walked towards the 'gate. She was not pushing my awkward pace.

The first thing I saw on the other side was Daniel. He was staring at us as we came through.

"Daniel," the whisper escaped my lips. Then blackness enveloped me.

-SGC-

I woke up in an isolation room. Machines near me beeping almost in time with each other. I was alone in the room, though right now I knew I was never truly alone. I felt no problems with my body, though if there were it would have healed by now.

_Mummy?_ I heard the voice from within me ask.

_Yes, my child. _Hearing her like this always brought me great joy but pain. Though, it hurt me to know that she had to develop her abilities before she left my womb. Her intelligence sometimes astounds me, I remember that many of our children were able to speak a few months after birth. I found this slightly ridiculous.

_I scared. Why here?_ Her simple language always managed to amuse me. It was a mixture of the languages in my mind.

_Because your father is here_. I use sophisticated language with her. I believe that children need to be exposed to the language they will use when they are young. I tried to stick to English but she has a range of random words from a smattering of languages that come from through out time.

She began to reply but I cut the connection when Sam entered the room.

"Sam," my voice was much thicker than it should have been.

"Tamar?"

"Of course," I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, my body was tireder now.

"How are you this pregnant?" Her questioned seemed stupid.

"I have been gone a long time, no?"

"No, you have only been gone a month." That's impossible, the Jaffa captured me but in turn were destroyed by the replicators. I have been with them for at least 3/4 months. That I know for certain.

"You lie," was my response. She reacted with offense at my comment "I don't mean to insult you, but I am at least 7 months pregnant. It is impossible that I have…" The replicators have a machine that controls the speed of time, not that it should surprise me. The Asgard had the technology. Why I didn't think of it…

"I know, the doctor here confirmed that. And that you are indeed you." How am I supposed to react to this knowledge? I know the replicators have technology which allows them to effect time.

"I… where is Daniel?" He and the child had been the only reason I had survived all this time. Or as I had just discovered this past month.

"Here," his voice said from the door.

_Daniel?_ I reached out with my mind to him. Joy worked its way through my entire body, I felt like crying I was so happy.

But he pulled away from me, and that joy turned to pain and the tears escaped my eyes.

"I am sorry. I—"

"Is this why?" He asked silencing me, with his hand. His face had turned hard to me, I had seen this look. It meant his walls were up and were staying up.

I did not understand what he meant, all I could do was sit here and cry. Hormones.

"Is this why you pushed me away? Did you know all that time ago?"

_Oh God. He's going to hate me forever. Why did I ever think differently?_

"Sam," my voice sounded surprisingly calm compared to the turmoil I was feeling inside. "Can you give us a minute?" She nodded and sped out of the room, she had been feeling uncomfortable since Daniel had come in.

"Did you know?" Daniel moved closer to me, but somehow maintained his distance.

"Daniel, do you have dreams?" my voice was still unnaturally calm.

"Don't change the subject Tamar. Did you know?"

"I have dreams," I wasn't trying to change the subject I was trying to tell him. "In them I have a daughter, she is beautiful. In some of them, you are there, and she is ours. I thought that they were just dreams, but I was wrong." I tried to let him understand what I said.

"I was wrong, they were not dreams but visions. Of the future…"

"Tamar, please tell me." Tell him what? That I knew I was pregnant right after we had sex? That I had loved him for 3 years and he had only just began to feel the same way? Tell him that I would die when I fought Anubis?

"Daniel, I knew I was pregnant right after we… uh, rather I figured it out." I hoped desperately that was what he wanted to hear.

"Then why? Why did you push me away?" His voice was pounding in my head.

"Because I am going to die, Daniel!" I wanted the quiet to come back, I wanted to go back to sleep.

He was stunned, I could feel him trying to understand what I was saying but part of his brain could not react to this knowledge.

_Mummy? You alright?_ My baby was talking again. I knew Daniel would be able to hear her but I hoped his walls had remained up.

"Tamar?" _Shit_ "Is that…" he trailed off staring towards my swollen belly.

"Her? Yes," I didn't know when I was going to reveal the information about our child but I suppose it was good that it came out now.

_Mummy?_ She asked again.

_I am fine, my child. Do not fear, it is your father._

_Dada? _I wanted to scold her for the childish language but she was very young.

"Oh, that's my…" he couldn't seem to find the words.

"Yes, your daughter." My voice was still unnaturally calm.

"She sounds… like you," he felt overwhelming urge to cry. Never had he felt such turmoil. I knew I needed to speak about this. His emotions and my reasons.

"Daniel, I know you must hate me. I understand, I wish … I wish I could have done it differently but I… I am sorry, I need to finish what I started. I descended to save the galaxy, as well as your earth. I know you have no reason to trust me, I have lied to you and cheated you but I wish you to have as much joy in your life as she has caused me to have. Please do not push _her_ away." The tears were streaking down my face. _Was that enough? Will he forgive me?_

"I… I need a minute." He gasped out. I knew I had given him a lot of information. The news of my pregnancy, the child itself and my death. I am not sure how I would react with such news.

I gave a silent sigh, I hoped he would understand. The chances of him actually doing so were tiny, but this was Daniel Jackson. He is the most understanding human I have met for many years, or rather seen for many years. It is easy for me to forget that I have been Ascended for so long.

Looking at Daniel, I see the man who I had always hoped to be with. In every sense of the word, he felt like an equal. I know he will make a fantastic father, these humans are very different in their approach to children.

In Atlantis, we were lucky to have one child. The war was in a never ending repeat, we would win a few battles but lose more critical ones. I was one of the last children to be born in Atlantis and because of that I was spoiled, sent away from the war. My mother and father had both Ascended before me, my mother in Atlantis and my father on earth. He told me once, of a woman he met. One who claimed to be from the 'Atlantis Expedition', I of course had been sent off Atlantis in the first wave of evacuees. The woman he told me, said that Atlantis survived for ten thousand years at the bottom of the ocean. My father had told her that she could not return to her people with one of our power modules. He had been the one to make the decision. His name was Moros and I have not seen him for over one thousand years, which breaks my heart. My mother left me before I went to the Asgard home world, though she broke _the rule_ before I joined her, so I haven't seen her for ten thousand years.

No good role models for me.

But I knew I could care for this child, just as well as any other.

"I don't know whether I can forgive you," he said, he had moved to the side of the bed. His perfect blue eyes were beautifully kind. "But, I will try to so that our daughter can have both a mother and father."

"Thank you,"

— Daniel —

I watched her sleeping. She was on her side, hand beneath her pillow, the other curled to her face. She looked so peaceful, her chest rose and fell at regular intervals. Her stomach was natural on her. She was beautiful, perhaps even more so now that she was pregnant. There was definetly a glow to her now.

_She betrayed you,_ a small voice whispered.

Not on purpose, she was just trying to protect me. Though she shouldn't have, she should have let me make my own decision. I know if I were in a similar position I would probably do the same thing, but the pain remains none the less.

I couldn't stand to see her cry, even when I was lividly angry with her, the tears broke my heart. To know that she was that exhausted, been away, surviving for that long only to have the person she turns to yell at her. I hope she can forgive me for it.

_Wait a second, a minute ago you were telling yourself that you could never forgive her but now you _hope_ that she forgives you? WHAT THE HELL?_

I have done some pretty awful things too, I deserve as much forgiveness as she does. Why do you insist that she has done all the wrong?

_She betrayed you, you have to know that she can do it again._

You want to put a wedge between us. Why? I realise that you're not part of me. You may have been a part of me that was hurt but … who are you?

_You are indeed worthy of her._

What do you mean?

_I am Orlin._

Orlin? You mean the Ancient who was banished by the Others because he interfered?

_Yes._

Why can't I see you? How do you know Tamar? Why are you here? The question floated into my mind like a flood.

_So many questions. You cannot see me because I do not want to you. I am here because Tamar is my friend, we were both going to descend and assist your world but she talked me out of it. She believed the Others would smite me for interfering again. She was probably right, but I am able to watch her and guide her._

What did you mean by 'worthy of her'?

_By the part of you fighting to love her, to defend her. You even tried to forgive her, I can now understand why she loves you._

She loves me? She never said anything, she tried to push me away.

_Because she did not want to hurt you. I must go, she wakens._ I opened my eyes, I hadn't even realised I had closed them. He was right, she was stirring. She suddenly put her hands in front of her face as though to protect herself. She was having a nightmare. I reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Daniel," she gasped as she woke up.

"Shh, it's alright." I tried to calm her down, but she was hyperventilating and her eyes were wide.

"Where am I?" her voice seemed innocent. Fear poured out of her being.

"We're at the SGC. You're safe, I promise." She shook her head at me.

"Why are you doing this? What did I do to deserve this torture?" Tears were in the corners of her eyes. Oh God, she thought she was still with the replicators. That this was some perverted torture. What have they done to her?

"Hey, I promise you are safe. I will not let them hurt you or the child ever again. I promise." I wanted her to believe, but her eyes were full of distrust.

"Daniel, I'm scared. Help me," this was breaking my heart. To watch her thinking that everything around her was a lie.

I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into my arms. She reluctantly gave herself over. It was different to feel the child so near to me.

"Can you talk to me? Just about everything that I have missed."

"Yeah, sure." And so I did, about how I had used my abilities to stop the Trust. Even about the situation with Moloc. Eventually I got on to the topic about how I discovered how she was there. Also about the news that I might be going to Atlantis.

"You are going to Atlantis?" This was the first time she had interrupted me. Not that I was overly surprised. It was her home for 20 years of her previous life.

"Yeah, I just have to convince Jack,"

She smiled and I swear my world brightened because of it.

"Like that is going to happen." She said, she thought for a moment.

"Do you think they would let me go?" I had not expected that.

— Tamar —

I knew that they had sent people to Atlantis, but I didn't put too much thought to it. The idea of actually going home was an exciting prospect for me. Though I knew that these humans would be reluctant to let me go, yet in my opinion, I was perfectly capable of doing so.

"Tamar, you just got back from being held hostage for by your own account 6 months. Do you really think that's a good idea in your condition?" My condition? Oh, my pregnancy. I didn't see it as a hinderance. But then again _most _humans would.

"My condition? Daniel, I am pregnant, not dying! What reason, apart from that, can you see with me going? And don't you dare pull some silly double standards." Anger bubbles inside me, but I controlled it. I had learnt in my time with the Jaffa and the Goa'uld Ba'al that anger was the key to my pyrokenetic abilities.

"Tamar, you're pregnant. You should take it easy especially after what just happened to you." He was trying to change the subject.

"Answer the question Daniel." I felt like I was talking to Claire. That was what I had decided to call our daughter, Claire Chaya for both our mothers.

"I've never been captured for 6 months, for starters. And I always had a little while to recover before I started up again." So basically it was the period of time being held hostage and how long I have to recuperate.

"Daniel, it was more like 4 months that I… and correct me if I am wrong but it will take over a month to get there with your current hyperdrive engines and that is with help from the Asgard. I will have plenty of time to 'recover' while I am on your ship." He went to reply but had to think about what he was saying.

"So that'll put you at 8 months, and increases the chance of you having the child while we are there."

"Her name is Claire," I was growing tired of both of us calling her 'the child'.

"Claire… What? What are you talking about now?" Successfully distracted.

"I decided to name the child Claire, after your mother." I did not break eye contact with him.

"Claire? It's beautiful… but it doesn't change the fact that you are more likely to give birth on this mission, if you come." Unsuccessfully distracted, damn.

"There's going to be doctor's both on the ship and at Atlantis. I am in no risk. You have to look at it from my point of view. You just told me that _you_ are returning to the place that was my home for 20 years and then you tell me that I can't go. Because I am _pregnant_." He had to realise that if he wouldn't let me go, I'd find a way to get there myself.

"Tamar, I don't want you or Claire to be in harm's way,"

"I know, but you have to let me do this. It was my _home_," I knew I was probably laying the exaggeration on a bit but he had to comprehend that I was going, whether he liked it or not.

"You know, I never thought I'd meet anyone as stubborn as Daniel but I think you trump him," Jack was standing in the doorway. I had no idea how long he had been standing there, but the look on his face he must have heard most of our argument.

"Jack," I said with a smile, "I was wondering when you would come and visit me,"

"Yeah, thought I should drop by. Just see how you are,"

"Well, I feel quite good. Matter of a fact, how are you?"

"Bit annoyed, apparently my two experts on Ancients and everything else historical, want to leave on a mission that will take them away for who knows how long."

"Well that is bad news, have you tried talking them out of it? Or are you just going to say no?" We both played this game well, Daniel was giving us both an exasperated look.

"I want to just say no, but my boss decided that both of them are leaving with him,"

"Really? So they are going to Atlantis? Even though you do not want them too. I understand your annoyance,"

"I thought you might,"

"So when do we leave?" Daniel cut in.

"In the morning, 9 sharp." Jack replied, annoyance making his face look less handsome.

"That is actually good news. Sorry Jack,"

"Yeah, knew you'd say that."

-SGC-

**Author's Note (2):** For those of you who noticed the Moros thing, it's for later. I will probably continue the series through the Ori and Stargate Atlantis arcs. But not simultaneously.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. **Please review. **

"_You are going to Atlantis?"…_

"_So when do we leave?" Daniel cut in._

"_In the morning, 9 sharp."_

— Tamar —

Atlantis… home. It's strange to say that word after so long. To compare it to Atlantis. Even when I was young, it was hard to call Atlantis my home. Mother lived on a different planet, so I spent some of my time with her, Father had a council position when I was small and I had to spend a large amount of time with the healing mentor.

I spent so little time there, but still for my first 20 years of my life, it was my home. The word seems so unfamiliar and yet when I am with Daniel there is no other way to describe it.

_Mummy? Go somewhere?_

"Yes, we are. We're going to the place where I grew up, which is a long way away." I sat on my bed again. My bag had been packed in a matter of moments, not that there was a lot of choice when it came to it. I had no casual clothes and all my clothes here were the wrong size. General Hammond promised me clothes that would fit for the mission but for now I just had to grin and bear it. Though, we left for the mission tomorrow, so it didn't really matter.

_Ok, now I'm bored. I don't want to go back to thinking, I have already thought through it all. Even the things that I didn't want to, for example…_ No! I am not thinking about that at all.

I want to go and talk to someone but everyone is busy. Daniel's gone home to get a few things, Sam and Teal'c are off world interrogating the Replicator and if Jack sees me, he is likely to throw something at me.

Boredom doesn't seem qualified to describe what I am feeling. I know that I'm extremely lucky to be going on this trip, this General Hammond has pulled a lot of strings to get me involved with this. Though it is likely that Dr. Johns would not be happy about this, he was never happy when a patient left without one final checkup. I have a feeling that I should go down there and let him but I think I might go to sleep for half an hour, I'm still tired.

I lay down and tossed restlessly for 15 minutes before resorting to meditation techniques.

-SGC-

_I lay quietly, barely daring to breathe. I could hear the thoughts of the people who surrounded me. I can't remember how many of us there is but I am the only one who is obviously pregnant. For that reason, most of them have decided that it is their duty to protect me from _them.

_The people that are stuck here, like me, are simple. They're Goa'uld master, Ba'al is dead. They have never seen a replicator and I wish for all of them that never had. The replicators know that one among us is powerful, that one among us is the key to going to Earth._

_I can't read the machines… well I could I try but the concentration it would take to do so and not be distracted is phenomenal. _

_I can't allow these people to be injured because of my hiding but I cannot bring myself into the light easily. Last time I tried to stand, the man who had been assigned to protect me was taken instead. The machines had seen the movement, but he had shoved me down before they found me._

_I can do nothing to help these people as long as they keep me here. I have tried to tell them that if I tell the Replicators that I am the one they search for, then they will go free._

_It surprised me when a woman stood up. We all knew that trouble was coming, but it astounded me more when she turned to us._

"_Give up the outsider or you will all be killed." I could not see her clearly but she sounded exactly like Sam. It had to be some kind of trick._

_I stood up and I know she saw me, the people around me tried to pull me down but they were mostly old men and women which meant they were no match for me._

"_I am Tamar, these are not my people. Let them go back to their own world and live in peace," I spoke clearly. The men who had moved to a different position, their minds filled with regret at being unable to protect me._

"_Step out the crowd and we will let them leave." Something told me not to trust her but she looked like Sam… could I? Apart of my mind told me not to move but the part that cared too much for these people made me move out of the group._

"_Thank you," said Sam and the Replicators descended on the people. Killing every single one of them._

"_No," I felt myself gasp out and I swung on 'Sam'. "What are you doing? You said you would let them go!"_

"_Correction, I said I would kill them all if they didn't reveal you. But you revealed yourself and we let them leave by dying." I could sense with our proximity that this was not Sam but in fact a human-form Replicator._

_I felt the dream change. I was still in front of the human-form Replicator but she thought I was asleep._

"_We shall be made immune, my brethren. And we shall be immortal." It was speaking out loud, nothing else was in the room but it spoke out loud none the less._

_Pain lanced through my mind, the kind that occurs when they try to enter my mind and fail._

-SGC-

I sat up suddenly, though I had slept I felt no more refreshed. Memories from my time with _them _came swirling back.

Ba'al is dead. The Replicators are not immune to the anti-replicator technology.

I have to tell someone. But who? Sam and Teal'c are off world, with my torturer. Jack has gone home by now and I have no idea if Daniel is even on the base.

I check the time. 1:30 am.

Who the hell can I get at this hour?

Maybe I could leave a note for Jack… Oh God, I'm so tired.

No! I'm gonna leave a note for Jack… I'll just go to his office.

Now.

Right now.

I'll get up and go to his office.

About now.

I'm not moving, my body is so tired still and I can't move.

_So you're gonna let them all die? Let the Replicators win?_ A taunting voice said to me, I would call it Orlin's but that would be mean and untrue.

I drag myself out of the bed and towards the door. I stumble into the empty hall and make my way to Jack's office, I can't remember actually falling over but it was definetly close a few times. I was just glad that no one else was wondering around this late.

Eventually find myself in the office. I turn on the desk lamp and fumble around for pen and paper. I start to write in my block letters, no smooth, curly romantic writing here.

JACK,

I REMEMBERED VALUEABLE INFO! BA'AL IS DEAD, REPLICATORS KILLED HIM WHEN THEY GOT ME. AND IF _SHE_ SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT BEING IMMUNE TO THE ANTI-REPLICATOR STUFF. IT'S A LIE.

THEY ARE NOT IMMUNE!

As an afterthought I put a small Tamar in the bottom corner.

This chair is so comfortable, no wonder Jack does all his business from here. I might just close my eyes for a moment….

— Daniel —

I went into Jack's office to try and see him first thing. But instead of seeing him, I see Tamar.

She's dressed in a jumpsuit which doesn't fit her in any way, shape or form. Her hair has made a messy halo around her head and she looks so utterly peaceful yet excruciatingly tired.

I put my hand on her shoulder, "Tamar?" I question gently. Her eyelids flutter in response and the next thing I know I have been crashed into the filing cabinet on the other side of the room.

Fuck!

What just happened?

I try to shake my head to clear it. I look back where I was seconds ago. Tamar's hands are cradled in front of her face.

"Tamar?" I ask gingerly. "What the fuck just happened?" I try to stand and find myself having a few sore spots around my ribs.

"I- I'm sorry," I heard her say very quickly.

"Remind me to get you to teach me how to block that."

"You can't block it, no one has ever been able to. If you get thrown … then you're thrown." Her voice was apologetic. Her eyes were still wide open, but she seemed distracted.

"What's wrong?" I asked, I walked over to her and she would not make eye contact with me. "Tamar, we're leaving in 2 hours. Have you finished packing?"

"Yes, Mum I have," she answered smartly.

I don't know why she is being a smart ass but I'm discovering that is certainly interesting.

I reached out a hand, trying to be a gentleman but found that I was nervous that she'd hurt me again. She gripped my hand tightly, using my body as a counter-balance to her large weight.

"You ain't light," escaped my lips unbidden. Shock went through me as I looked at her and she smirked back at me.

No… she wouldn't… would she?

I felt myself growing weightless, I'd had the feeling before but it was still disconcerting.

"Are you going to apologize?" I could see her blue orbs, it felt like she was piercing my soul. "Hmmm, Daniel? You going to say sorry?" Her voice teased me and I wanted to respond in kind but found I couldn't. Her eyes had found my soul and I was a doe in the headlights.

"I—uh-I … I'm sorry?" This came out as a question.

She walked out of the room. I saw the ground was a good 4 feet away from me and if this had been a cartoon I would look shocked back at the camera then drop unceremoniously on to the floor. Thankfully this wasn't a cartoon and I was able to use my limited powers to place myself on the floor.

I chased her down the hall and saw her enter the elevator. By some chance it was still open when I crashed into it.

"I'm sorry for calling you fat," I said to her. She looked at me from beneath her dark hair.

_Oh God._ Does she have any idea what that does to a man? To _me_?

She sighed and bit the inside of her lip. _Shit_, she has to be teasing me. Please make her stop. "I forgive you. This time because if you ever do it again… let's just say I like when men sing soprano." I gulped dramatically in response.

"Can I check what you've packed?" I wanted to change topics completely and not look at her anymore.

"Of course, Mum." I don't know why I was now 'Mum' but apparently I was. I suppose I have been a little protective of her but what just happened to her?

The elevator ride for me was torment, I kept glancing over at her. But she was hidden behind a barrage of curls. Those blasted curls I wanted to knot my fingers into. My mind sunk back into the dream I had had last night.

-SGC-

_She looked up at me from the bed. Her eyes and lips begging me to join her._

"_Tamar, you know why I can't."_

"_Daniel," her voice was breathy, it caused my heart rate to jump. "Why are you fighting this?"_

_She pulled me to her, kissing me. I was drawn in by it, the texture of her lips, the feeling of her tongue trying to gain access into my mouth._

"Daniel?"_ her voice asked but her lips were pressed hard against my own._

"Daniel, we need to get out of the elevator."_ What? We were in my bedroom… why is she talking about the elevator?_

— Tamar —

"Daniel, I'm leaving you in the elevator… with that stupid smile on your face," it wasn't a stupid smile. It was an amazingly handsome but at the moment he seemed to be in his own little world.

"Daniel! You're being embarrassing me. Please get out of the elevator," I grabbed his hand and pulled him out. He stared at me, obviously dazed.

"Coming to check, Mum?" I teased him. He nodded jerkily and started off towards my room and I fell into step beside him.

No words were said on the walk there. The silence was half-comfortable half-awkward because of my gait which reminded us both of my pregnancy.

I did not know how to tactfully bring up… anything. I wanted to ask him about what he had been working on recently but the words were just stuck in my throat. Hell, I'd be happy if he told me about some insignificant religion that nothing ever came from. But this silence was going to drive me insane.

Oh, we're here.

I opened the door and saw _my room_. I hadn't exactly been very clean when I had been searching for things I wanted to take to Atlantis.

Clothes littered the ground, the desk… matter of fact the entire room (if it was possible they'd be hanging off the lights). The bag I intended on taking was closed at the foot of my bed.

Daniel gave the room a once over, sighed and headed towards the bag.

Opening it he discovered what I thought would be essential for the trip. A toiletry bag (thankfully he didn't go through it), a few sets of underwear and lots of random things, first aid kit, camera (Teal'c's –which was _not_ stolen), sketchpad, a few books, I think I glimpsed a stapler but I wasn't sure.

And what brilliant inventions staplers were. Humans did have a knack for creating some things that absolutely essential. A device that made the writing materials stays together. Not that Ancients have ever needed those because everything we write is put straight into adatabase.

Plus they were fun when you were bored…

Not that I have discovered this personally…

…

…

On with the story…

I received what shall now (forever) be known as the 'Tamar look'. It surmised of the wearer raising the eyebrows inhumanly high, their eyes widening enough to make me feel ill at ease, nostrils flared and lips pulled together in a weird way. Which the overall effect made me feel guilty and do what the wearer asked. Very few people have ever conquered this look, though it has been copied many times to work on other people with great success.

"What?" I asked. What I saw when I looked at the bag was all I would ever need… apart from the clothes that had been promised to me. Then I thought about what he must see and thought, _yep I'm an idiot._

"I'll help you _re_-pack, shall I?" His amazing blue eyes did not leave room for an answer as I was drawn under their magic spell.

"Yes Mum," I spoke as though I was a child told I could not go to play until my room was clean.

I went and sat at the center of the bed as Daniel carefully went through every item I would need and packed them into the bag.

_He has a nice butt_. The thought surprised me, I usually did not think about his body in that. Probably because I repressed the mostly human side of my nature, which was not unheard of for an Ancient. But now that I thought about it, everything about Daniel made me want to … to put this indelicately have sex with him.

The way his loose pants showed off his butt, the way his eyes darted around when he wanted to avoid a subject, the way he pushed his lips together when he was thinking very hard. Everything.

Hormones.

"Where did you get this?" He was holding up my _very_ lacy, _bright_ red bra.

"A friend," I replied, heaving myself off the bed in an effort to get them away from him.

He put them above his head, using his superior height (7 inches) to keep them out of my reach.

_God, she is officially trying to kill me… _I saw an image, that formed in his head, of me in the bright red bras with his selected matching panties on the bottom (which were not the same as the original, the original were skimpier). I was obviously no longer pregnant in his mind and my body showed no marks of it either.

I pulled the bras out of his hands with my powers and slammed into the closest draw. Praying that he wouldn't find anything else like that.

"Who gave that to you?" He asked again. I was loathe to answer but I did.

"One of the nurses thought it was a funny joke, she knew that lots of _guys_ were interested in me, so she went out and bought me that. Hoping I would get lucky and tell her everything. And she and the girls found it hilarious when she gave me the matching set." _Oops, he wasn't meant to find that out_. But an evil side of me, didn't mind teasing him.

"Funny?" He repeated. His clueless expression gave me a chance to manipulate him.

"Yes, ok. Now you've found it and it is amazingly awkward between us. So please… let's move on,"

"Right," he shook his head as though to clear the image. He went over to another pile of clothes and started sorting them out. "You don't have any clothes that fit you, do you?"

"Daniel, you have to ask?" was my only reply.

"Then I think you're packed," he said with a smile and zipped closed my bag (zips another wonderful invention from the modern day humans). He preceded to haul it across to his room and placed it next to a stack of bags.

"My, my, my. What do we have here?" I asked curiously. Going over and examining each bag from the outside.

"You packed light compared to me," Daniel said sheepishly. I went and sat on his bed silently for a few moments. I studied his room, it was cleaner than the other times I had been here but still had a Daniel flare to it.

I couldn't see the picture of Areto, to my dismay and joy.

Remembering her brought back thoughts of self hatred and death. But at this moment I knew I could think about that because the beautiful child that was growing in my womb deserved more than that. But with those sad thoughts also came the reason as to why I knew I had to survive. I could not allow my daughter to grow up without a mother.

I can see that little girl, the one that Areto couldn't save, running around the village with all the other children and when their mother s called them inside at dark no called her in. That child had no mother. I could not bear to think of my daughter having to fight at such a young age, though I knew that she had.

I did not want to think about this anymore. I was not in the mood for sentimental thoughts.

"Daniel?" I spoke to him. He had been sitting at his desk working on something or other. But when I talked he turned to face.

"Yes, Tamar?" His voice was filled with patience which surprised me because I thought he would be able to tell what mood I was in by my voice.

"I'm bored."

"Then God help us all," he replied. If I took special time to analyse his voice, I discover that what I had first taken for patience could have been intuition for what was coming. He knew well that I was not very good at sitting and thinking for long periods of times.

Though when it had come to Ascending I was too old to do much more than sit still.

I can remember my healing mentor telling me to stop fidgeting and listen. I also remember, replying smartly back that I recall things better if I am moving when I am told them. She had said that it was foolish but I then recounted to her the whole lesson. From then on she had not complained about my need for movement, though many others did.

"Daniel, I'm bored," I told him again. It was then I formed a plan, which involved a complex series of aerial maneuvers and Daniel.

"Don't even think about it," he said loud enough for me to hear, though he didn't look up from his work.

"What?" I asked innocently. I found I had moved to the side of the bed and my feet were dangling off of it.

"Whatever evil thing you are planning," he still hadn't looked up from his work.

"What makes you think I'm planning something?"

"Tamar..." how did he get his voice to sound like that? If any tone could accompany the 'look' that tone would be it.

"Daniel," I complained and checked the clock by his bed. It read as 8:15 am.

"I-" I started but he cut me off, unceremoniously I might add.

"If you tell me that you're bored one more time, I'll tell Jack that you _need_ to stay here." But he didn't understand I knew that I could not go anywhere else and that was what made me find this room so dull. I went back to thinking about what Atlantis might hold.

"How are we getting to the ship?"

"They are beaming us on from here," was his short answer.

I was still in the middle of his bed. I was still tired but I didn't want to sleep. The last two times I had tried I'd had horrible nightmares. Both had involved torture, one with me watching the death of more innocent people and the other of watching Daniel die.

Those are nightmares I hate more and sadly, even among my time with the … with them, they have become more common. I cannot even say their name, _Replicators_. Just the thought of them brings hate to mind. They wiped out an entire people because I took too long to say who I was, I knew they were only machines but I had thought that human-form replicators were more… well, human. Some of the nightmares were of watching Daniel die and each of them it was my fault that he died, because I wouldn't reveal the information they wanted. It scared me that I could think of that many ways to kill people, especially Daniel.

I can't stop thinking about my dreams, about the difference between them and my visions. It's so hard to tell anymore. I wanted Dr. Johns to give me something to help but he had flat out refused when I asked yesterday. I considered going around his back, but we did have respect for each other that I wasn't really willing to risk.

I can't remember how I used to put myself to sleep, before I Ascended I had many nights of dreamless dozing but I know I had a trick to doing it.

"Daniel?" I barely whispered.

"Tamar?" his voice was full of annoyance. I had wanted to ask him to wake me if I looked like I was having a nightmare but if he was going to be rude he could shove it up his butt.

"Don't worry, it's not important," I sighed. I let my walls fall down and Daniel's thoughts entered my head.

_God, I missed her. Even when she was like before, annoying as all hell. I can't imagine a world without her. This child is going to make a lot of changes. We still need to talk about that, I want _Claire_ to have a family. A traditional family, with a mum and dad living in the same house, sharing meals. But I don't know what Tamar wants. She doesn't strike as the type to drop everything once she had a child, but I can't imagine her working the hours she does._

_Children were so much easier when I thought about it with Sha're. It was what was expected and what we wanted. But Tamar is so different in character to Sha're. I miss her as well, her acceptance, though Tamar is fun and a lot of work._

I felt something about my position change.

"Welcome to the _Prometheus_," Walter's voice said, waking me out of whatever it was that I had been doing.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. **Please review. **

"_Welcome to the Prometheus," Walter's voice said, waking me out of whatever it was that I had been doing._

— Tamar —

This place was so loud. With nowhere to escape the ever present hum of the engines, I have found myself in one of the smaller compartments. I haven't been disturbed since I found my way here, which I can't tell if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I am glad that I can finally have some thoughts to myself but I know I should be helping around the ship.

Not that I can do a lot here. I am grossly unfamiliar with the human's space technology and the infirmary is empty. Though I don't think the medical officer in charge would let me anywhere near a patient. The only person I can think to spend time with is Daniel, but all he is doing is conferences about what we 'might' discover at Atlantis and if he isn't he runs around the ship like a chicken with its head cut off.

I thought about talking to Walter or making new friends but everyone avoids me like I have the plague. I know my stomach can be a bit distracting but the way these people were treating me was plain rude. I had considered complaining to General Hammond but he gave the impression of being much busier than Jack ever was.

I roll onto my side and I can feel the tension begin to lessen from my lower back. I cradle my belly. I want to give this child a family. I can see my dream house even now, its big enough for more kids if Daniel wants, Claire would have her own room and a huge backyard to play in. I can see Daniel and me cooking dinner, in the large kitchen, while Claire gurgles happily nearby.

Daniel wants that as well, for Claire to have a family.

An alarm has chosen this moment to go off, right when I was on the edge of sleep. I blink my eyes a few times to make the weariness leave, I'm not sure if anyone understands how tired you get during pregnancy but it's not nice. I rub my face and stretch out my body.

I go to push open the door and find that is stuck. I can't tell if it's locked or won't open but…

I try lots of different methods without resorting to my powers but my body is still too weak to do much. I finally try to push it away and the door buckles under the strain but does not come loose.

"Damn it," I hit it with my fist and the bulkhead flew into the corridor.

"That works," I pulled an appreciative face. I climbed out of my small hole, I'm in some deserted part of the ship so no one is in sight.

I begin to feel a little dizzy, I move to the side to grasp the wall and the next thing I know I am sliding down in it. Blackness is creeping around the edge of my vision.

The last thing I thought before I lost consciousness was, _damn should have had something to eat._

-SGC-

It was his voice that woke me up. The entire ship was silent except for _him_.

All it took was, "Oh, crap." And I was up and at 'em.

I stood slowly, being careful after fainting was mandatory. I knew Daniel needed my help, something had happened to the crew because I could sense only 3 people on the ship, including me. I could almost feel every one of Daniel's breaths and someone else's too.

I can't explain it but it appears my hearing has improved in leaps and bounds.

I concentrate on working my way to the bridge. I knew the ship well enough to navigate there. Daniel started talking, just blabbering really so I shut out all the extra noise.

I heard a female voice speak.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you…"

"Thank God," Daniel replied. But she continued.

"… much. I hope." I could almost feel the fear come off Daniel. They talked more and as I listened I became a little jealous that she was trying to flirt with Daniel. He tried to move out of his restraints again but got nowhere.

I was outside the room when I first saw her. She was the taller than me by an inch or two, with her black hair messy from wearing something on her head. She was beautiful, sharp features and amazing eyes. So it was no wonder Daniel could hardly take his eyes off her.

"I wish to send a long range transmission using the communication system." She was taking off the outside armor to what she had been wearing.

"Sorry, don't have a clue," Daniel replied quickly. I wanted to free him and probably could have used the opportunity now, but this woman was armed and I didn't want to risk him or Claire getting hurt.

"You lie," she answered simply and began to move towards him.

"In general? Uh, no. Yes…" I could tell that he was just stalling, trying to find a way out. "Well, I try to be honest, but, uh you know, occasionally a little white one slips out every now and again."

Clearly the woman didn't like this, so she slapped him across the face. I had to ignore my own desire to throw her into a wall as I watched. Right now, she didn't know that I was here and I wanted to be able to use that to my advantage.

"Ow," I heard Daniel say.

"Shall I kiss it better?" she asked and Daniel's eyes widened in response.

"Um… no. Just don't do it again." She sighed, her eyes holding a persuasive power over him as he started to talk again. "Look, even if I knew what you wanted me to, what makes you think I'd tell you? How the hell can you steal a ship if you don't know how it works?"

"I got the sublight engines going." Her confidence would have just been obvious if you were looking at her but her voice added to the effect. I had noticed that, but I was hoping that it was a pre-determined course thing.

"Yeah. So you did," he admitted, albeit reluctantly.

"Do you really expect me to believe you don't know how your own ship works?" She was getting impatient with him dodging the answer.

"Ok. Um…" this was how he stared with me when I wasn't listening to what he was saying. "Look, my name is Daniel Jackson. I'm an archeologist. A historian. I study ancient cultures. Histories of the past. Ancient civilisations. Have you heard of Earth? The Tau'ri?"

"No," she countered simply. In the time he had been talking, she had climbed into the seat next to him and began trying to re-program the computer.

"We were on our way to rescue a few friends who were…" He stared, trying to lull her into a sense of security.

"I really don't care," She cut him off. He rolled his eyes. _God, could she be any more similar to Tamar?_

"Look, this isn't necessary…" he tried a different tact.

She cut him off again. Making puppets out of her gloved hands. "'Can I have this ship?' 'No.' 'Ok, discussion over.'" She slammed her fist down on the console and the computer beeped in response.

"Oh," I could almost feel Daniel's surprise. "Here we go."

Daniel began to try and escape with his powers. I took a step back and thought for a moment. We both needed to be free, the weapon on her wrist needs to be neutralised, she needs to be contained and we have to find the crew. How the hell do we do that?

The first step would be to distract her and free Daniel.

"Now, about the hyperdrive…" _No,_ she can't get her hands on that, otherwise we'll leave.

I tried different ways to try and catch her attention but I didn't want her to know that I was actually on the ship. So I had to watch as she plotted a course and tried to activate the hyperdrive system.

"Access is restricted by a code," she told him, the question obvious.

"Yeah. Too bad." Daniel was now being a smart ass. He pushed her a little too far and was shot as a result. The material around the wound on his shoulder lit like a match.

He yelped in response and it took all my strength not to burst in there and do something I would – likely – regret. I think one also exited my mouth because the woman stood and made her way to the door. I threw myself away from the entrance and into a hallway.

"Is there anyone else on the ship?" She drilled him.

"You're the one who cleared it out. Shouldn't you know?" I really didn't think now was the time for sarcastic comment.

I made a sound crash down the hall. I heard her go to investigate, but because I wasn't sure when she was coming back, I stayed in my hiding spot.

— Daniel —

The bonds were easy to break when I could put my full concentration on doing so. I didn't know when Vala was going to return but I had been given a rare opportunity and I was not about to lose it.

Who else could be on the ship? I hoped it was a marine or someone along those lines rather than a scientist who would probably be useless except for a means of distracting Vala. I did have a little inkling that it was Tamar, but I dismissed it. Praying she had been transported to the ship with the others.

I could feel every movement in my arm. The stupid woman shot me. I just want it to heal but without _her _help it will take ages. I quickly exit the bridge and head to the closest armoury.

I knew that when Vala was finished searching for the person she would go to the control room. So I headed there in hope that I would be able to set up a trap for her.

When I got there, she had beaten me there. She was typing into the main computer.

"Much better," she said as she moved away from the console.

"Lose the weapon and move away from the console," I ordered, pointing the zat directly at her head.

"I liked you better tied up." Her clear voice rang out. I gestured for her to move.

"Against the wall. And lose the weapon."

"This suit absorbs zat blasts." She was trying to distract me.

"It doesn't cover your head." She reminded me of Tamar with her way of annoying me.

"Still, you should make me take it off." _Is she insane?_

"I'll turn the ship around first." I walked over to the console.

"I don't know, if I had me at gunpoint, that wouldn't be my first choice."

"Yeah, well." I tried to enter my code but the computer beeped in response, rejecting it.

"What's going on?" I demanded of her.

"I rewrote the access code. So I'm the only one use the navigation system." She had moved closer to me but I had not lowered the zat from her.

"Undo it."

"Listen. Hundreds of lives are at stake. I'm trying to save the last of my people. This ship is their only hope." She tried to explain. Is she lying or…

"Maybe if you'd mentioned that off the top…"

"Would you really have helped?" I was doubtful as to whether we would have. This was a big universe.

"Look, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we were also on a rescue mission."

The computer beeped again, I looked at the screen and discovered that an al'kesh was coming towards us.

"What is it?"

"A ship just appeared. It's an al'kesh."

"This quadrant is crawling with vessels. Chances are it won't be your friends. I made sure that ship was fully disabled when you showed up." I knew that it was them.

"We'll see."

"We have to raise shields and arm weapons," she demanded, trying to control the situation.

"I'm gonna try and hail them first." I went to move over to the main computer but she reacted quickly. Kicking the zat out of my hand and delivering a steady punch to my face.

I turned back to her and she went to hit me again but I blocked it. In return I brought my elbow to her nose. This was all on instinct, what Jack, Teal'c and Sam had spent hours drilling into me.

"Ow. You hit me," she complained, cradling her nose in her hands.

"You hit _me_." I replied. _God, I am talking to Tamar._

"You know, we could just have sex instead," she stated and I wasn't quite sure if she was serious or not.

I realised too late that this was just a distraction and she hit me in the head again and dealt me a powerful kick to my body, which made me fly back.

"What the hell is this?" I heard someone ask from the door. I had been expecting Vala to do something to me.

I looked at the doorway to see a mass of frizzy, dark curls. Her arms were folded beneath her breasts and above her stomach, making the swelling in both places more obvious. She had a look of pure determination in her big blue eyes, as she gazed down at us.

Tamar.

— Tamar —

I was not expecting to see the woman and Daniel fighting each other. I had not liked what she had said about having sex. Not one bit, Daniel was mine.

"Who are you?" I demanded of the beautiful woman. She was pushed right up against the wall, flailing but not moving from where she was being held. Her back was to the wall with cords wrapped around her ankles, waist and wrists, immobilising her.

"Tamar?" He asked from behind me, pulling himself off the ground. "What took you so long?"

"Go fix the computer," I ordered. He went to question me so I raised my eyebrows at him in a very Teal'c fashion. He sighed and did what he was told.

"Who are you?" I asked again. She made eye contact with me, her mouth opening to answer but instead I shoved my mind onto hers. It almost felt like I was raping it but I pushed down the bile thoughts and concentrated at my task.

Images of a different life flashed before me, so many worlds. Non- existent parents, a short childhood. This woman was like me, I could see how similar we were but instead of trying to help people, her father encouraged stealing. Which led me to modern day, she had been the host of a Goa'uld. Once I gathered all I needed, I exited and found myself staring at Vala.

"Vala Mal Doran." The words came from my mouth though I hadn't even thought them.

"How do you know that?" She was surprised I knew her name, afterall I had just met her and hadn't been introduced.

"I know a great many things. I know that you have lied to Daniel about your people and just want to get the weapons grade naquadah waiting for you at the end of this trip." I wanted to tell her all I knew of her, but she feared me enough as it was.

"You don't scare me," she tried to sound confident.

"I should scare you," I replied, moving closer to her. "I am one of the only living Ancients and you just pissed me off. Not your brightest decision," she squirmed again and I laughed at her.

I could feel Daniel watching me, so I turned to face him. His eyes were boring into me, trying to understand what was 'off' about me.

"Can I help you?" He took a step towards me and craned his neck to look into my eyes. We were so close, I would be able to kiss him if I went on my toes.

"What's wrong?" His voice was full of compassion, though his face looked hard.

"I'm tired." I couldn't tell him I was jealous. I didn't know how he would react and I wasn't interested in finding out.

"Tamar, be better than her." His arms pulled me closer to him. But I resisted. Though this was enough to distract me, giving Vala the chance to pull free of her constraints.

I tried to get out of Daniel's arms but there was no need for me to react. Daniel remembered that he too had abilities and used them to fling her back, not before she touched the main control console.

"Is she alright?" I asked him.

"Unconscious," was his one worded reply.

"Really?" I was unconvinced, there was a part of me that still couldn't believe his powers had developed that much. Last I had practiced with him, he had not been able to hold me up for more than a few seconds.

"I think I could take you in a fight." He was over confident in his ability.

"Come to me when you can juggle Jack, Teal'c and Sam, plus escape afterwards. Then it will be an even fight," I laughed at him. Trying to imagine how he would do that.

A smile pulled at his lips, and for a tender moment, nothing else existed. Just us, standing together. I couldn't remember when I was so happy.

It was in this blissful moment that Claire kicked out her leg. She placed it so well, that Daniel was able to feel it.

"Was that …?" he let the question finish itself. I looked up into his eyes. I feared that there would be pain, and maybe remorse. I was instead met with adoration and kindness. Time seemed to stop, while we stood there. Both cradling my belly, where our beautiful daughter was held. I could not think of anything but how perfect this was.

"You're beautiful," he whispered to Claire. "I can only hope you will get to see how amazing this place is." He talked to her and studied him, love was being expelled from him.

"I hope you look exactly like your mother, she's beautiful too."

"She'll look like both of us," I replied. "Beautiful black hair, your eyes and just beautiful."

"How do you know that?" He was curious.

"Daniel, I said I had dreams. They will come to pass and we will have a beautiful girl." We had not talked yet, we both knew we needed too. Though we avoided it.

I could tell he wanted to talk about our conversation, but now wasn't the time.

"I'll put her in a holding cell," I announced cheerfully, moving out of his reach.

As I spoke the ship jumped into hyperspace and I felt slightly dislodged as it did so.

"Damn," he said.

"You work on the computers. I'll make sure our guest is comfortable," I reinforced. I picked her up with my powers and hauled her to the nearest holding cell. I understood that the suit she was wearing had the ability to negate the effects of energy blasts, so I removed it and redressed her in one of the jumpsuits.

I went back to the bridge and sat at one the computers, trying to alter the course Vala had set in. Though this task should have demanded my complete attention, I found myself unable to focus on it. Instead I was craving food, nothing in particular just food.

I hadn't seen any signs of Daniel and our esteemed guest was still unconscious in the holding cell, so I took my chance and went to the commissary.

It was still quiet on the ship, though the hum of the engine reminded me of another constant presence.

Claire.

I have become so used to being with her, it will be strange not to have her so close. I wish I could describe it properly, but having her with me is like nothing I can ever describe. She is my constant friend, a constant companion.

I went straight for a canteen, hoping for something other than the strange liquid they always seemed to contain. It was meant to be a nice mix of sweetness, to cover the taste of the hydrolytes. My luck won out and I was rewarded with cold water. I grabbed one the heat packs and an apple from the basket.

"I'm hungry," I heard Vala tell someone.

Both she and Daniel entered, her at zat-point. His arm looked painful, which reminded me that I should probably heal it.

"Well, hello," I said with a bright smile. Daniel gave me a quick nod, not taking his eyes off Vala. "You hungry?"

"Starving. Thought it is only fair that if Daniel saw me naked, he should buy me dinner." Her eyes had an evil, malicious glint to them. Almost as if she knew that I had been jealous of her flirting with Daniel.

"I changed your clothes, so I'll fix your dinner," I smirked back at her, knowing I had won.

I grabbed another heat pack and put it in the microwave with my own. It was going to take a few minutes to heat up, so I passed her an apple and tossed one at Daniel.

"You hungry?" I asked him as I did.

"No," he replied, after it hit the ground just shy of him and rolled away in the other direction.

I sighed at him.

-SGC-

I was unable to unlock the computer system before we arrived at our destination. It wasn't that the code was hard to crack, but in truth this was the hardest work I had done in 4 months. When we arrived, a communiqué told us to land and that they would give us the cargo.

I had managed to weasel out of Vala that they were from the Lucian alliance and wanted a ship for a bucket load of weapons grade, refined naquadah. We had told them in response we would be down shortly.

"I should go," Daniel said.

"_I_ was the one who suggested _you_ wear the energy absorption suit, while _I_ stay and drag the cargo back in." I sighed, I had put forward this plan but he had been distracted by something.

—Daniel—

It was her collar bones. They were distracting me from what her beautiful lips were saying, but if I looked at them something regrettable was sure to happen. They looked like they had been carved, every line etched with the love of their creator. How I longed to be able to reach out and touch the sculpted masterpieces.

"Are you going?" Her clear voice asked. I finally flicked my gaze towards to her face, the perfectly made thing that it was.

"Yeah," I turned and made myself walk away from her, towards the lowered hatch.

Two aliens had placed themselves at the base of the ship, a crate stood between them. I admit that I have never seen this species before, with their tentacles and large eyes.

"Hi guys." I started awkwardly.

"Who are you? The one who was obviously the leader said.

"Uh, name's Olo… Hans Olo." I answered awkwardly.

"Where is Vala?" I could almost feel Tamar from the cargo bay, telling me to act now. So I did, shooting the zat which I had almost forgot was in my hands, at both of them. They both went down without a fight, which was a small grace.

I used my abilities to pick up the crate, hoping it contained the naquadah Tamar and Vala said was in there.

I was probably too busy at this point to notice someone dropping to the ground on the other side of the hatch way. I discovered later on that this was Vala escaping and stealing the alien's cargo ship.

Not that I had expected any better of her, but I had hoped there was some good in her… somewhere.

I hauled the crate into the cargo hold, it was a lot heavier than you would expect.

I felt as shots rocked the ship.

"Daniel, get you gorgeous ass up to the bridge… please," Tamar's voice said on the ship wide comm.

I sprinted up there, taking off the suit as I went. On the way I saw Tamar, she was walking as fast as she could but because of her pregnancy her speed was slow.

"Excuse me," I said, picking her up beneath her knees and cradling her in my arms. I don't think my speed decreased dramatically once I did pick her up.

We arrived on the bridge, me breathing heavily from running.

"We're being attacked," I told her.

"No shit Sherlock," was her sarcastic reply. She sat down at one of the weapons terminals and her long fingers flurried over the keyboard.

I raised my eyebrows in response but she ignored me, staring intently at her screen.

"Goa'uld gliders… can we access the systems?" I told her, she nodded.

"Yeah, I got the code…" her reluctance indicated she was holding something back. She still wouldn't meet my gaze.

"What aren't you telling me?" I demanded, going to stand over her. I wasn't in the mood to play games anymore. Having spent the last few hours with both Tamar and Vala, my patience had already worn thin.

"Vala escaped," she admitted, her blue eyes sought forgiveness. But I could afford none, was she still one the ship? Was she waiting in some dark corner for an opportunity to strike?

"She what?" I roared. Tamar gave me a defiant look and changed subjects

"Shields are up." She pressed a few more buttons and another system came on-line.

"This discussion isn't over," I glared pointedly at her. What had happened? How did she get out?

"Let's save the ship first." She was typing furiously into a computer, I went over to the main chair, preparing myself to fight a battle

"Fine," I sighed.

I felt the ship take off, the engines straining in the gravity of this strange planet, Tamar stood up as quickly as her body and waddled over to the seat near mine. She gestured for me to move where she had been but I was trying to get the targeting system online.

"What are you waiting for? Let's go into hyperspace," I demanded, she shook her head in a defeated way.

"It's not working. The hull is too badly damaged and we have incoming al'kesh. Arm weapons." I pressed a few more buttons and was greeted by the system coming online and targeting all the Goa'uld ships.

Sparks flew from an explosion near Tamar's head but she didn't even flinch.

"Shields are failing," She told me.

I felt it as the whole ship rocked from the force of weapons.

"God damn it," Tamar swore. She froze where she was, eyes closed.

The ship stopped acting like a boat on the high seas. The entire ship was still for a moment and then the hyperspace engine came online for a minute. All the other systems unlocked in that second.

Tamar didn't move the entire time.

What is she doing? Why is she just sitting there? Fear crept through me, was Claire hurt? Could she be focusing her energy on saving her?

I checked the radars when we dropped out and found that an Al'kesh had followed us to our new destination.

"Doctor Jackson? This is General Hammond. Do you copy?" The communications must have come online with everything else. I leant over the seat and pressed the button.

"Thanks for the rescue, it's good to hear your voice, sir," I spoke into the microphone. Tamar finally opened her eyes, blinking a few times she tried to remember her surroundings.

"Are you alright son?" The general asked me. It was implied just for me, so he obviously had forgotten about Tamar.

"We're fine, sir," I tried to subtly tell him that Tamar was with me but I couldn't do that without telling him out right and seeming rude.

"Are we clear to ring a aboard?"

"Stand by." I took a deep breath and looked directly at her. "Tamar. Where's Vala?"

"She escaped onto the planet." Shame flashed across her face.

"You're all clear, sir," I replied.

Tamar and I both looked at each other in the same instant.

"She's good." I said followed by,

"If I ever see her again, I'm gonna kill her."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. **Please review.**

_We had not talked yet, we both knew we needed too. Though we avoided it..._

_I could tell he wanted to talk about our conversation, but now wasn't the time._

— Tamar —

I was sitting in the infirmary, talking with Janine when the realisation hit me. It was that humans were fickle creatures.

"So," she normally started like this when she felt awkward. "Is Doctor Jackson the father?"

"Janine, I thought you said that you didn't care about that," She had said to me that if I wanted to tell her I would, there was no point trying to force it out of me. I had appreciated that, I think she became one of my better friends that day.

She reminded me of an old friend, he had died years ago but they were so similar in what they did. Kind to a fault, innocent, wanting to help in whatever way they could. I had always counted on that friend to talk to in my times of need, we enjoyed everything about one another. It had broken my heart when they told me he was dead. It was one of the few communications they had sent me when I had been living with the Asgard. He had perished in an attack on the enemy, not seen or heard from again.

I can remember demanding to go home to search for him, but I was refused. I was too precious, I can see that now. Wrapped in cotton wool.

It hurts me to think of everything that happened all that time ago, knowing I can do nothing to change the deaths of thousands of countless people. I don't see their faces, but the faces of the people who I betrayed. The ones who had protected me from _them_. I watched as they were slaughtered for the pleasure of the one who commanded them.

The children, the elders, the women, the men. I can't stop seeing them.

"Tamar?" Janine's hand was on my wrist.

"Are you ok? You looked a thousand miles away." She was concerned about me.

"I was," I shook my head to rid the images of them.

"You didn't answer my question," she was one of the few people who had treated me no differently when I had first come back, a week ago. But now her gaze was firmly on my belly and not wandering away from it. I knew she held the old views of this society. Women got _married_, and then had children. I grew angry that she couldn't see that roles in societies had changed dramatically in time. It was the same view that I had spent 80 years drilling out of the women who became known as the Amazons.

It hurt me to know that though the species had progressed so far, yet had the same anti-feminist views.

"Why does it matter who the father is? He may not even be in the picture," I snapped at her, I stood as quickly as my heavy body would allow me. I tried to push my way past the person who was blocking the door but they wouldn't budge.

"Get out of the way." My head was down, so I couldn't see who the man was but if he didn't move soon, he would find himself some way down the hall.

"No," it was a coarse reply from his handsome voice. I didn't need to look up to know that it was Daniel.

"Please," my voice was strained, all the pressure from the past few days was affecting me.

"Let's go for a drive," he made it sound like a question but I knew I would not have a choice.

-SGC-

I found the park bench surprisingly comfortable. The wooden planks hadn't creaked under my growing weight, which made me feel a little better. The view from the seat was astounding, the hills we were on dipped down to the flats and a nearby town. Around the horizon, rocky hills reached out the ground like fingers working their way out the ground. They reached up, trying to touch the sky but failing. Snow brushed along the top of the taller mountains, like a painter had just flicked white paint at it.

"What do you want for her?" Daniel had sat next to me and was observing the scenery just the same as me.

"I want her to be happy," it was so simple, I wanted her to survive me and be happy with whatever she chooses to do.

"Do you want her to have a family? Support from both a mother and _father_?"

"Of course." Why wouldn't I?

"Then why did you say that the father might not 'be in the picture'?" He swung around to face me, but I kept staring forward. I opened my mouth but not a sound came out.

"Why, Tamar?" He pushed me and I felt myself snap.

"Because I didn't want to tell her that you were the father. She was the only person outside of SG-1 who hasn't tried to weasel your name out of me. I trusted her and she is just like everyone else." I sighed and he watched me curiously.

"Your only reaction was to freak out on me, so I don't know if you want anything to do with her. You expect me to read your mind, and I can't. Apparently, I've taught you too well," I sighed and tried to lose myself in the landscape again, but failed miserably. A wind had picked up and I was now beginning to feel quite cold. I could feel Daniel sitting inches away from me and the warmth that surrounded him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I reacted without thinking." He put his hand in mine and clasped them tight. Feeling how cold it was, he shrugged off his jacket and put it around my shoulders without thinking.

"Thank you," I whispered. I didn't look directly at him but I made no move to take my hand out of his. He started to draw little patterns on my fingers, flexing them in different ways.

I wanted him to have a role in Claire's life. Hell, I wanted to be his life partner. I cannot remember what words the humans call them. Though I knew that he wanted that too, I needed to hear him say the words. Almost as a reassurance that what he was saying was true. It didn't quite feel real enough.

I still had a horrible feeling that I was being tortured and they have just found a new and interesting way to do so. I hated when my thoughts turned to this, because it wasn't the first time and I knew it wouldn't be the last. I had sat for many hours at night pondering as to what extent the _things_ could have affected my mind in order to get the information they required.

"You two are a beautiful couple," an old woman's voice said. I snapped out my reverie, to see her standing in front of us. She was smiling sweetly, her white hair glinting in the fading sunlight.

"Thank you," I blushed. She could have been mistaken for a happy mother because of the pride she felt for us.

"It's nice to see young people who still appreciate the finer things in life," _If only she knew the truth_, but I could appreciate her words. It was so very true that modern humans barely took the time to breathe and sleep. I, myself had lived like that for a few weeks.

"Is it a boy or girl?" She gestured towards my large belly.

"A girl. Her name is going to be Claire for Daniel's mother." I glanced quickly at Daniel and he smiled beautifully at me. My body still caught its breath whenever he did it.

"That's beautiful." She finally started on her way again. She stood perfectly upright, which defied the normal view that all old women bend over and hobble. I watched her graceful walk as she left.

The sun had begun to set behind us, so the hills in the distance, that were snow capped, danced like flames. Trying not to be extinguished.

"I want Claire to have a family," I told him, I didn't turn to him but he could hear me clearly.

"So do I." He barely whispered the words, though he was quite serious.

"I want us to live in the same house or reasonably close to each other," I knew I was asking for a lot but I needed to get these off my chest and if he agreed to them all the better.

"I agree." He kept his replies simple, understanding my need perfectly. I hated how he did that, how he understood everything I tried to say to him.

"If you wish to have other relationships I understand, but I want them to be separate from myself and Claire." It would likely break what was left of my heart but I found it completely necessary to go into it.

"I don't plan on leaving you,"

_No!_ I couldn't stand the idea of him going to another woman, but telling me that he loved me was worse than that. For him to feel the pain that would inevitably come when I died.

"Not everything goes to plan, Claire's a perfect example of that," I snapped at him but he couldn't quite understand why. For a while now, we had been constantly connected. I could chose to keep things from him and him from me but our present thoughts always came to the surface.

He didn't reply. Again showing how well he knew me, knowing that I needed time again to think.

I've never felt so at turmoil, while being surrounded by so much peace. I didn't quite understand all that I was feeling but I knew that I could only take so much at one time. I hoped he wouldn't bring up anything else but I knew he needed to make his requests. He sat next to me not making a sound.

I was curious as to where his thoughts took him.

I was suddenly aware of how close we were sitting to one another, the patterns he was drawing on my hands. They felt like hieroglyphs, particular words began to become clear to me. Then the language changed, ancient Greek the same words. And then again, this time it was Sanskrit. The words kept repeating themselves in all the languages.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

I went to pull my hand away from his, but I didn't have the heart. I experienced a kind of euphoria that I was completely unfamiliar with. He loved me, it was all that mattered for that entire moment. No thoughts of Anubis, death or anything else. Just love, for one another.

"Did you mean what you said about having dreams about the future?" I knew he wanted to talk about this, but I'd hoped that if I ignored it, it would have just gone away.

"Yes," Knowing he wouldn't doubt my sincerity.

"Did you dream of your death?" This question was harder to answer but I made myself.

"Yes,"

"Is it certain?" He was watching me, for any signs that I was lying. Any hints that what I was saying wasn't completely true.

"No,"

"Why didn't you tell me?" This was more complicated. How could I tell him that if I cheated and told him about us, the Others would have stopped me. How could I tell him that when I first arrived, I thought he would just instantly know and understand everything.

"I didn't want to hurt you." I chose the simple way out.

"You had no right to decide what I should know."

"I have every right!" I felt a stab of anger. I knew I had prescribed to the theory that 'what you didn't know couldn't hurt you.' However ineffective it was in this case.

"You shouldn't have pushed me away." He brought that up now, using it as a weapon and it hurt me as to how quickly he went to it to get a response.

"I know and I said I was sorry." He was pushing me the wrong way, and he kept going.

"Just because you say sorry doesn't make it go away." _Like I don't know that_. I took a deep breath, struggling to get my temper under control.

"I know, but you said you would try."

I sighed, I felt Claire kick out. Stretching her muscles and testing their strength. I didn't show any outward signs that she had done anything. It was something only a mother and child could share. I wished Daniel and I weren't fighting. That way he could put his hand on my belly and feel his child.

I could see her in a few years' times, gleefully running around us as we watched. Daniel laughing as she showed him something she had found. I could feel my pride and love as I watched her, my stomach swelling with another child.

"Is there anything else I should know?" Again his words brought me out of my thoughts.

"No," I shook my head, but in my mind I couldn't help but add, _except that I love you too._

"I have a few _requests_ of my own," his voice was soft but I could sense that he was completely serious about what he was saying. "Don't push me away again,"

I nodded, not needing to do anymore to convince him. I _couldn't_ leave Claire alone. She needed him as much as she needed me.

"Talk to me when you need to." This struck me as odd. Didn't I? I went to him whenever I felt the least bit insecure.

"I already do," I was slightly confused and it came out that way.

"You aren't telling me now," I went to deny it, but I realised he was telling the truth.

I watched as an ant crawled up the outside of Daniel's leg. Fascinated with it, as it made its way across the small ridges and bumps in the material. They wouldn't be small to him, more like mountains. Like the ones that stretched across the horizon, slowly fading into darkness. It didn't surprise me when my thoughts went back to my previous ones.

What if I wasn't actually here? Seeing this ant makes its way across the 'dangerous terrain'? I wanted to reach out and grab the creature, I wanted to reach out and touch anything. Just to prove that this was real. That I wasn't going insane

"I'm scared, I can't tell whether this is real life or not." I could hear myself talking but it was like I had no control over it. The words made sentences and sense on their own accord.

"It is, I assure you." He tried to comfort me, but with what I was feeling it was very hard.

"I haven't been able to shake the feeling though,"

"Four months is a long time," he tried to put his arm around me, but I shrugged him off.

"It was my fault, my fault that the people were killed." It came out of my mouth, I hadn't even though it.

"You haven't told me what happened there," was his soft reply, trying to get across that he didn't understand.

"I can't yet… I will tell you that I am now responsible for the death of the people," I wanted to cry, but my body would not summon the tears.

"No, you couldn't be." His flat out denial surprised me. He didn't know what happened so he shouldn't have jumped to such quick conclusions.

"If I'd done what they had asked immediately the people would still be alive," I looked at him, meeting his blue eyes for the first time in eternity, but I couldn't face the compassion there so I turned away.

"You can't know that," He tried to cup my cheek, but I turned my body a bit more from him.

"But I do, she teased me with that knowledge. If I'd revealed myself they'd have survived."

"She was lying, she did it to bait you. That was your weakness," His words pierced my soul, that was what I had told myself many times but hearing someone else say it seemed to have more meaning. But he was wrong.

"No. My weakness was that I couldn't stand the idea of Claire getting hurt." Even the thought of her in pain made me want to cry (more than I already did.)

"It isn't your fault," he tried to reassure me again.

"I felt as useless as I did when I was Ascended, as useless as I have been my entire life," I had been trapped there unable to help but unable to turn away.

"You're not useless,"

"You have no idea Daniel," I wanted to say more, but I finally regained complete control of my tongue.

"Then tell me,"

"No, I can't, not yet."

"Why not?"

I didn't answer I just looked out at the landscape. The lights from the town had come on and the sunlight had finally faded enough that the valley below us looked like a fairy kingdom. The little lights flittering about, dancing between streets.

I sighed and relaxed into the seat and turned back to face the hills that now looked like giants, rising out of the earth determined to strike fear into the hearts of the 'fairies' that now played in their domain.

"It's a beautiful sunset," I sighed again

"Yeah," my hand was still in his, he had stopped drawing symbols for the moment and I knew I had to bring _it_ up now.

"I want you to promise me something," I whispered to him, turning to look him directly in the eyes. His gaze seemed to cut right down to my soul and left me completely bare to his scrutiny.

"Whatever you want." Over course he would say that, he wanted to give me everything I wanted.

"Don't fall in love with me, I don't know if I'm going to survive and I can't stand the idea of hurting you that way."

"I can't promise you that." He looked away from me.

"Daniel, please. I don't want you to go through that pain." I dragged his chin back to me, we were awkwardly close but that didn't stop me from talking.

"What pain?" He sounded hurt, but he had to understand, this was hurting me more. To tell him not to love me but just be my friend, when I could have so much more from him.

"Losing me and maybe her," Pain flickered through his eyes at the mention that I might not survive.

"I've already felt it," He was thinking of Sha're. The way they had been so close, how he had loved her and she was still gone.

"And I don't want you to feel it again." To think of the pain it had caused, I knew it had caused him.

"I can't promise I won't fall in love with you Tamar, because I already have."

"No."

With his words and mine out of my mouth I stood quickly and walked away from him. My legs couldn't seem to carry me far enough. Daniel sat shell shocked for a few moments before standing up and calling my name.

"Tamar!" It echoed among the trees, but I had already disappeared along the track that led down the hill towards the houses.

"Come back!" He called, I had to ignore the pain there and keep walking, forcing myself not to turn around.

I kept walking, I had an idea that Jack lived nearby. It shouldn't take too long to walk there. I remembered the many times Daniel had visited there. Memories of his playing themselves on repeat in my head.

-SGC-

"Jack, let me in." I was standing at his door, but he was barring the entrance with his body. A confused frown lingered on his face.

"How'd you know where I lived?" His questions seemed so weird to my exhausted mind. There was only so much a person could take in one day.

"Jack please, I'm tired and would love a drink of water." I made myself look pathetic and used a look Sam insisted on calling 'puppy dog eyes'.

"Fine…" He stepped back and I rushed in. I curiously looked around as entered. I found my way to the sitting room where a game was blaring on the TV. The table in the middle of the chairs had food scraps and a couple of bottles of beer on it. I didn't sit but walked around. Stretching my tired muscles and looking at his pictures.

One caught my attention, it was a boy who was sitting with Jack in front of a house.

_Charlie_, the name flashed in my head. Daniel had told me of him, Jack's son who had died when he shot himself with Jack's gun.

Jack never forgave himself, but he admitted to being able to forget.

"How'd you get here?" Jack was back in the room holding out a glass of cool water. I took it and gulped it down before replying smartly. I knew it wouldn't be a good idea to tell Jack how far I had walked to get here.

"Daniel and I went for a drive,"

"How'd you get _here_?" He put stress on here, making it clear that he meant his house.

"I walked from the park." I almost didn't answer, but I respected him enough to.

"That's one mile away." He gave me a once over before meeting my eyes again.

"I know,"

-SGC-

"Is she here?" It was his voice again, I don't think I had been asleep very long but the second I heard his voice I was up and awake.

"Daniel, you're drunk!" This was Jack's voice, I could tell they were at the front door, something about the way the voices were travelling here.

"Naa, just had a beer or two." Daniel tried to shrug it off, knowing Jack would need my help I started to pull myself out of the bed.

"That's enough for you," Jack replied, his voice had no room for any comfort.

"Is she here?" He asked again, a little more forcefully. I could see Jack standing in the doorway, making it so Daniel couldn't get in. He was obviously outside, leaning against the frame.

"She's safe." He gave a quick glance inside and saw me approaching. He sent me a full hearted glare, in return I gave an apologetic smile.

"Is she here?" He yelled, I saw his hands push against Jack

"Daniel…" Jack began but I cut him off with.

"Daniel, I'm fine." I walked over and Jack took a step back, letting him see me.

"Course you are. Silly Daniel, trying find the woman he lov…" He was dressed in the same clothes I had left him in, his glasses were lopsided on his face and his whole body language suggested that he was very unaware of what was happening around him.

"Daniel, stop it!" I felt like crying seeing him in this state, I could feel the sting of tears in my eyes.

"What?" He couldn't see right, so he answered in a pseudo innocent way.

"Jack?" I turned to him, my eyes pleading.

"He sleeps on the couch or you do. Just don't wake me up." He rubbed his eyes sleepily and stumbled off towards his bedroom.

"Ok, I'm sorry about this," I called after him, but he just kept walking.

"You will be." His voice held an evil glint.

"Daniel, come inside," I turned to him and he was cross-eyed trying to say something.

"No," He didn't move, just stood there staring at something past my head.

"Daniel, get your ass inside." I growled and he followed my command instantly.

He had his head down and shoulders hunched. He went to walk towards the sitting room but I firmly put my hand on his shoulder and swung him in the other direction.

"Go to the spare room," I hissed at him, trying to keep my voice down. We were both guests in this house and it would be nice to be welcomed back here.

"Where you goin'?" his speech was becoming more slurred the more we talked.

"To get another pillow," I reasoned, walking past him.

I tried to remember where Jack had said the closet was when I felt a painful pinch on my ass.

"Daniel!"

"Yes?" He tried to look innocent, but he had a cheeky smile on his face.

"Go to the spare bedroom, now!" I chastised him, I gave him a look that I knew would make him listen. But instead he answered with a;

"Or what?"

Without a second thought I picked him up with my abilities and took him to the room I had been sleeping in. It had a small double bed, dressing table and bookshelf in the corner. I slowly placed him on the floor.

"I love your hair." I hadn't realised how close we were, I could feel his breath on my skin and he put his arm around me. Pulling me as close as my awkward belly would let us. He buried his spare hand in my hair and tried to pull through them.

"Remind me never to get you drunk," I sighed

"You have the most beautiful eyes," He was gazing down at me, a look of utter devotion and love on his face.

I smiled up at him, then pushed him down onto the bed and tried to pull off his shoes. He reacted as though it was a game and kept them away. I pulled his legs over the edge of the bed and went down to untie them. I realised too late my mistake and found that I couldn't quite heave myself up the way I wanted to.

I felt a hand grip my wrist gently and pull me up, Daniel's amazing blue eyes looked out at me.

I lay down on the bed next to him, somehow he had managed to pull himself under the covers, while I was left on top. I faced away from him on my side, comfortable position for me. His arms wrapped around me and his face was lost in my mass of curls.

— Jack —

I went to wake Tamar and Daniel up the next morning and discovered them in the same bed. Both with the same contented look on their faces, pure happiness. I knew that look, I used to wear it whenever Sara was around and remember the same expression on her face.

**Author's Note (2):**__ I won't go to other people's perspectives again, just trying to stick to Tamar and Daniel. Please Review


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. I am so sorry for taking so long to update, I have been extremely busy with school and then my internet decided to die and a heap of other things happened, basically life sucks for the next few months. I should also tell you that I am in the middle of my exams, and probably won't be writing anymore for a few more months. **Please review, I can't improve if you give me no advice**

— Tamar —

We were all sitting around the huge table in the briefing room, though Sam was standing. Surprisingly, she was briefing us in the briefing room, can you imagine?

"The war between Ba'al and the system lords has reached a critical stage. According to Tok'ra intelligence, Bastet and Olokun are dead, Morrigan's capitulated, and Lord Yu and Amaterasu are rallying their armies for what will be their last stand." She was mostly talking to Jack but she did glance at the rest of us. I made a mental note to talk to her about her relationship with Jack.

"As we predicted, the Jaffa were no match for the Kull warriors," Teal'c's solemn voice said. I looked across the table at him and smiled. He gave me his cursory nod back.

"The Tok'ra also we should know that in the face of imminent defeat, some of the System Lords are actively seeking out areas of refuge. Planets they abandoned long ago are now being scouted as possible sanctuaries." Sam moved around the table. I could feel Daniel next to me as I felt myself get distracted. His breathing was steady, which caught me off guard. How could it be so normal when I was so affected by him?

"And this affects us how?" Jack asked. He was honestly curious about this.

"One of these planets, which fell under the domain of the System Lord Ares, happens to be where the Tok'ra dropped off one Harry Maybourne two years ago," Daniel replied, clueing him in on what the others knew. _Ares,_ I knew that name, I was going to start thinking about it but this conversation would still need attention.

"And this affects us how?" Jack repeated. Daniel rolled his eyes and gave Sam a look that said, your turn.

"The Tok'ra have their hands full with pressing matters. They strongly suggest we get to Maybourne before the Goa'uld do," Sam tried to convince him, but wasn't truly interested and saving him herself.

"If we do not retrieve him, Harry Maybourne faces certain capture. Torture. Interrogation. Perhaps even death," Teal'c added.

"All right. Fine. Go get him." Jack let out a sigh and went to stand up and go. "Take Tamar,"

"Yes, sir," Sam replied, giving me a look that said 'behave yourself'. She and Teal'c left the room with complaint, which was nice because I thought they wouldn't have liked me going.

"Jack?" Daniel called after him but he was already in his office. Daniel I had expected to make a fuss.

He turned back to me and I had the biggest smile on my face. He looked at my stomach and then met my eyes again. My smile fell a little but not completely.

"I'll be careful," I promised before his mouth even opened to tell me to be.

-SGC-

We stepped through the 'gate onto a woodland planet. The grass surrounding the 'gate was high enough to hide people and I thought I could see people there but it was probably my imagination.

"According to the Tok'ra, the people of this world are fairly primitive," Sam supplied us, I just nodded.

"No phones, no lights, no motor cars. I betcha Maybourne jumps at a chance to leave." Daniel sounded bitter, but it was probably too early for him after his late night (he got drunk for those of you with dirty minds).

"What about the other inhabitants?" Teal'c gave a look around the immediate, almost sensing the same thing that I had.

"We'll relocate them. We may not have a lot of time. Ares could be here in a matter of days," Sam mournfully replied. Teal'c raised his hand gesturing for us to stop, it was one of the hand commands I had been taught by Sam. We all instantly did as he said, hands flying to our weapons. Some people stood up and came out of the grassland around us, they all had crossbows and aimed them towards Sam, Teal'c and Daniel. Avoiding me for what reason I was unsure, but I hoped it had something to do with my pregnancy.

"We don't mean you any harm," Sam called out to them, mainly to a woman who the others referred to in their glances.

"We are allies of the Tok'ra." Teal'c supplied. I knew it was time to shut my mouth, I couldn't bring attention to myself or Claire. Daniel and Teal'c had unconsciously moved to more defensive positions around me.

"Just looking for a friend of ours. Harry Maybourne. Maybe you've heard of him. Shifty fella. Beady eyes. No?" Daniel waffled off. Wasn't he meant to be a linguist? Hadn't he, himself, told me of the countless off world agreements he had written up?

"You will follow us to the village and meet with King Arkhan. He will discern your true intentions," the woman at the front said. She gestured that we should follow her and so we did. Everyone's weapons lowered.

We walked for a little while, no one saying anything and I seemed to zone out. My thoughts just fled and I was just pregnant me, walking towards a far away destination.

As we came to a medieval village, a woman came up to me and took my hand. The other three were in front of my talking quietly to each other and I couldn't get their attention. A fear gripped me that I hadn't felt for 3 weeks and I froze up.

I panicked, only in my mind. The part of me that had been a captive for more than a few months, knew that to react the wrong way may get you killed. But the part of me that was focused solely on taking care of Claire, wanted to run and get out of there. On a whim I looked into the woman's mind.

I saw a memory of hers. A young woman who looked a lot like me was laughing at something the lady in front of me had said. Short dark hair framed her heart shaped face, clear blue eyes looked out at me. Another, darker memory took its place, there was something wrong, the woman was standing over a grave. Her daughter's favourite flowers lay across it.

I felt a tear run down my cheek, she had died early and I knew I looked like her daughter. She just wanted to say a last good bye. I gave her my hand, giving her permission to take me with me.

She led me towards one of the buildings that lay on the outskirts of the town. It was an old house that had clearly not been taken care of for a long time. The roof dipped in at parts and the walls had strange pictures and words etched into them. She led me inside it and passed me a soft blue dress.

It was in the traditional style of the middle ages, with an empire waistline and bindings at the upper arms and around the bust. It was made of some kind of scratchy material and though I knew she wished me to wear it, I was reluctant.

This was my first off-world mission and I needed to be allowed to do it again, so a fair amount of professionalism was required for that to happen. However, I didn't want to hurt the woman's feelings and I understood her desire to see the person she had lost in me. Did I not, myself, look at people and see my friends in them?

I pulled the dress on over my clothes, they were naught but the black t-shirt and green cargo pants but because the dress was loose the clothes would not be seen.

"My friends will miss me," I said to her. She looked me up and down, then signaled for me to leave with a nod of her head. "Thank you," I whispered quickly before stepping out of the run-down building.

I could tell because I could hear Daniel, Sam and Teal'c talking, under the low drone of the people around us talking. I began to move where I could hear his voice coming from. They were all standing in front of something that I could not see. I heard someone in front of us say.

"Sort of. Where's Jack?" The man who was sitting on the 'throne' asked. He looked quite small and ugly. He had a thick fur coat on which did not suit him.

"General O'Neill's back at the SGC." Sam replied after receiving a glance from Daniel. I didn't know what was happening so I entered Daniel's mind and caught up on the conversation.

"No kidding? General O'Neill? That doesn't sound right. Still good for Jack. Nice to hear so he's doing well for himself," the man who was called Maybourne said.

"As evidently, are you," Teal'c answered, I could tell that his eyebrows were raised, even though I was standing behind him. I decided that if Teal'c did not like this man, I would quietly study and not make my presence known to him. The more I could learn before, the more of an advantage I had over him.

"Oh. This? Yes, well… uh, it's a long story." He stood up, pushing the fur off of him and said in a loud voice; "Food! Drinks for our guests!"

"We don't have time for this," Sam whispered harshly to him.

"You should try one of these. It's called …" He had picked up a fruit and passed it around, Teal'c passed it to me without acknowledging my presence. He did not even look as though he recognised me.

"Ojen fruit." The woman who had led us here supplied.

"It's sort of a cross between a guava and a mango." Maybourne told SG 1, but not me.

"Sort of a guango?" Daniel answered smartly. I rolled my eyes, and began to study the strange fruit in my hands. It looked like an avocado, I was tempted to see what it tasted like but Maybourne started talking again and all my attention went to him. I had already surmised that he was a devious character from what Daniel and the others had told me, but in the short time I could tell he was good at manipulating a situation to meet his own ends.

"I like that," Maybourne said, then stepped up onto the table where food was being lay out. "People. Hence forth Ojen fruit shall be called guango. So shall it be."

"I get to name all kinds of things. You should see the Grateful Dead burial ground." He stepped down off the table, speaking directly to Sam. But she wasn't interested in listening to him ramble on any more.

"Maybourne, you have to get out of here. You're in danger."

"I know. The Goa'uld are coming," He acknowledged before informing Teal'c and Daniel about the fruit. Still completely ignoring me. "You should peel it before you eat it. I find the skin kind of tart."

"You know about the Goa'uld?" Sam demanded.

"Oh, yeah." Maybourne tried to brush it off as though the news didn't matter, but we all knew it did.

"You were warned by the Tok'ra?" Teal'c guessed. He said 'tok'ra' differently to the rest of the humans, instead of putting the 'kra' sound together, it sounded as though he was saying two different words.

"I haven't heard from the Tok'Ra since they dropped me off," Maybourne mocked Teal'c saying it the same way he did.

"Then how?" Sam asked, sounding less demanding this time.

"I can read the future," they glanced among each other, using their secret language to mock him. They, yet again, ignored me. "Really."

"What are you trying to pull?" Sam was obviously getting sick of the bullshit.

"He speaks the truth. King Arkhan is a prophet. He foresaw your arrival and the hand you will play in defeating our enemy," the woman from before added, again. She had been watching the entire conversation, particularly SG-1 for any signs of danger.

"Garan's right. It's all part of the prophecy." Maybourne almost smirked at us.

"Maybourne, what the hell is going on here?" Sam looked quite angry, if she didn't have her self control she probably would have hit him.

"Let's go for a walk," Maybourne pronounced. Daniel chose this moment to discover I was missing from the group. He looked over the entire village, his eyes even skimming across me, but he obviously didn't recognise me.

"Teal'c," he started still looking around, worry was working its way onto his face. "Have you seen Tamar?"

"Uhh, Daniel," I said, waving my hand at him to get his attention. He frowned and his eyes traced what I was wearing.

"What are you wearing?" His eyebrows were scrunched up and his lip was slightly parted, I think I could define this emotion as shock.

"A dress," I replied sarcastically. They had been ignoring me for a little while and I reserved the right to be annoyed at all of them.

Daniel went to reply but Teal'c cut in over him. "You look like an inhabitant of this world. We must leave if we wish to travel with Colonel Carter," I knew he had just stopped a fight between Daniel and me, so I was grateful. He left in the same direction that Sam had gone. I tried to follow after him but Daniel grabbed my wrist, stopping me from moving.

"Don't wander off again," he whispered. The way he said it was almost like he was passing me a note, or like we were lovers exchanging secrets. I was reeling from the close contact between us, the skin around the area he had touched felt like it was on fire. By the time I recovered he had moved off.

-SGC-

I was waddling behind Daniel, when we finally arrived. This was a long walk in a dress and having my protruding belly was definetly a hindrance. Daniel had spared me a few glances, but I had given him a smile so he thought I was feeling fine. The place we arrived at was not what I was expecting, it was actually an outpost for my people. It was long since abandoned, but some of the pillars still stood. I wandered over to them, I could read everything inscribed there. They were journals of a sort, left from someone who had dabbled in time travel. I only knew one Anqueetas who did anything like that.

"I enjoy long walks." I heard Maybourne say distantly. I kept reading, moving from one pillar to another.

"Right. Long walks, rainy nights, and candle light dinners. Why are we here, Maybourne?" Sam started sarcastically. She was still annoyed he hadn't told them about this sooner.

"This writing is in Ancient. What do the locals know about these ruins?" Daniel told the others, he looked very smart going around and trying to read it. I knew his comprehension of the dialect wasn't the strongest, it was a later dialect that had been developed by an Ancient who wanted to keep his work secret.

"Well, not much. They generally avoid the area because it's close to the naquadah mines, the site of their former enslavement. Bad luck and all," Maybourne replied, it was now he chose to notice me, he gave me a frown, not recognising me but put no extra thought to it because Daniel began to speak again.

"This is incredible."

"No. No. This is … interesting. _This_ is incredible." He gestured over to the centre pillar, looking at this it was very obvious whose writing this was. Janus, the Lantean scientist responsible for building the Attero device that killed thousands of Ancients and Wraith. He was a mentor when I had been in Atlantis, but I had lost contact with him, after we returned to Earth.

"What is it?"

"It's a record of the planet's history, covering major events, but by the look of it some of them haven't happened yet," I spoke up. Everyone's eyes fell on me bar Daniel who was hurriedly studying the pillar.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, she moved over to me and didn't acknowledge Maybourne's question when he asked.

"Who's that?" I heard him say but I ignored him and talked directly to Sam.

"The Ancient who inscribed it believed that he could create a device that would allow us to travel in time. He went missing after we returned to Earth, but I have a suspicion he came here. This pillar foretells of future and past events."

"You sure you're reading it correctly?" She was reluctant to believe in 'time travel' but I gave her a look that said I couldn't be any surer.

"How much of this do you understand?" I quietly asked Maybourne, he was still observing me. Trying to do what I had already done to him.

When he didn't answer, Sam repeated my question.

"My skills may not compare to Dr Jackson's or your friend here, but over the years I've picked up a decent understanding of Ancient writing. As a result of my translations, I predicted a major flood would destroy the village unless I could convince the elders to move to higher ground," he replied, going off on a tangent and making this about himself again.

"And, of course, you told them where these predictions came from?" Sarcasm seemed to be Sam's skill for today.

"No. Well, not in so many words. Look, these are simple people. This stuff would mean nothing to them. I had to play the role of prophet to convince them," he answered, trying to sound smart but failing.

"And out of gratitude, they made you king." Even Teal'c had no patience for this man.

"Like I said, it was their idea," Maybourne tried to protest.

"Daniel, is what they're saying true?" Sam asked, she trusted me, but she needed reassurance from him.

"Well, they're partially right, anyway. It is a historical log." He went to say more.

"Of course I'm right. That's my bloody language up there. Are you trying to tell me that I can't read?" I felt my temper rise, I was tired, my ankles hurt and he wanted to tell me I was wrong about something I knew I was right about.

"Tamar, it's an obscure dialect," Danie answered, trying to reason his way out of it.

"I grew up speaking it, just like Ancient. I know this language! I can even tell you who wrote it! Can you tell me that?" I knew I had snapped I shouldn't have but apparently I had a temper.

"Is this a domestic dispute?" I heard Maybourne inquire jokingly, before I could stop myself I turned on him and started yelling.

"You think you're so high and mighty because your king? Because you've done a good job nurturing this village? I've seen kings just like you toppled when they revealed the truth, like you will. And just like them you will fall."

I stalked off and tried to focus on calming down. I breathed deeply, trying to focus on something but everything that I could think of made me angrier. I could hear them start to talk again, so I moved off. Hearing them would likely make me even more annoyed.

What made them _all_ think they knew better than me? I was older then all of them put together, yet they still treated me like a child. While I am willing to admit, recently my behaviour hasn't been the best. They still didn't the right to treat me like a child.

I felt exactly the way I did when I was a child in Atlantis. All the adults never listened to me, because I was too young to understand what was happening and even when I was older I was still too young. The curse of being the youngest child. The other children who were only slightly older than me, thought that I was given special attention but in truth I was the most ignored and protected child in the history of Lantea.

The teachers tried to make all the other children feel as though they were given as much attention as I was. But instead, I was the most ignored. With my mother constantly off-world, my father busy with the Council and the only person who had listened to me at all was Janus. But he was hardly ever around to talk to, but he was still a father figure for me, even if I did disagree with most things he did.

I kept walking, trying to find a place where I could quietly meditate for a while. I knew I needed to relax and stop thinking.

It was purely by chance that I saw the reflection of metal. I thought that it was strange to see something so shiny especially considering where I was.

I moved over to as quickly as I could, it looked like something was hidden beneath the layer of brush, a part had moved and now a piece of metal could be seen.

I had no patience to push all the stuff off it, so I simply moved it all with my powers. It might not have been considered polite to do such a menial task with my powers, but I would have dared any woman who was pregnant to try not to 'abuse' my abilities.

I under the foliage was a ship, one that had been brought back from Lantea by the look of it. I had flown one or two of them before I Ascended, but it seemed like a life time ago. I knew I should tell the others about this so I found my radio, which I had forgotten was still on me.

"Uhh, guys?" I asked hesitantly. This machine was still foreign to me.

"_Tamar?_" Daniel's worried voice came over the device.

"Yeah, Daniel. I'm here, I found something." I wanted to tell him all about this, but I was still a little annoyed about what had just happened.

"_Where the hell did you go?_" He demanded, I rolled my eyes and took another deep breath before answering.

"I… I went for a walk, you should come and find me."

"_You're lost? I'll send Teal'c, I'm busy translating_." He was obviously annoyed that I left without helping. Not that he could really blame me, he knew I was right but was reluctant to believe Maybourne

"I am not lost. When you get up to the bit about the ship, come and find me. Because I'm not moving,"

-SGC-

"Tamar?" I could hear him calling my name and I was tempted not to reply. I knew we needed to all survey the ship, so I beckoned them over.

I knew I should apologize for my outburst, but it was hard to when they had been so inconsiderate and truly forgotten about me. It was probably trivial but at the moment it didn't seem to be. They had left me, a heavily pregnant woman alone on an alien world when it was well known that a Goa'uld could attack at any second.

What seemed to annoy me more was the fact that Daniel hadn't remembered me. Here he was claiming he loved me, only yesterday and now he had let me be taken by some strange woman and dressed in her daughter's clothes.

Daniel was about to say something, but not wishing to hear it, I stood and walked to the back of the Lantean ship. The door lowered itself and permitted entry to us. Sam had her gun at the ready, Teal'c followed closely behind her. Daniel made sure I was at the back of the group.

_Now he protects me?_

I pushed straight past him, past all of them.

"Tamar," they all hissed simultaneously.

I ignored them and headed to the pilots chair. I could see a strange device in the middle area, but paid no heed to it. I wanted to see if the ship was operational.

"What is this ship?" I heard Sam ask. I turned back to them and removed all traces of emotion from my voice and posture.

"It is a Lantean ship, they were used for gate travel in my time. I did not know any Ancients had brought them back to this galaxy." Sam was standing close to me, but Daniel and Teal'c were in the other compartment.

"So what's this?" I heard Daniel ask from there. From where I was, I could see that they were both studying the device.

"Could be the time device," Sam said, quickly moving over.

"We would need an Ancient to make it work," Daniel said softly, trying not to let me hear.

"That's why I'm sitting in this seat," I gave them 'the look'. I could already tell that they weren't going to let me do it.

"Let's get Jack instead." Sam said diplomatically, knowing both Daniel and I were ready for another fight. "We wouldn't want to put any unnecessary stress on you."

They didn't want me to fly it because of the baby?

"Ok," I wanted to say more, I wanted to bite back at them but I needed to exercise some control over my emotions. _If they want the Goa'uld to get their hands on a machine that could alter the Universes very timeline, that's their choice. I'll just clean up their mess._

-SGC-

Jack came around the corner and saw the ship. For him it would have been a wonder of creation, but for me it was boring. He went straight past the device (and me) to the pilot's chair. I hadn't moved from the side bench for the past half hour.

"Nice ride," Jack said, moving around the ship for a better look.

"Yeah, ancients like to fly in style," Daniel replied, I gave him a sarcastic look in return. He completely ignored me.

"Nice!" Jack repeated.

"Ain't it?" I asked, I didn't think I could get any more sarcastic.

"What your problem?" Jack asked, slightly disinterested but he still came to sit next to me on my ledge.

"_Someone_," I shot towards Daniel, "doesn't think I should drive."

Jack shrugged his shoulders and walked back over to the controls. I knew I was just holding onto the grudge, but I was hormonal.

"If you can't make it fly I suggest you blow it up," I called to them, Sam and Daniel were standing around Jack as he tried to make the ship work. "That way, no nasty Goa'uld can get it."

Sam and Daniel both wanted to reject the idea but Jack understood why I had said it. He knew he was going to have to say it eventually.

I sat and watched as they tried to start it up. It was laughable when Daniel told Jack to 'focus his mind'. If it were me systems would have activated the second I sat in the chair. I had noticed that it hadn't when I did it last time, which I found a bit surprising. The power cell had obviously run out between our visit and when the Ancient was last here.

"Daniel, can you walk me back to the village?" I was not in the mood to help Sam repair the energy cell, plus I had no idea where it was on this backward ship. The time component had effected what would be considered normal run on the ship. I could not remember what we used to power these ships either.

"But I-" he started but I cut him off, not in the mood for his excuses.

"Daniel, you're about as much help here as Teal'c was. We can go and help in the village," I tried to stand but found it difficult. He sighed, came over and helped pull me out of my seat.

-SGC-

It was in a drink. Some strange kind of concoction that smelt bitter. I thought it was just some random tea but I was wrong. It was an herb that relaxed the body and mind. Of course, I was given it in a double dose. What the villager who gave it to me didn't note was the effect it had on pregnant women.

I can clearly remember Daniel giving a nod to one of the villagers before consciousness left me. He actually drugged me, me the woman who is carrying _his_ child.

I took a while to fully wake up, the after effects clinging to me. I tried to focus on something; a spot on the straw roof did the job. I could see a drop of water hanging precariously from it, if the airflow around it were to change in the slightest then it would fall. I blinked my eyes again.

I stood as quickly as my body would allow me.

I could see Daniel standing in the doorway, he was in a cloak that surrounded his body but his mind gave him away. Feeling adventurous I stretched my mind out further.

Minds, too many for the small village answered my call. Some were too close together, almost as if they came from the same person…

Goa'uld. In larval form, if I was correct and after spending almost a month with them I was.

My old _friend_ Ares was here.

**Author's Note 2:** Ares will link in, I promise. I happen to be really interested in Greek mythology so I can give you a bit of background information and tie it all back to the Ancients and Goa'uld.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. I am sorry I haven't updated in so long, I have just finished my last year of high school and have been busy preparing for my first year of uni. I have been meaning to update for a while but I haven't gotten round to it. Because I was lazy, I think I should put up two chapters as a penance. I would like to also mention that the chapters that I am putting up have not been beta-ed so any mistakes are purely mine. I have also printed out my story and I am reviewing it and making changes to it as I see fit, so my next chapter might take a little longer to update. Anyway I would like to thank Amarantha Snape for their lovely review, it helped me keep writing when I was having a bit of writers block. **Please review, I can't improve if you give me no advice. **There was also another reviewer who didn't leave the best review I have ever received and I have written a response to that. I hope that they read it and understand why I have written it.

Dear 'Guest',

I'm sorry you didn't like my story. I'd just like to point out to you that it is offensive to me to call my story gay. My story is about the character Tamar and the effect she has on SG-1 and all the other teams eventually, if you perhaps got to the later chapters you'd realise that this story is the background for Tamar. The story revolves around the relationship between Daniel and Tamar, as well as each individual character. If you have any writing I would love to read that and give you constructive criticism, on how I'd suggest you'd change it to make more enjoyable for readers. Rather just making you feel rather horrid.

Yours Sincerely,

The Author

**Now on with the story!**

_Goa'uld._

_My old _friend_ Ares was here._

— Tamar —

I didn't expect to see that Goa'uld again.

Ares.

Modern history tells the _myth_ (they weren't, they just seemed too impossible for everyone else to believe) of how the Amazons came into existence. In truth it didn't happen like this but here it goes. Ares raped the sea nymph Harmonia, who gave birth and took her daughter away to be raised by other women who were sick of the company of men.

What actually happen was that I was tired of being over ruled by the men of the Greek village I lived in. I convinced a group of women to come away with me. I taught them how to defend themselves, healed their sick, and helped them build their society. Even after I Ascended, I helped as much as I could.

The Goa'uld Artemis stole my story. I was the original female huntress among the tribes, the one who could ease childbirth. She thought it would make people pray to her if people thought she was an established Goddess. She was wrong, no city ever prayed to her. Though my people did give a prayer to her every now and again, she knew it was me they wanted guidance from.

Ares was the one who killed her, to say that I was sad to see her go would be completely wrong. But when he did that he also destroyed the Amazon's. It is not a well written about event; no human's were present to record it and if they were they did not survive the onslaught. Ares came in his mother ship and demolished all traces of their home. My people were gone in a matter of minutes. They were replaced with female Jaffa who were loyal to Ares, but they too faded into dust eventually.

"Do you want me to send Tamar out?" Daniel's voice cut through my thoughts.

He was back standing at my doorway; not that it was really a doorway, more like a hole in the hut. I looked up at him and studied his face. He had one of his 'everything has gone wrong' frowns on.

"You can't," I told him, "whatever drug they gave me is having an adverse affect on me." He frowned; he didn't understand that I was talking about. I tried a different approach; "Daniel, I'm having trouble breathing normally, my blood pressure is dangerously low and my head feels as if it is going to explode." I may have been exaggerating the last one but the other two were true.

I had purposely gone into a meditative state so that my body could filter out the poison in my system. It was through the thoughts of my past, that I had successfully distracted myself and allowed my mind not to panic about what the herb might be doing to Claire.

"_Too late, they're here._" I heard Jack's voice come over the speaker. Daniel swirled the cloak back around himself and went out into the crowd. I heaved myself away from my spot and stood at the door.

We all then froze at the sound of gunfire. Daniel, Teal'c, the nearby villagers, Harry Maybourne, the first prime of Ares and all the Jaffa.

"Those were Tau'ri weapons," the lead Jaffa spoke to Maybourne. It was an accusation, which was almost impossible to respond to.

"What's a Tau'ri?" Maybourne tried to feign innocence but he was clearly not believed. I quickly manoeuvred my way to Daniel. If he was to be discovered, so would I.

The Jaffa gave a nod to one of the men; he started to move the crowd apart with his staff. Separating families and friends. I wound my fingers through Daniel's, desperately clinging to him. _Daniel?_ I felt myself call out.

_I'll protect you._ Was his simple reply; he didn't make any indication of our exchange.

They came closer to us, removing hoods as they went. Soon there was only us left. I let the Jaffa move me a short distance from Daniel, but I kept eye contact with him.

They peeled off their cloaks. Daniel and Teal'c were left standing in their full gear, heavily armed Jaffa surrounding them, as they were stripped of their weapons.

They were pushed forward by the guards, made to stand in front of the first prime.

"You're too late to save this world. I have already received word. Lord Ares has just arrived."

"Good," I said, stepping towards them. "You can tell him, an old friend wants to say hello."

"Who are you, slave?" He demanded. I had interrupted his boasting and he was not impressed.

"My name is Tamar, but your _lord_ knew me better as Artemis." I teased him, hate rolling off my tongue when I said the word 'lord'. Even _this_ First Prime should know about Lord Ares and his defeat over Artemis.

"Artemis is dead," he dismissed turning back to the others. I stepped into his path, blocking the others from him. I could feel Daniel and Teal'c growing tense behind me.

"No, I am very much alive. Now I insist you summon your _lord_." I couldn't think of what else to say. I needed to buy some time for Jack and Sam on the ship as well as to distract the Jaffa here.

"You are nothing but a lowly peasant," he tried again to dismiss me. His hand gave me a solid push but I used my abilities in such a way that I would not budge. He used more of his strength, but still I would not move.

I could feel the anger emanating from him. He withdrew his hand only to slap me across the face, the shock of it caused me to lose my balance and fall unceremoniously at his feet. No one moved for a second, the Jaffa stared at their leader appalled at what he had done; the people of the village were stunned at the violence. Daniel didn't even breathe.

"Tamar?" his question came from both his mouth and mind.

A fear and anger over took me, one that I had felt last in the presence of Ba'al and his Jaffa. I had started a fire when I last had that feeling, one that roared far beyond my control. I hated to think that I would do _that_ again. I closed my eyes, trying to manage the burning desire I had to hurt the Jaffa.

"Stay back, Daniel." All I needed was a catalyst for this anger, this fire. If they even tried to hurt him, it would be the kindle laid before the fire and the fire would not stop.

"If you know your place, woman, you will stay there." I heard had something so similar said to me before, right after the Ba'al's Jaffa had captured me. He spat the word woman at me, like it was an insult and all I had fought for in my past life came back to me.

A man stood over me laughing, another took his face and then another. Each was someone I had known when I had lived among the Greeks, then Ba'al' and his Jaffa took their places. Finally came the face of Jaffa in front of me.

That was the catalyst it turned out. This man standing over me, telling me as a woman that I was not good enough.

Instead of setting him alight like I so very wanted to, he was sent sprawling in another direction. He crashed into some of the stalls and they collapsed under his weight.

A Jaffa tried to attack me, but Daniel stood in his way. He punched the Jaffa in the jaw, which successfully distracted him from his need to cause me harm.

I stood to find Teal'c and the First Prime fighting one another, taunting each other with threats of the others deaths. Daniel was fighting against the Jaffa that had tried to attack me. I heard the rings activate nearby, swinging to face them I saw _him_.

He was dressed in traditional Greek clothes, toga and all. His rich, curly dark hair framed his aristocratic face. His almost black eyes studied the scene around him.

I could feel the double presence of a fully grown Goa'uld and a human.

"Ares," I didn't even realise that I had said his name aloud. He turned to me, shock clearly on his face.

"You?" he was obviously confused as to how I happened to be here. His voice had the same distorted quality that all Goa'uld's managed to get. I quickly controlled all of my emotions, forcing them behind my shield.

"How have you been, Ares? Or should I call you _h_Ares?" I made the first sound came out as a 'hair' sound while the rest was normal. It was the way that the Amazons had pronounced his name; I had done it on purpose.

"You're dead," his voice held such certainty. He couldn't take his eyes off me or by pregnant stomach.

"If only you were so lucky," I smirk was on my face before I could stop myself. I glanced over at Daniel to see that he was being choked by the Jaffa; a single thought sent a jar to connect with his head.

"Do you miss your people, Tamar?" he asked, teasing me. Using the one weakness he knew I had, the fact that I hadn't been able to protect my people from him. "Did you miss my host?" this struck me in my heart.

I looked into his eyes, and he did the infamous Goa'uld trick of lighting up his eyes. Pain shot through me again.

He had taken Calix host during a battle the Amazons had been in, he was the sole survivor. His people had been allies of the Amazons and were close trading partners. I had fancied myself in love with him for a short time, until I realised his heart was set on another and I wasted no more time on him. I still cared for him and it had hurt me to see him taken host.

"He missed you, can you imagine that he thought he was in love with you? But you never gave him the time of day? That you ignored him?" He was trying to get a response from me, to taunt me into hurting him.

"You lie, he never felt anything for me." I replied, I took a step towards him and the man flinched.

"You are wrong, he loved you with all his heart and you treated him like he was dirt. As did all your Amazonian whores. They all treated men like second class citizens," he nearly got a rise out of me that time. I knew if I reacted I would be the weaker one, we had both played this game long ago and I had lost.

"Because _your _people, Calix, treated them that way first," I knew speaking to his host would annoy him.

"Do not call me that," the response I had wanted. I felt the smirk on my face.

"It is your name, is it not?" He had a classic hand device on his hand, he pulled it up and tried to send me flying.

I just laughed at him, my body would not because I did not want it to. I had discovered in my time with Ba'al that I could render his hand device inert.

"I guess I win, Calix. Thanks for the game," I knew I needed to rid my old friend of the Goa'uld. I could destroy the creature easily, but I would put the host at risk.

I looked into his mind. The Goa'uld had pushed him into the smallest part of his mind, he had seen everything the _thing_ had done and couldn't do anything to stop it. _Calix? Can you hear me?_ I needed to know if he was alright with this.

_Is that really you?_ His question was so simple, so childlike. Having spent so long trapped inside the Goa'uld must have driven him slightly mad.

_Of course, Calix. I promised you I would save you and I keep my promises._ I could see the Goa'uld trying to comprehend what we were saying, but because I did not wish him to, he did not. If Daniel had entered his mind, he would have found a wall and been as completely locked out as the Goa'uld. _I need to know if you are comfortable with killing _it.

_Kill it, get rid of it. Give me back my body for a few moments and I will be happy for all eternity._ He begged me, he didn't care for his own survival. He just wanted to join his loved ones in the 'next realm'.

I pulled out and looked at Ares again, he was frowning at me.

"I wish I could I'm sorry for the pain this will cause, but I'm not," I whispered to him. I waved my hand in front of his face.

I felt the Goa'uld's mind disappear. It screams of pain echoing inside my skull.

"Efxaristo," I heard Calix say to me before he collapsed on the ground. I rushed over to him and cradled his head in my hands.

He smiled up at me. When I had first seen that smile, I knew that I wanted to see him smile like that for the rest of my life.

"Filo se," I whispered to him. His eyes became glassy and I knew he was dead. I felt like I was going to cry, I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes. My breaths became sharp and quick.

I felt Daniel come up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Can we go home now?" I asked, I didn't look up at him.

His arms wound around me and I was gently pulled up against him. I realised something in that moment. I was responsible for the death of my friend.

I gripped at Daniel for support. The world swirling into darkness all around me.

— Daniel —

"Tamar?" I put my hand against her forehead, she felt like she was burning up. "Tamar, can you hear me?" I tried once more but got no response.

I gave a look to Teal'c. He understood it and left immediately, heading in the direction of the gate. I pulled Tamar up some more, using my powers to take most of her weight. I kept her in arms though, in case she fell.

What if it was the baby? I had read somewhere that if the woman had a fever they should go straight to the doctor.

_Claire?_ I needed to know if she was alright as well.

_Dada, where mama?_ She was fine. I breathed a sigh of relief.

My daughter was safe but there was something that was wrong with her mother.

_She's asleep, baby._ I tried to reassure her. I sped up my steps, trying to get her to the gate as fast as was possible.

Fear hit me again as I moved. What if she died? What if I lost her? How would I look after Claire?

I tried to imagine a world without Tamar and I knew it was an impossible world. To live without seeing her, being near her would be … I can't think of the right word. I would not want to do it that much is sure.

Could I see myself taking Claire to school while I went off world for days at a time?

No.

Could I bear the thought of losing another person the same way I had lost Sha're? To lose a woman I loved so very much?

I made myself run the last few meters to the gate. Jack, Sam, Teal'c and some SGC personnel were all standing around it. Doctor Johns ran towards me.

I put her softly on the ground in front of them. Jack and Teal'c pulled me away from her and Sam assisted in whatever it was they were doing. I tried to watch from a distance as people checked her vital signs, but it was impossible to listen to what they were saying in front of him.

"Daniel," Jack was snapping his fingers in front of my face but I still couldn't quite concentrate on them.

"O'Neill, I believe Daniel Jackson is very concerned for Tamar. It will prove difficult to talk to him at this moment in time." Teal'c defended, I was able to feel grateful to him for a second but then Tamar took precedent over my mind.

I tried to reach out mentally to her again.

_Tamar? Can you hear me?_

I reached for her mind and found her weak walls.

I can't think of why she always described them as walls, maybe because it was hard to get through them. I remember thinking when she told me about them that it was a silly name, but in truth it was an apt description.

_Tamar, please, I need to know if you're alright. Please._

I felt it then, a flicker of recognition in the deep recesses of her mind. I tried to push my way to it and found myself falling into her.

-SGC-

_It was dark. I couldn't see anything, it was just black. Everywhere._

_I didn't know where I was, I didn't know what I was doing. I could feel something moving about me, like a wind you feel when someone walks past you._

"_Tamar?" I asked. I hoped against hope that I was in my right mind. That I wasn't insane and trapped in the asylum, still. It was so long ago but those terrors still plagued me. The idea that I was trapped in a room and no one cared about me._

_Tamar is real, a part of me called out. I could remember laughing with her about some corny joke she had told me. Giving her a hug as she cried into my shoulder and praying that she wouldn't be able to tell. I could remember fighting about how I should feel about her. An image that scared me came next, Tamar on a respirator as they operated on her. Her calling out to me and running to her aid. Her eyes looking up at me as I tell her about one theory or other. Her teasing smile, as she pushed past me to shoot the basketball. How perfect it felt to hold her in my arms. Her look of rapture as we made love._

_All of it. She had to be real. There was no way she couldn't be real._

_For her not to be real, would break what is left of my heart. She has pieced it back together but there is only so much a man can take._

_I love her._

"_Tamar, where are you? I want to help," I knew where I was now._

_Her mind._

"_Tamar, please," I begged._

_Light came from in front of me. It was a pale blue and in the shape of a circle._

_A stargate._

"_Daniel, I'm scared," she whispered. It seemed to come from all around me. The stargate was clearly a message, but I couldn't understand what. Though I had spent so much time with her, I couldn't quite understand everything about her and I was fascinated by that._

"_I know, I'm scared too," I couldn't think of the right way to reassure her. She needed someone to tell her that it would all be ok, that she wouldn't get hurt. But there was no way that I could make that promise._

"_What if I can't do it? What if I can't defeat Anubis? What if I can't save you?"_

"_You already did save me. Can you imagine how boring my life would be without you?" _

_I could. Who knows who would have saved Teal'c from the 'game'. I wouldn't have helped capture the Trust and they would still be running around. Ba'al would still be in control of all the other system lords and probably dominating them by now. And 'RepliCarter' as Jack insisted on calling her would be running around the galaxy immune to all our defenses._

_I tried to imagine solving all the puzzles we had come across without her help. The languages she was helping me to learn._

"_Boring perhaps, but at least it would have saved you some pain and some sanity," she almost had a sorrowful sigh accompany what she had said but I stopped her._

"_My sanity has always been questionable, just ask Jack. But what 'pain' you have caused me is insignificant to the joy you have brought me. Tamar, you don't know it but you brought me back to the world of the living, before you came, I only ever worked, you've reminded me what life was before this," I gestured to the stargate and I could feel her flinch. "Can you come and talk to me in person; this is getting more than a little weird."_

_She stood before me, dressed in the flowing white clothes that I remembered Oma wore, with no sign of her pregnancy. Her blue eyes looked muted, as though someone had taken the life out of them._

"_I know of your life before that, it was full of disappointment. The stargate gave you reason, it made you change the way you did things. You started to fight for all of humanity, I have distracted you," Her voice still came from all around us, but her mouth did open and say the words. She put her head down, feeling ashamed for what she thought she had done._

"_You've given me a reason to keep going; after I Descended I had trouble trying to find a reason to keep doing this. I wished I could go back to the people who I had lived with for a few months, but then I got caught on Tegalus and I was reminded why I really wanted to keep fighting," I had my crane my neck to look down at her, she glanced up at me, confused._

"_Why Tegalus?" She asked, she had a look on her face that said she knew something about it._

"_I just remembered what it was like to fear the Goa'uld, which in turn made me want to make sure no one would feel that fear again. Ever since you came here, it has just strengthened my resolve," she knew something about Tegalus, it was written all over her face. "Tamar?" I pushed curiously._

"_Daniel, there was a reason I finally decided to Descend," she turned away from me, hiding her thoughts from me. I asked again what she meant. It seemed like all she wanted to do was not talk about it._

"_I-," she took another breath, preparing herself for revealing whatever it was, "I thought you were dead, They told me you had tried to Descend by yourself and failed. For us that means death. They punished me by making watch over the people of Tegalus, rather than the SGC like I wanted. I remember begging all of them to reconsider. I resigned myself to my fate. An eternity of having to watch over a people who would ultimately kill themselves." Tears were beginning to stain her face, but she continued. "I watched for an entire year, and then a MALP showed up, one from your planet. You couldn't believe the joy I felt knowing that your planet was still there, never mind the fact that your friends were probably alive," she stopped._

"_The Others didn't check on me that often, so I was safe in just watching your people's first contact. Can you believe my utter surprise when you stepped through the stargate a barely a day older than when I had last seen you," I watched her waiting for more, but she didn't say anything, she looked as though she was lost in her memory._

_I thought over what she had told me, but something nagged in the back of my mind. That couldn't be right because she told that she had made my body special._

"_I thought you said that you gave me advancements,"_

"_In a way I did, I taught you how to do it to yourself, when you trying to help Teal'c. We both knew there was a chance that they would make you Descend, so we made it so you could still help your people. I had hoped you had remembered to do it when you had Descended, I was right." She was distracted and I could almost feel how much she wanted to tell me about Tegalus._

"_What did you do to me on Tegalus?" I asked, she went to turn a way but I cupped my hand under her chin. "Tamar, please, I just want to understand."_

_That was all it took for her to crack._

"_I watched you, studied you. Trying to see if you remembered me. You didn't." She froze, her thoughts taking over. "I thought you were dead and the when I finally saw you again, I might have well as been the one who died. That was why I didn't tell you everything, why I didn't tell you that I could die when I fight Anubis. I have felt that pain and I don't, I can't inflict that on you. That is why you cannot love me, that is why I beg you not to."_

"_Tamar, you don't understand. I've felt loss like that before, I lost Sha're. But the thing about falling in love again, is that we have to risk all of that." I stepped closer her to her and pulled her into my arms._

_This was a feeling I had missed. The feeling of completion that I get whenever I hold her in my arms._

"_This is what wars are fought over, this is what I fight for. So other people can feel this," That was when it clicked for me. A memory took over my mind._

_I was sitting up in the bed that had been my prison for the past two weeks. I could make out faint patched of light and shadow but not much more. The explosion had seriously damaged my eyes, but they were healing surprisingly well. I felt the wind change in the room which was odd because I could not hear the door open and I knew that the window was closed._

"_Hello?" I had called out and I could hear a teasing laugh. That was when the feeling took over me. I was completely at peace, even though I was sitting in a war torn country, I was severely injured and I was beginning to hear things._

Jack's right, I've finally cracked it_. That was the only thought that came to mind, but I could swear I heard the laugh again._

_I snapped out of it._

"_It was you," I breathed, she looked up at me. No confusion was in her eyes this time; she knew exactly what I had been thinking about. "You came to me on Tegalus, didn't you?" I didn't need her to confirm it but it came out as a question anyway._

"_You needed my help, so I did all I could. I healed you, I gave you the idea on how to attack Soren. I did everything I could without interfering or attracting Their attention. Seeing you the way I did made me decide to Descend and join your fight."_

_I stared at her, she was hiding something from me but she wasn't ready to tell me. I knew I would have to wait for the last pieces of this confusing puzzle._

_I thought struck me. Why was I here?_

"_Tamar, what is the last thing you remember?"_

_She couldn't remember much, her facial expression said it but her lips moved and confirmed as much._

"_I think you collapsed,"_

_Images started to bombard me. Fighting in a street, a Goa'uld trying to kill Tamar. Tamar's haunting laugh. Tears._

"_I did… you shouldn't be here." She moved away from me, away from the stargate._

"_Why not?"_

"_You will get lost, go to the stargate." Her voice was fading and so was the image of her. She had told me the idea of getting lost. It was when you went to deep and became stuck in the other person's mind. The stargate she mentioned was beginning to fade away too._

"_What does the stargate mean?" I begged her. I knew it was a piece of her puzzle that I needed to understand._

"_Power is knowledge. Now please, go," I listened to her this time. I could dwell on this new information later. First I needed to get out of here._

_I ran towards the stargate and jumped through it, just as it faded into nothing._

_Three words rang out in my head as I left._

I love you.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Please note that I don't own any of the Stargate series and world. **Please review, I can't improve if you give me no advice.** This is the other chapter that I am adding for penance, I hope you like it.

— Tamar —

I was in the infirmary, _again_.

Not that it should surprise me; I had gone and fainted. Doctor Johns told me repeatedly about how bad this was for me (and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah), but when you are running around, chasing Goa'uld and the like, it was sometimes difficult to remember to eat.

I had neglected to tell him that I had been given a strange herbal tea that caused me to faint, but I knew no good would come of it. Everyone else had seemed to have forgotten about it so it didn't matter.

I felt a twinge come from my stomach.

_Yes, Claire? _I asked her, we both knew she wanted to know what was happening. I focused on the machine beeping in front of me; it was on used to tell someone's heart rate. At the moment it wasn't actually hooked up to me but it would be as soon as someone came to check on me.

_Why you leave?_

_I wasn't feeling very well, but I'm all better now. _I started to stretch out my body, feeling the stiffness that always accompanied it now days.

_Someone come._ She said simply and then she cut the connection. _She cut it off?_ Since when had my daughter been able to control that? And more importantly why hadn't I been told?

"Hey, Tamar," it surprised me; the person who stood in front of me was the complete opposite of who I thought it would be.

"Janine?" my voice came out far too shocked at who it was.

"How are you?" she asked, she moved away from the door and to the end of my bed.

"Fine, I guess. You?" We both knew that I was still annoyed at her about what happened a few days ago. I had warily answered her question; she sighed and started to talk.

"I'm sorry for pushing you about the baby; it was totally out of line," she looked sincere and I wanted so badly to forgive her. She was sweet and kind, she also had a different perspective on the world, which I probably took advantage of before. However now I severely missed it.

"I understand why you asked," I admitted, but I was quite ready to say 'I forgive you'.

"Can we go back to talking and being full time friends? It's nice to have someone here who isn't coloured by their own views of how the world should be to."

I told her that I wouldn't have it any other way. She gave me a bright smile and perched herself on the end of the bed. We began to talk, like before… and it was nice to fill the time talking about things that mattered to her.

She didn't once bring up my pregnancy, which was good because I had no idea what I could tell her. Though Daniel and I had discussed most of the other details, we hadn't talked about him being recognised as the father.

_Note to self; bring this up, next time I talk to Daniel._

A beeping came from her hip halfway through her sentence. She looked down at the device.

"I have to go," she said reluctantly. A smile appeared on her face, one that showed she had to go and meet someone.

"I hope your date goes well Janine," she gave me a sweet smile and then disappeared out of the room.

I knew I was going to get bored trapped in this room. I was about to see how many objects I could get up at the same time, but I again I was disturbed by someone coming into the infirmary.

"Tamar," Sam gave me a quick nod and continued on with whatever task she had set her mind on. I can't say that I'm surprised, like most of the SGC staff; she is completely dedicated to her work.

"How are you?" I called after her. I knew there was a chance she wouldn't answer me because she was so busy, but I needed to talk to someone or else boredom would take hold and as Daniel would say, we'd all be doomed.

"Busy," she replied quickly, coming to stand in front of my bed.

"Ok, I won't bother you," I smiled at her. It was probably a sad smile because she shook her head and began to speak again.

"How about you come home with me tonight? We can watch some bad chick-flicks and eat icecream."

"That sounds great, just convince Doctor Johns and I can finally be free," and as if speaking his name summoned him, like the devil, Doctor Johns promptly walked into the infirmary.

"Speak of the devil," Sam breathed, echoing my thoughts.

We had both cocked our heads to the side as he came over to us and gave us one of the strangest smiles I had ever seen. It was a cross between a cat who got the cream and a smile that someone wears when they don't understand a word you are saying (I have seen that look _a lot;_ it seems to be a favourite of Jack's).

"How are we today, ladies?" he asked, the 'cat who got the cream' smile becoming more prominent.

"Good," we both answered sketchily. We both found this situation to be a bit disconcerting. We shot each other a look and burst out laughing.

"I was wondering..." I began but Sam cut me off with a

"_We_ were wondering, whether you would be kind enough to let, dear Tamar, here to come back my house and spend the night. Just so she can get out of the infirmary," the way Sam had said it made it sound reasonable and fair. Johns was clearly tempted to agree.

"Fine," he embellished with a flick of his hand. "But I have to check her over first and then she is not allowed to do anything strenuous, got it?" He demanded. Both Sam and I smirked at one another and high fived. We were acting like children, but I was glad to get out and I knew she needed to someone to talk to.

"How about I come back once I finish running my last few jobs?" she asked and quickly darted out before the answer could be formed from either me or the doctor.

Doctor Johns smiled at me and began his examination of me. Considering that my blood pressure had returned to normal, I had no difficulty breathing and I had no headache what so ever, the only reason that I should have remained was the _slight_ fever I'd had on the planet. However, it was now also gone. Doctor Johns enjoyed talking to me while he was doing it. Mostly babbling about the results they had gotten from my genetic tests.

It held a mild interest for me.

"Did you know that you have a high concentration of the ATA coding regions in the genes of the cells around your brain? And while everything else about you is so rare, your blood type is O negative?" He just kept asking a heap of questions and when he finally took a breath I tried to reply to the last two.

"I did know both of those things; the coding region of the genes show how far a human has advanced. My blood type is so I can be the perfect healer, if a patient _ever_ needed a blood transfusion I can give it to them. Everything about me is Ancient, even the hair on my head," I gave him a dashing smile and he smiled back at me.

"So I guess there is nothing left but to wait for Sam," I said and he nodded, before leaving me be. He was trying to comprehend what I had told him and was completely drawn in by what I had said.

I lay back down on the mildly comfortable bed. I say mildly uncomfortable because since I have returned I have experienced the best and the worst that this plane of existence has to offer. The bed in my quarters for example, is one the most amazing bed's with just the right amount of sink-ability and firmness while I have also been forced to sleep while standing when… when I had my time abroad as I like to think of it. It easier to think of it as to not have happened at all, simply because if I specifically thought about it during the day my nightmares would be worse.

I had hoped that they would have at least decreased in their frequency since my return here, but alas my hopes were ill founded. In fact they seemed to be worse now because Anubis and Repli-Carter were in league, in my dreams and were always exploring new ways to torture my broken mind and body. A repeating factor in all of the dreams was my demise at the end of them, which did not make me feel confident in my future with both of those beings.

It was disheartening that I couldn't quite tell the difference between my 'future' dreams and my nightmares.

I was thinking about it too much. _I need to get up;_ if I kept up at this rate I would have nightmares for at least the next week. I tried to make myself get up and do something, but limbs felt unusually heavy, my mind was becoming strangely slow.

"How can I still be tired?" my question hung in the air, with no one here to answer it, my thoughts once again turned to the dark recesses of my (surprisingly) exhausted mind. My eyelids rebelled against me and started to droop closed. I sighed, accepting my fate.

-SGC-

_I was running, trying to get away from something. We were in a city; the doors were sliding open as I raced past them. Light pouring onto to my dark path. Helping me to escape but also helping it to chase me._

_It was breathing heavily behind me. The deafening footfalls getting closer to where I was. More came from another direction, almost cutting me off from my exit._

_The stargate._

_I could hear it begin its start up. The whirring telling me where I needed to go. I could hear shouting coming from the room to my left. The door was sliding open and I caught a glimpse of something that would haunt me forever. A person stood, spread eagle forced that way because of chains that kept them from harming us. Us being the people that had captured it in a hope to learn all we could from it._

_That hadn't worked; instead it had brought havoc upon our home._

_I could hear the monster chasing me getting closer and closer._

_I forced myself to the end of the hallway, where my escape was waiting for me._

_Just a few more steps. Everything seemed to slow down._

_I tried to make myself get to the door, but just as it slid open for me a hand grabbed me. It tried to pull me away from the door, back into its grasp._

"_No," I whispered and flung myself forward with all my might. Somehow it let go of me and I was propelled to a few meters away from the stargate._

_There was a warning light lit up beside it. Usually it would be thoroughly examined, but I hadn't even the time to put a passing thought to it. I rushed to the stargate, sparing one glance behind me; I saw more of the creatures._

_The Nightmares. That was what Claire had called them and I couldn't think of a more apt description. If they had enough time near you, they could become what you feared most, they could become your nightmare._

_I threw myself into the event horizon and prayed that I would land safely back in Atla-_

-SGC-

I blinked my eyes open. This nightmare was strange. So very different from the other ones that plagued me.

Or could it be…?

_You have to be kidding me._ I wanted to say it out loud, but I was conscious as to how far my voice would carry.

If I was correct that meant that there was something else out there that wanted to somehow harm, destroy or enslave the human race. Which was exactly what I needed to hear on a …whatever day it was, at … whatever time it was.

_An Ancients job is never done;_ my mother's voice rang clearly in my head. It's clear, slightly musical tone causing old, dusted memories to come to the fore front of my mind.

"Hey Tamar," I heard someone call out from down the hall. Sam's head popped into my view for a moment and a quick smile lit her face.

"Hi," my voice was squeaky from sleep.

"I think we should go now, before I get completely trapped in my office," She came around the corner, she was dressed in her 'civvies' as Daniel insisted on calling them. Considering he, himself was a civilian, I had to laugh every time he said it.

"Yeah, what time is it?" Not that time meant a lot to me, I had hardly ever been out of the base. And when I had, I didn't know the time. She was standing at the foot of my bed talking to me at this point.

"About 2 o'clock," Sam replied, squinting at me.

"Oh," I was dejected. It would mean that it would be harder for us to spend _hours_ watching 'bad chick flicks and eating icecream'. I mean, from what I understand they are both harmful to the body's health.

"Yeah... Do you want to go shopping or something?" Sam thought for a moment and then said.

"I don't have any money," I gave her a dejected look.

"Well, we can ask to borrow Daniel's credit card, I'm sure he won't mind," she offered helpfully and I could feel a plan forming in my mind. It would take some cunning pick-pocketing from Sam and some skilful (yet easily achieved) distracting from me, to get both his card and pin number.

"Hmmm, I do need some other clothes and getting some stuff for Claire wouldn't be a bad idea," I smiled audaciously at her. She couldn't help but do it back.

"Claire?" Sam was distracted by the minor detail. Though I had probably negated in telling her my daughter's name.

"The baby's name is going to be Claire, for Daniel's mother," I could feel myself blush at it, though I wasn't sure if that stemmed from my embarrassment at forgetting to tell Sam or another reason that I didn't want to think about.

"That is really sweet. Who choose it?"

"Me, Daniel is not getting a choice in it," though if he didn't like it I would have definitely changed it, but I wanted to look like I had some control over our relationship.

"Daniel's not getting a say in what?" Daniel came around the corner asking. He was still dressed in his work clothes, his glasses looked slightly askew on his face but his blue eyes were bright underneath them.

"Hey, I have two things to talk to you about." I pointed to him as he came over to me. He froze where he stood.

"Should I be worried?" Daniel gave me a wary look and came a bit closer to me. I could hear Sam sigh as I gave him a big smile.

"Yes and no," I nodded my head slightly, "The first is we need to talk about ... um, if you are claiming Claire." It was meant to come out as a statement but I had little control over my voice it appeared, therefore it came out as a question.

"Of course," his voice held no trace of doubt. He knew exactly what he wanted the answer to be and didn't have to think about it. The answer itself was a relief to me. I was glad to know that by daughter would have a father and if either scenario played out, there would be someone there for her.

"Can other people outside SG-1 be told?" I needed to know if _he_ was alright with becoming the most gossiped about person in Stargate Command.

"I don't see why not," As always he seemed to have an uncanny ability with understanding exactly what I needed to hear.

"Alright, second thing, can I borrow your credit card?" Now that the serious minute was over I really wanted to relax a bit. I had heard somewhere (can't remember where exactly but that is a minor detail) that shopping can be relaxing.

"Why?" he gave me a suspicious as if he didn't quite trust me. I gave him a mock horror look, as though I was truly offended by that.

"We're going shopping," Sam piped up awkwardly. She had been standing there through our entire conversation, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.

"Huh?" he was as clueless as ever.

"_I_ am getting out of here and Sam thought it would be fun to go shopping, plus I need to get some more clothes, as well as some stuff for Claire," I spoke to him in a slightly patronising tone. He sent my way a playful glare.

"Well, if it's for Claire, how can I refuse?" He smirked at me, trying to tell me that he knew exactly what I was doing and he hadn't decided on a precise course of action.

"Yay!" I exclaimed excitedly, smiling perhaps overly brightly at Sam. He had already pulled out his wallet and handing me his credit card.

"Ok, now I'm concerned," Daniel said, not quite sure of what to do now.

"Don't be, nothing bad will happen," I smirked at Sam; she gave me a little smile back. Acknowledging and agreeing with what I told her.

Daniel squinted at both of us; "Hmmm," then he proceeded to walk away. I was practically vibrating with excitement. It was my first true time to leave the base and not have some impossible doom (also known as a bad feeling) looming over me.

I started laughing and Sam joined in barely a second later. We kept going until it became hard for me to breathe properly.

"So, how much do you want to annoy him?" Sam asked still giggling away.

I simply raised my eyebrows at her, though I should probably mention that it was in a very Teal'c-esque style.

We, of course, smirked at one another once more.

-SGC-

"What is this about?" I was holding up a plastic container. It was colourful and had a name and a few people standing on the front cover, as a set of English words describing what happened in the story.

"It's a movie, a romantic comedy by the look of it," Sam told me.

We had been in the shop a record two minutes before I had started asking her questions. The walls and aisles were lined with the covers and the pictures of them ranged from explosions to couple's kissing to other things that I didn't want to see.

"What kind are 'chick flicks'?" I asked her. Failing to notice the group of people behind me, laughing at my questions.

I swung around to face the group. My temper had grown short since we had begun shopping. People seemed to become increasingly rude to me, first a couple had bumped into me and then another had cut me off, now more were laughing at me. Maybe it was wrong of me to get annoyed but when I was these people's age; I at least had respect for pregnant women.

"What are you laughing at?" I pretended to ask innocently. Fooling them into thinking that I was as harmless as I looked.

"You don't what a chick flick is?" a girl asked me. She was only a little bit shorter than me and had mousey brown hair. She snorted at me, not laughed, not smirked but snorted.

"No," I didn't want to lose my careful control of my dangerous temper.

"What planet are you from?" she asked me disparagingly. Clearly not impressed with my limited knowledge on modern terms for what I considered insignificant things.

"Tamar," Sam sidled up beside me, looping her arms through mine, "I just remembered that I have lots of chick flicks at home, so let's just leave." She could see the signs of my temper slipping away.

She had to drag me away from the stupid teenagers who continued to make fun of us. Sam gave me a look that said, _do you want to _ever_ leave the base again?_

-SGC-

"I think now would be a good time to talk," the movie we had been watching had just finished. It had been about a family and their struggles during World War II, it had ended in heart breaking tragedy. _Atonement_ it was called, and apparently it was based on a book. Sam had said earlier that she would lend it to me.

"About?" she had been having a good time watching the film. She swung both legs up onto the couch and I had mine stretched in front of me, on something called a futon.

"Everything," I replied, rolling my eyes at my own embarrassment and almost the obviousness of the statement.

"Do you want to start?" she asked me. She had been relaxed with me only moments ago but now she was tense, she did not want to talk about everything… yet.

"Sure," I take a breath, thinking over what I want to talk about one last time. "I don't know… I can't think of a way that I cannot hurt Daniel when this all comes to an end. I have never been able to bear the thought that I might cause him pain but…"

Sam sits quietly, almost wanting me to continue. So I do, knowing I need to get this off my chest.

"I'm having nightmares. I dream that I am trapped on a planet and I can't escape, no matter what I do I am stuck there. Sometimes the replicators are there and other times Anubis is, they are always torturing me. They come up with inventive ways to do it but it almost never works, until Daniel appears and he is… he is… they hurt him Sam," I can feel the fear escaping from every pore of my body. My breath has become laboured.

"Tamar," she says and I try to focus on her voice. "You need to focus on something that you know is real, something that isn't going to disappear. Focus on Claire, put your hands over her and feel her alive, feel her needing you to be alive, to stay here." I do as she tells me. As think more on Claire, my panic subsides until it completely dissipates.

"Sorry, I couldn't stop talking or thinking…" I want to cry, but Sam is so clueless when it comes to dealing with emotions it would just upset. Just look at her relationship with Jack and Pete for example.

"There is nothing wrong with reacting the way you just did, actually I'm amazed you have been coping this well. To be honest, I thought you would have broken down sooner." I give her a questioning look and thankfully she explains.

"When Jack came back from being captured by Ba'al-"

"Wait, it was Jack who was captured by Ba'al while Daniel was Ascended, yes?" I asked. I can remember Daniel asking me to help him to help a friend Ascend; I had never known who it was. However, knowing now that it was Jack, I can say I'm not surprised.

"Yes," she wanted to ask me how I knew or rather didn't know that, but she shook her head, getting on with her story. "Anyway, he took about a month before he was finally able to do things like he used to. To not jump every time a door slammed, or not shy away from a knife being pointed towards him. He never went into details as to what happened to him with me but he did tell me that there are now certain things in his life he can't do."

"Like what?" my questions was beginning to seem endless. But Sam didn't appear to mind them.

"I know for a fact that he can't stand to watch knife fights and now has something against chemistry labs. Honestly I don't think he has stepped foot in once since then." Her answers were exactly what I wanted to hear, yet somehow I managed to fear what life would hold for me after I 'got over this'.

"Ok, that makes me feel a bit better…" there is a silence for a few moments. Both of us are two involved with our thoughts to say anything. That is until I remember that I wanted to talk to her about the situation in her personal life.

"Speaking of Jack, how are things between the two of you?" I thought I had smoothly changed the conversation to where I wanted it to go. Clearly, she didn't agree when she gave me a disdainful look.

"Just the same as ever," her voice was a monotone, attempting to convince me that she felt nothing for him. Yet, it did the opposite; she was blatantly hiding behind an emotional shield when it had anything to do with Jack.

"What about Pete?" I asked, she just shook her head and I understood. "He isn't in the picture anymore," _He noticed that my emotions were all out of whack and tried to fix it but he just made it worse. He backed off and it made me realise that I didn't miss him. I knew I should if I truly loved him, I should have looked the way Daniel did after she went missing, one month for us was hell for him, he was also the same after he came back from Tegalus. A bit forlorn and not quite sure of what is happening around him. He was too busy thinking about his 'blue eyed wonder'._ I could see Daniel, sitting at his desk a paper in his hand his computer beside it. He looked like he was trying to study both, yet his mind kept wandering. He put the paper down and sighed, the sound almost broke my heart. He reached and touched something that I couldn't see. This was Sam's memory; I forced it away from myself. I could not risk getting lost nor being distracted by had forgotten that I could read her mind and though I wasn't actively trying to, she was broadcasting quite loudly.

"Blue eyed wonder?" I asked her and her eyes widened to dramatic proportions. I offered her no explanation or apology; she probably understood what had happened.

"You know, you're some kind of genius and you can fight, reason, you understand not only my field of expertise but Daniel's as well, plus some other amazing talents and you can heal some of the most fatal injuries. You gave up a life of freedom and a carefree existence to come to uncertainty here." She was busy complimenting me and I didn't feel inclined to respond to them. It is natural for people to believe that they are no more significant than a speck of dust sometimes.

"That is the risk we take with love, Sam,"


End file.
